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Viewer Discretion vol. 2 issue 14 Feb. 1:00
__ __
\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 14 vol. 2 Feb. 1/00
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
__ ___________________ _ ___________________ _ _________________ __
__ _________________ _ ___________________ _ ___________________ __
__ _______________ _ ___________________ _ _____________________ __
In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY INSTAGON
AFeXTeXT BY AFeXT
MORBUS DESTROYS A DREAM BY MORBUS
FROM THE BUNNIE LIST OV DOOM
NEW LINGOSHITE
THOMAS THE TANK THEFT
mIRCSHITE
ONE BILLION PAGES AND COUNTING
WHURL-A-URL
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the "bitcharoo bonzai" issue. Yes, it's true, we sold our soul
to Morbus. Uh huh. Morbus *is* the devil you know. Well, he offered us a
ton of money and fame and a few incredible looking bi-sexual French women
to allow Disobey to publish this rag and well, we agreed - dammit! Yes,
that's right VD is proudly a corporate slut. Now we're just waiting for
all that money from Morbus. He said the cheque was in the mail...
In all seriousness though, Morbus did a great job making the transition
as painless as possible. VD is even featured on the main page of Disobey.
We picked up a whole host of new subscribers in the week or so that VD
has been a part of Disobey. Thanks Morbus.
New subscribe and unsubscribe shite at the end of this issue. It's all
pretty simple though - even people on AOL can figure it out. Most of 'em
most of the time that is. <g>
Any of you out there following the icravetv.com affair? Funny how when
a perceived loss of income by a mega huge corporation is at state the
wheels of justice move at the speed of light but when a simple child
abuse or murder takes place the wheels grind to halt. And that's not a
Yankie slam either - I'm about Canadian justice as well. Something's
seriously wrong here...
In other news...
The ever evolving-text-based-love-affair between AFeXT and Morbus
continues this issue - Check out AFeXTTeXT and MORBUS DEDSTROYS A DREAM
to catch up on the original VD cyber-soap. Maybe like the ongoing trend
on primetime TV of women kissing, maybe, just maybe AFeXt and Morbus
will share a secret kiss in their questioning of their own sexuality....
bwahahaha hahahaha hahahahaha
I don't really have much more to say this issue except that a friend and
I have started our own web design company. More, including a .com to
follow in future issues.
So, let's crash this plane and see if there are any survivors...
:: QUOTABLE ::
Sasha: "But I WANT a COOKIE!!!"
Mom: "No, after lunch you can have one."
Sasha: "OK then, here I go - I'm gonna cry."
Mom and Dad: laughter, lots of laughter
-Sasha aged 3.5 -Mom much older
:: HAPPY BIRTHDAY INSTAGON ::
Instagon, fronted by the one and only Lob, from Orange County California
will be playing on Feb. 2, 2000 - Wednesday - 9pm - A 21+ free show at
CLUB MESA, 843 W. 19th St, Costa Mesa,CA to celebrate their 7th birthday!
Anyone out that should definitely check this out and tell Lob VD says
happy birthday.
In other Instagon news...
INSTAGON will have the honour and privilege of playing with one of the
UK's top darkwave gothic masters, World Serpent recording artists SOL
INVICTUS, this Friday, February 4th in Los Angeles..(actually Hollywood).
This show is in support of their very first US tour that starts this week
in San Diego and ends just before valentines day in Seattle..
SOL INVICTUS have been releasing some of the best dark folk traditional
music since the mid 1980's.. there are equal contemporaries of other UK
darkwave acts such as DEATH IN JUNE, CURRENT 93, NURSE WITH WOUND,
FIRE*ICE.. also its core member TONY WAKEFORD has worked with many of
these other artists in the past.. this is going to be a VERY special and
unique happening here in Southern California..
SOL INVICTUS w/ INSTAGON
Friday February 4th, 2000 9pm
club VYNYL, 1650 Schrader Ave, Hollywood,CA (323) 465-7449
21+ only w/ID
tickets are $15 each
tickets are available in advance at:
VINYL SOLUTION RECORDS, Huntington Beach,CA (714)963-1819
DESTROY ALL MUSIC, Silverlake,CA
RHINO RECORDS, Claremont,CA
and at the venue box office the day of the show.
INSTAGON has plans to perform our song "thee arrow" from the 1995 CD comp
"the Pact" ... Instagon has not performed this song since it was
recorded... the band will consist of members of Shiva, Annodelleb,
Dreamland, Home Audience, Erik Rez, and more..
if you need more info.. ask - http://www.tif.org/instagon/
:: AFeXTeXT BY AFeXT ::
(Note: This rambling note was inspired by the last issue of VD -Ed.)
I said brain fucking?
You sure? where the hell did that come from, holy fuck, I can't even
remember saying brain fucking, now I'm really lost and confused.
Damn, I said brain fucking.
That is so twisted it's not even fynny.
Er, funny. Can't type.
> "RARE, OUT-OF-PRINT, AND NON-EXISTENT BOOKS."
> -Bookstore sign in Jacksonville, Florida
I have a cd by a band that doesn't exist... I picked up a brand new cd in
a used records store in uptown whittier called Lovell's, like world
famous or some shit. Anyway, it was brand new complete cd advance copy of
"Oswald Road" by Multiplug, copyrighted 1999, not even opened... for $.99
Anyway, I dig this cd, or, I digged it, It was perfect, but it died for
me fast. Probably why it was never really made. I don't know, I go to
check out the record label's site, and it has no info... On some site
somewhere it said the album was slated for a August 1999 release, but
it's never been released. Also the supposed single "Laugh" was to be on
this compilation which can be found on CDNOW.com, oddly enough.
No one knows this band or has any information on them at all, not even
the record company. I guess they did exist. For five seconds, very odd.
The CD sucks to me now, though. Just like the CD advance copy of a cd by
Earth to Andy I bought because it had a cool case. I am such a loser.
Oh well. It'd be nice to know if Multiplug is composed of real people,
considering it must really suck to have a release date and a cool
advance copy of the cd released on a major label to only have it pulled
at the last second. Damn, it must really suck.
:: MORBUS DESTROYS A DREAM BY MORBUS ::
In answering several notes from AFeXT, including one asking Morbus,
through these very pages of VD, to pop his cherry (read a few back issues
if you're not up on this thread...), Morbus responses, also through these
very pages of VD (godamn you readers out there are lucky to have such
high priced talent), with an open letter to AFeXT. Read on...
Dear AFeXT,
I really really sincerely wish you would stop wishing for the world
within the pages of Viewer Discretion. Granted, you did do some
brain fucking work for Disobey, but I dare say it was not hard. I
double dare say the only thing that was hard during your stay was
your crotch - the idea that you could be so close to grandeur must
have sent you into a sexual frenzy.
This is further apparent in your pathetic plea. The shouting
capitalization as my name rolls off your keyboard. The halting "uh"
as you realize that your secret fantasy has been announced to the
world. The saddened realization that fantasies almost never come
true. Truly, truly sad.
I only hope you can take a hint.
Well, that's that then. Morbus' version is that he is an AFeXT hardon
magnet. Uh huh. eeeeeeeeggggggoooooooooo <g>. This kind shit is so
enlightening. Who dared to say VD was immature?!?!?
:: FROM THE BUNNIE LIST OV DOOM ::
Matt B. offers these wonderful bits of humour...
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
What do you call a *fish* with no eyes?
Fsh.
Hmmm I always called a fish with no eyes dinner.
And the Bunnie List Ov Doom ListMistress herself - Bunnie - offers this
bit of Tejas home cookin'
Title: CHUNKY CAT BARF
Categories: Vegetarian, Main dish
Yield: 6 servings
1 lg Spaghetti Squash 8 oz Cottage Cheese
16 oz Mozzarella (grated) 8 oz Parmesan (grated)
1 qt Spaghetti sauce (w/peppers)
Cook squash. Fork out insides into a giant casserole dish. Add cottage
cheese, half of the mozzarella and parmesan, sauce. Mix it until it looks
like it's name. Top with remaining cheese. Bake at 350 for 45 minutes.
And for dessert, you can make yummy Cat Poop cookies!
http://soar.berkeley.edu/recipes/kids/cat-poop-cookies1.rec
:: NEW LINGOSHITE ::
A friend who wants to remain anonymous sent me this...
NEW WORDS FOR 2000
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was
missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, eats
everything, makes a mess and then leaves.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee
headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generators
running.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube
farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids.
SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.
SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because
the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were
just tourists.
TREEWARE: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's
workplace.
GOING POSTAL: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it.
Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who
have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an
office or work group.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
CHIPS & SALSA: Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta
figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa.
FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to
leave a company or department soon.
GOOD JOB: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order
to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are
solvent again.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice
president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of
an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the
operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)
VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the
appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for a
Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the
Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, "We
each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to die in the end.
CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe
ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve.
DILBERTED- To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've
been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time
this week."
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404
Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be
located."Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."
GENERICA- Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no
matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were
in."
OHNOSECOND- That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake.
UMFRIEND- A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate
relationship, as in "This is Dyan, my ... um ... friend."
:: THOMAS THE TANK THEFT ::
Another friend sent this to me because my youngest son is a Thomas The
Tank Engine fanatic.
Thieves Steam Off With Thomas the Tank Engine
LONDON (Reuters) - Staff at a leisure park watched when several men
loaded a four-ton railway engine on to a truck, thinking it was being
taken away for maintenance.
They even waved goodbye to the men and the engine a replica of the
children's storybook character, Thomas the Tank Engine.
Later it dawned on the staff that they had been the victims of a robbery.
"I cannot believe the nerve of these people," James Warnock manager of
Crossford Country Park near Lanark in Scotland, told the Times newspaper
Tuesday.
"They must have stolen it to order because it is specially designed for
taking children around this park."
The 15,000 pound ($24,570) engine was uninsured.
:: mIRCSHITE ::
I read a piece on line somewhere about mIRC Co. Ltd. announcing that
after almost 6 years, 2 billion connections to various IRC servers
and 2 million downloads, they were please to reach the milestone of
the 10th official Registration of mIRC!!! woohoo! The company was
pleased to finally reach the grand double-digits. Apparently the person
who registered it, one Ronnie47, is a real newbie having only been
using mIRC for a few weeks at the time. He was under the impression
that registration ws mandatory! So one credit card and $20 later, mIRC
reached their milestone. That is pretty sad though. Only 10 people
have registered what is probably the most popular IRC client in the
world? Almost makes me want to go and register my copy...almost.
:: ONE BILLION PAGES AND COUNTING ::
According Inktomi (the search engine people) and the NEC Research
Institute (whoever the hell they are) the web has reached one billion
pages (but only 20 of them are useful). Other interesting (or boring
depending on your point of view) numbers include the total number of
server being 6,409,521 and of those 60% are using Apache Web server
software. Yahoo has the most people linking to it from other sites at
751,974 links pointing to them. And 87% of the pages are in English
(not to be confused with American <g>). So basically this means 1 out
every 6 people on the planet now have a web page. For evem more info
check out http://www.inktomi.com/webmap/
:: WHURL-A-URL ::
Yes, it's back! That exciting almost game-show game WHURL-A-URL!!! For
those of you too young to remember the original version of this game it
goes like this: I give you, the best reading audience in the whole damn
world, a list of six URL (web addresses for the uninitiated) and all but
one of the six are fake (at least they are at the time of writing). Your
job is to be the first person to send an email to v_d@iname.com
identifying the *real* URL and you win some incredibly stupid prize.
This week's incredibly stupid prize is a scan of the star tattoo I have
on my left arm - woohoo!!! Imagine what you can do with that baby!!!! Uh
yeah, whatever...
So below are the URL's - good luck - on your mark, get set, get ready,
who want to be a mill - er, uh, let's WHURL-A-URL!!!
Which URL below is real???????????
http://www.morbus_ate_my_baby.com
http://www.cola_wars_suck.com
http://www.colabloodyhell.com
http://www.pepsibloodbath.com
http://www.pepsibites.com
http://www.viewer~discretion.com
First correct response, based on email time stamp, wins the incredibly
stupid prize!!!
:: ETC ::
If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to
v_d@iname.com or don't.
Next issue February 15/00
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's annoying...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion
TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion
...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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