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Viewer Discretion vol. 1 issue 4 september 15:98
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\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 4 vol. 1 september 15/98
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
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In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE
THE REEF
HORROR - BY MORBUS
WHURL-A-URL
TRIVIA
BOOKS
ZINESHITE
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the Armageddon issue, no not the movie, the real thing.
On May 5, 2000 - the date when all the planets in our solar system
align in a straight line for the first time eons - and all sorts of
dire consequences are predicted - there will be a live Pay-Per-View
television broadcast of the Grudge Match of the Millennium. What, you
ask, am I talking about? Well, what I'm talking about is considered
common knowledge to those of us who travel the dark underbelly of the
net, always searching for those "signs"... And believe me, those
"signs" are there but you have to know how to decipher them otherwise
they just appear as gibberish.
Several of those "signs" were that the widely publicized ASCII
numerical values (computer code) of the texts 'Windows95', 'DOS 6.20'
& 'Bill Gates' all individually equaled 666! And much like the
President of Proctor & Gamble, who recently admitted online that yes
the P&G symbol does denote the worshipping of the Devil and further
that yes he and all his top executives are minions of the Devil
himself, Bill Gates has finally come clean about his connections to
the Devil.
On Ted Koppel's Nightline Online Gates admitted that he was in fact the
Anti-Christ. This wasn't such big news to those of us who were aware
of this years ago, but to the world at large it was, and still is a
shocker.
Anyways it now seems that Bill Gates has arranged a Pay-Per-View live
cable & Internet broadcast of a no holds barred, fight to the finish
Jihad-in-a-Cage Match to take place at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas,
between himself, the unholy spawn of the Lord of Flies and Jesus
"I-may-turn-the-other-cheek-but-my-dad-will-kill-your-ass" Christ.
The catch is though that to view online you must use Windoze98 and to
view on your home TV set you must be tuned into MSNBC. With these
broadcast limitations many are speculating that this is just another
media-hype-exploitation from Mr. Gates to sell shares of MSNBC and
copies of Windoze98. Personally I think there might be some truth to
this line of thought. I mean c'mon, if you were the Devil would you
choose Bill Gates as your son?!?!?! I sure as hell wouldn't. But hey,
I'm funny that way.
Have a nice day & enjoy the issue. And remember, ignore the hype...
:: QUOTABLE ::
I kick ass. I can pull shit from my butt, too.
-Morbus
Thesis rhymes with feces, there's a reason for that.
-Stephen King
:: THE REEF ::
This week's items is a single page 8.5" x 11" black and white poster
I found years ago stapled onto a telephone pole. It is a head and
shoulder shot of a 5 to 7 year old with sunglasses on holding up the
old middle finger. The caption on the top right reads "NAZI'S FUCK
OFF!". On the lower left it says "red, black, yellow, brown I love
all my friends!" But my favourite line is across the bottom where it
reads KIDS AGAINST ASSHOLES. That line always cracks me up. If there
really was a group by that name I think I would let my kids join if
for no other reason than just to fuck up my neighbours, hehehe (just
kidding M.M.) :-> I think I will scan this in and use it for the
WHURL-A-URL prize this issue... Lookout!
:: HORROR - BY MORBUS ::
King of the Zombies
Bought for only 3.99(US), KING OF THE ZOMBIES is a 1941 flick described
as both "chilling" and "humorous". And I have to partially agree. KING
OF THE ZOMBIES is funny, but definitely not scary. It's your typical
"stuck on an island, no one believes the servant, and yes, there is
really evil afoot here" movies. There are some good pieces:
* "Marble orchard" can be used to describe a graveyard.
* Zombies are "fugitives to the undertaker" and "too lazy to lay down."
* Rules of the Zombie: If zombie uses salt, he dries up and gets dead.
* Rules of the Zombie: If zombie looks in mirror, it "don't see
nothin'."
Not only does this movie bring some new and interesting phrases, it
also depicts two men in the same bed (this is 1941, mind you), uses the
all too well-known blur tool to make women look more beautiful, and
copies Dracula's famous line with the Doctor (who turns out to be the
evil mask wearing Voodoo person) saying "Zombies don't eat... meat."
But the funniest part of the movie is the Zombie Clapper. Yes folks,
decades before it's time, the Zombie Clapper summons all the zombies
within earshot with just two claps. Use with caution.
Filled with little makeup, a practically unknown secret plot (the
Doctor tries to learn secrets so that he can report them back to his
Axis powers), and the poorest voodoo singing I have ever heard, KING OF
THE ZOMBIES is worth its spot in my library.
:: WHURL-A-URL ::
We have a winner from last issue!! Actually we have two winners! Due to
a screw up on my part there were two active URL's in last issue's
contest.
Adam R. sent the first note in stating that www.junkfood.com
was the real URL. Well, it wasn't active when I posted VD but sure
'nuff when Adam sent his note in it was?!?!?!
The "real" real URL was supposed to be www.hell.com and seeing as
Angie C. sent a note stating that, we have two winners, twice the bang
for your buck! Prizes were sent out and everyone is just peachy-keen
happy. Adam and Angie (sound like a sitcom?) are depicted below in all
their ASCII glory (Angie is the one on the right) woohoo!.
"""""""""""""" :-----------------: pdpdpdpdpdpdpdpd
| | : Congrats to : dppdpdpdpdpdpdpdd
| __ | : Adam R. & : | dpdpdp
| / _\| : Angie C.!! : | """"" dpdpdp
| \_0/| : : | ___ dpdpdpd
| \ : You've both : | \_o\ dppddpd
| ____\ : won the 3rd VD : /_ .... dpdpdppd
| | : WHURL-A-URL : | .. pdpdpdpdp
| \_____| : contest... : |______\ ddpdpdpdp
| | : You silly kids! : | dpdpdpdpdp
|____________| :-----------------: |__________dpdpdpdpdpd
<\/> pdpdpdpdpdpdp
Thanks to Morbus for the artwork - VD's official "Bad ASCII,
Short Notice" artist.
Anyways, once again, let's WHURL-A-URL.... This week we're playing
for the above mentioned scan of the Kids Against Assholes picture.
So here are the URL's. First person to email v_d@iname.com the
correct answer wins. Ready? On your mark, get set, WHURL-A-URL!
www.gspot.org
www.we'reallgonnadie.mil
www.jspot.org
www.smellslikefish.com
www.taseslikechicken.com
www.schoolofhardknocks.edu
:: TRIVIA ::
Well, either no one knew the answer to last issue's trivia question or
no one wanted to date Morbus?!?!... It was an old cartoon though so
maybe that's why no one got it (really, I'm not just trying to make you
feel better Morbus :). The cartoon was Gulliver's Travels as featured
on the Banana Splits. The character's name was GLUM. Anyone else got any
trivia questions they want to send in? If we get some we'll start a new
regular column called STUMP-THE-CHUMP and give away even more stupid
prizes that you can't live without! Yeah Baby!!!
:: BOOKS ::
_Skinny Legs and All_ by Tom Robbins. This is one of those utterly
obtuse writings that is either loved or hated. I loved it. Let me
quote the opening sentence that sets the tone of this wonderful
novel - "It was a bright, defrosted, pussy-willow day at the onset
of spring, and the newlyweds were driving cross-country in a large
roast turkey." Huh?!? Yup you read that right. I won't give away what
the roast turkey is though - it made me laugh when it was divulged.
Other main characters include Dirty Sock, Spoon & Can o' Beans who
are exactly what their namesakes imply. This is a rollicking
adventure that is pure entertainment. Highly recommended. Bonus
recommendation is Jitterbug Perfume also by Tom Robbins. This guy
is seriously twisted - but in a really good way. These two books
have both left a lasting impression on me.
:: ZINESHITE ::
JoyZine and The Adventures of Zoe - http://www.joyzine.zip.com.au/ is
an Australian based entertainment/enlightenment webzine. It is full of
interviews with various pop/rock icons (Nirvana, Faith No More, The
Alarm, Hole, etc.), with many of the interviews conducted by Zoe
herself. I liked the Motorhead piece myself... There are a host of
sections to choose from i.e. Adventures of Zoe, Dreamtime, Feminism,
Aboriginal Art, etc. This is a site that is constantly evolving and
adding fresh material. Expect to stay a while and make many return
trips....The Wonder from Down Under...
The Instagon Foundation (TIF) - http://www.tif.org/ is not really a
zine but a...movement, yeah that fits. TIF is spearheaded by Lob who
is perhaps one of the nicest guys I've never met. TIF hosts a number
of members sites of like-minded creative individuals, including
connections to TOPY (Thee Temple Ov Psychick Youth). TIF is also the
home of the experimental noise band Instagon (kind of like William S.
Burroughs gone aural) of which Lob is the only constant. Lob has his
fingers into so many pies that it's a wonder he isn't burnt out - I
get tired just reading what he does... one of those things being a
great mailing list (tifmaillist@tif.org) to inform a wide range of
people of events, ezine launches, web site updates, poetry readings,
chapbook publications, etc. A site for the creative individuals out
there.
:: ETC ::
You can catch VD from banging buts, sniffing roadkill or smoking your
dead friends' cremation ashes. But it's much simpler to send an empty
email to v_d-subscribe@makelist.com
If you have something you'd like to see in vd or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or just want to scream at someone, send a note to
v_d@iname.com
Viewer Discretion, VD and all likenesses, imaginary or real, are
copyrighted, lefted, centered and justified.
Morbus appears courtesy of disobey.com
Why put off till tomorrow something you can rope your moron co-worker
induhvidual into to doing forever?
Next issue September 29/98
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
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...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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