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Viewer Discretion vol. 1 issue 2 august18:98
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\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 2 vol. 1 august18/98
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
__ __________________ _ __________________ _ _________________ __
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In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE
THE REEF
HORROR - BY MORBUS
WHURL-A-URL
BOOKS
ZINESHITE
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to issue number 2 of this little rag... We gained a few
subscribers since the pre-launch drive, welcome aboard people.
VD is now also available on the Usenet newsgroups alt.zines
and alt.ezines. Possibly a couple of other newsgroups as well, I
don't remember - I just hit the damn send button and moved onto
other things.
This issue is just like the last but totally different, so if
you like it pass it on to others. If you hate it, pass it on to
others. If you're ambivalent towards it, get a goddamned opinion
and quit being so wishy-washy. I don't mean that aggressively,
I just really hate people who can make a decision.
Why am I telling you this? Hmmm, where's my junkfood. Speaking of
junkfood...one of VD's subscriber's found my all time favourite
sucker - CHARMS. I haven't had one since I was a kid. I went
looking in one of these new all trendy-old-time-candy stores that
are opening in Toronto and they didn't have any. After talking to
Wanda she found some in a little variety store right here on the
university campus!!! Duh... So she gave me a couple and then
picked up about 8 more for me. Me and my kids ate them all that
night - sticky sweet. Now I never want one again. Bla. But thanks
Wanda! On the down side of this junk food praising, I chipped my
molar on a blackball candy I picked up at that trendy candy store.
$130.00 worth of dental work for a penny candy - my dentist is
happy. Thank god for the dental plan where I work.
In other news there is a new issue (#7) of The Annihilation
Fountain available now (http://www.yorku.ca/academics/neil/taf)
- it's the other web based zine I do. Check it out. There is
also a text only issue available at
http://www.disobey.com/low/listings/annihilation_fountain.htm
And now I guess it's time to shut up and get on with the issue....
just call me Kojack.
:: QUOTABLE ::
How do you order pizza in the woods?
A moose's head is a phone!!!
KNOCK, KNOCK
--who's there
BUM BUM
--bum bum who
BUM BUM HEAD
-both from Connor aged 5
:: THE REEF ::
See issue 1 for an explanation of what the hell this crap is.
This week we pull a wonderful item from The Reef; a sample of
the material sent to me by one Russel Zanger of Larchwood, Iowa.
Russel heads up 'The Remain Intact ORGAN-ization' - an anti-
circumcision group. To say this guy is fanatical is a major
understatement. The 4 inch square fluorescent orange sticker on
the outside of the envelope he sent me reads "SHOCKING!
'Historians of the future will find it incredible that in our
day we mutilated male babies, cutting off the end of their
penises!" I wonder what the postal delivery clerk thought?...
This particular mailing (he sent me 28 different mailings over a
1 year period) has 30 pages of single spaced text, 1 business
card, 1 postcard of Zanger's Airport and flying school, 2 bumper
stickers - the 1st one reads "We are Helping STOP Routine
Circumcision" (like having the end of your dick cut off is ever
routine?!?!), the 2nd one has a drawing a screaming baby strapped
down while someone is holding the babe's foreskin up with some
tool and slicing it with a scalpel. The text reads "The
"UNKINDEST" Cut of All", and finally a florescent orange sticker
with a black owl and the text "Child Abuse Begins With
Circumcision". The packages this guy sends out must cost him a
fortune.
I was getting something from him every few weeks. He is certainly
devoted to his cause.
Some of the information was actually quite informative and became
a topic of conversation around my house (we have two boys). The
only thing that really annoyed me was the religious crap he
slipped in along side of his anti-circumcision pages.
Some of his mailings just have to be seen to be believed - one
features a large picture of a young, good looking, GQ type of guy
naked and uncircumcised with the caption "the average person has
about 18 sq. ft. of skin.. Some guys are lucky... They got a
coupla extra inches!" Or even better, here's a sample of the
printed lyrics to songs by one Jess Grant who "sings songs for
boys" who've have a few inches less;
"Every time that I go to the bathroom to take a pee
I'm holding the evidence of what they did to me
They butchered my penis and frankly between us
it makes me kind of sad to see
That my foreskin's gone, I'm not the man I used to be"
Whooodoggie You get the idea.... Personally I hear Willie Nelson
singing this for some reason...
Maybe one day I'll have this all online for people to browse for
themselves....
:: HORROR - BY MORBUS ::
Halloween: H20
So I'm sitting in the theatre opening day, first showing... the
very first one to get a ticket from this place. I got my popcorn,
I got my drink, and I'm ready and hoping for a damn good movie to
finish what has become, to many, a favorite horror series.
And they did a good job on it... HALLOWEEN: H20 has a damn
fitting ending. Some may like it, some may not, and some may think
it's too easy. But, in the end (literally), it satisfies... the
second time I went to this movie, the audience clapped at the
ending. (Side note of import: it gets better the second time
around).
And I have to ask, what other movie can you see Michael Myers
walking around on the same sets with the Butterball Cenobite from
HELLRAISER, and Father Death from SCREAM 2? Or see Jamie Lee
Curtis act side by side with her mother (from PSYCHO) and see the
return (and exit) of Loomis' nurse from the first and second
HALLOWEEN?
But, on the other hand, this is the movie with the crappiest
"first-kill" victim I've ever seen. It's also the movie with
changing masks ("compassionate michael mask" and
"pissed-off-hit-with-a-rock-michael-mask" amongst others); the
movie that failed to explain all of the killings in Halloween 3, 4,
5 or 6, AND the same movie that used a different actor to portray
Michael (thus making him look like he was walking with a stick up
his ass).
Yet, if we had three hands, this is the movie that has so many
good scenes embedded within it that you can't help but feel a surge
of "wow"-dom. And as the Frankenstein metaphor so adequately
explains, her "tumultuous, round, melon breasts"... uh... wait, I'm
mixing scenes again.
Final consensus: stop fucking with already established theme music,
fitting end to a 20 year old series, enough good parts to outweigh
the bad... highly recommended. And yes, I will go see it a third
time.
:: WHURL-A-URL ::
We have a winner from last issue!! Valerie M. writes:
> I already know this one.
> It's www.shit.com.
I wonder *why* she knew that?!?! So I sent her a VD created
Psycho Circus splash screen not the Microsloth one as mentioned
because I lost that one in a computer crash >:\ And here's
Valerie's likeness rendered in ASCII for all the world to see:
___ ___ ________________________
/ \/ \ / \
| | | Congratulations! |
\ w w / | |
|O O| | Valerie M. |
d| v |b | |
| -- | _| You've Won The |
| ~ | _ First VD Challenge! |
\oooo/ \_________________________/ <\/>
Thanks to Morbus for the artwork - VD's official "Bad ASCII,
Short Notice" artist.
Anyways here's some more WHURL-A-URL fun to test your net
saviness. Oh yeah, our crack team of legal eagles found several
loop holes in the New Hampshire State Gaming Commission's
by-laws and we are able to open this contest to residents of
New Hampshire. So let's WHURL-A-URL....
www.the70'ssuckedthe1sttime.com
www.deadfishsmellbad.com
www.digginginmycrotchforpotatochips.com
www.goatsbeforegirls.org
www.mum.org
www.yousuck.com
www.bloodyhell.net
Once again, guess which URL is real and this time win an official
scanned JPEG of a crappily printed out, signed copy of VD -
woohoo!!! Sure to be a collector's item... First person to email
v_d@iname.com the correct answer wins. Ready? On your mark,
get set, WHURL-A-URL!
:: BOOKS ::
Clive Barker's _The Great and Secret Show_. This is Book One of the
Art. A three part series. This is supreme horror fantasy at its
finest. From the opening few pages Mr. Barker pulls the reader into
this dark, slightly off kilter world that is also very familiar. His
characters are creepy, likeable, nauseating and interesting -
sometimes all in one character at the same time. This is the story
of evolution pushed, one man's quest for Godhood for all the wrong
reasons and the ensuing good versus evil battle that rages around
middle America while Mr. & Mrs. Average go about their daily routine.
Part two in the series is entitled _Everville_, which is also an
excellent continuation, and part three has yet to be released. It's
easily found in paperback. Highly recommended.
If you want to review a book here send in your review to v_d@iname.com
:: ZINESHITE ::
A couple of zines that are really, really worth your time:
DEVIL SHAT - available on the web at http://www.disobey.com/devilshat
- is a "Bastion of immortality, epitome of pointlessness. What do we
mean by those big words? An incredibly interesting read with no
restriction on material." Get it every two weeks through the web or
via email by sending an empty message to morbus@disobey.com with the
subject line: Subscribe Devil Shat. Tell them that you heard about 'em
in VD.
CAPITAL OF NASTY - available on the web at http://www.capnasty.org or
via email by sending an empty message to join@capnasty.org - upon which
"you will receive a welcoming message WITH CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO
UNSUBSCRIBE. PLEASE READ THEM BEFORE YOU BITCH AT US." CoN or CapNasty
is "is a zine dedicated to the proliferation and spreading of the
electronic propaganda. Without a true manifesto, CoN sends strange
polluting messages through the minds of it's readers in the remote hope
of an eventual and complete destruction of fools without a sense of
humor. Proudly serving leftist soup since 1994."
If you write, edit or publish a zine or website you want mentioned
here, send the URL or a copy of the zine to v_d@iname.com and we'll
help make you famous.
:: ETC ::
Remember - few subjects are so innately benign and so universally
taboo as menstruation...but we're trying...in the mean time you can
catch VD by licking a dirty toilet seat - always wipe before you lick
- or you can send an empty email to v_d-subscribe@makelist.com and
there's absolutely no wiping involved.
If you have something you'd like to see in vd or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or just want to scream at someone, send a note to
v_d@iname.com
Viewer Discretion, VD and all likenesses are copyrighted up the wazoo
- so don't even think about it...
Morbus appears courtesy of disobey.com
Yeah, I stole, uh borrowed that menstruation line from Netsurfer
Digest, so what?
Next issue September 1/98
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion
TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion
...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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