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Viewer Discretion vol. 2 issue 10 Dec. 7:99
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\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 10 vol. 2 Dec. 7/99
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
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T h e r e a r e 2 4 d a y s r e m a i n i n g . . .
In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE
INSTAGON LIVE DEMONIC AUDIO CONJURING - FROM THE TIF LIST
BLOOD & GUTS 2000 - FROM THE TIF LIST
QUOTABLE ANDY - SUBMITTED BY ANDREW M.
VAMPIRE AUCTION SHITE
WORLD RECORDS NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW - SUBMITTED BY ANGIE C.
SMELL-O-RAMA WEBSHITE
VOTE FOR INSTAGON! - FROM THE TIF LIST
GROW YER OWN
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the "<insert your own text here>" issue. Kinda like a No
Frills issue. Without Leo of course. Whatever. Let's get right to what
the reader's (that's you) write... VD's favourite Texan, Bunnie23 had
this to say about the who wants to be a white millionaire thingy last
issue:
Did you also notice how STUPID most of the questions
are? I've only watched bits and pieces of White Folks
Who Want To Be A Millionaire. booooring.
I know. I saw a schmuck ask for help on the fucking $100 question. What
a dork. He lost. Good. He doesn't deserve any money.
Bunnie23 also went on to ask:
HEY IS YOUR HEADACHE ALL GONE NOW??
Yeah. Thanks for asking.
And about Steal Something Day still Bunnie23 spoke...
I love this. The Adbusters buy-nothing day is nothing
but a load of white middle-class feelgood crap. It's
not empowerment for people struggling to get by.
Unless...we can figure out a way to get yuppies to
fork over loads of cash on their Buy Nothing Day.
Something like: here, hand over your wallet. I won't
give you a damn thing for your filthy money! It's like
one of those win-win situations managers like to talk
about after they've attended a conference on the 7
Habits of Highly Defective People. The yuppie gets to
feel pious for doing a good deed, and I'll have a fat
wallet. yeah.
GO GRRRL!!! YEAH! Vote this woman into office and let's kick some
yuppie ass - woohoo!!!!
And speaking of GRRLs, remember that big thing AFeXT had coming up that
he mentioned a while ago? Well he had this to say about it:
Guess what.
http://www.electricbiscuit.com, that's what.
I shoulda told you sooner, oh well.
Yeah, you should have. Better late than never I guess.
In other news - there is no other news. Enjoy the issue or... don't.
:: QUOTABLE ::
"Hey! :P I'm hot, in that tall extremely-thin-and-pale long haired
yugoslavia-mostly-american kinda way...
I think..
Umm.
Hmm."
-AFeXT
"Jesus loves you, but Satan will do you favours".
-Submitted by Bunnie23
:: INSTAGON LIVE DEMONIC AUDIO CONJURING - FROM THE TIF LIST ::
Damn I wish I could go to this show...
INSTAGON WED. DEC 8TH..
once again we have the opportunity to play live on Dec. 8th..
Dec. 8th.. Jim Morrison's Birthday..
Dec. 8th, 1980 .. John Lennon was shot in NY..
Dec 8th 1985.. the Grateful Dead announce "official" demise..
Dec 8th, 1999 Instagon will perform a legendary set of wild spur of
the moment improvisationalist audio magick LIVE before a REAL
audience..and YOU CAN BE THERE.. no this is not some twisted joke..
this is real thing, true DEMONIC AUDIO CONJURING done right before your
very eyes and set loose to play in your eardrums..
sorry this is not for the youngsters..
this wednesday night.. Dec. 8th, 1999 at 9pm
at CLUB MESA, 843 W. 19th St. in Costa Mesa,CA (949)642-8448
cost for this truly fine once in a lifetime experience is FREE! It will
cost you absolutely nothing to witness this night of magick.. BUT you
must be at least 21 years old...
Instagon will feature Lob, Chris from Pop Narcotic, and other
surprizes.. (this is Chris's first time with Instagon be kind.. )
see you wednesday..
-/\-
:: BLOOD & GUTS 2000 - FROM THE TIF LIST ::
Another really interesting post from the TIF list. Hey Morbus, check
this one out - it has your name written all over it...
Bad Moon Books is pleased to announce
B L O O D & G U T S 2 0 0 0
Bad Moon Books is pleased to announce the 4th annual Blood & Guts
Horror Story Competition. Unlike previous years' contests, Blood &
Guts 2000 (B&G2K) will feature TWO winners each of whom will skulk away
with a crisp $100 in their bloody little paws and their stories
featured in a gorgeous doubleheaded chapbook. Dates and regulations
have not changed nor has the entry fee which is still $10 for up to
three stories. If you've considered the contest in years past and never
worked up the nerve then B&G2K is just the opportunity for which you've
been waiting; your chances of winning being twice as good.
As the Millenium winds down all manner of demons real and imagined
lurk just beyond the realm of current human experience. Indeed, who
knows what rough literary beasts, their time come round at last, slouch
toward Bethlehem to be born?
T H E D E T A I L S
B&G2K is looking for stories of at least 3000 words in length. Preference
will be shown to stories set in Canada though it is
certainly not a requirement. Preference will also be shown to
previously unpublished works.
The entry fee is $10.00 payable to Warren Layberry.
Entrants may submit up to three stories. The winners will each take
home a $100 prize and will have their winning stories published in
chapbook form by Bad Moon Books. All entrants will receive a copy of
the winning chapbook. The winners' chapbook will be launched on
Hallowe'en 2000.
Stories should be double-spaced & single-sided. Every page should be
numbered. The story title (or a portion thereof) should appear at the
top of each page. The entrant's name should appear NOWHERE on the story
itself, instead included with every entry should be an accompanying
cover letter which should state the entrant's name, address, telephone
number (and an email address if applicable). Also included on the
cover letter should be the title and word count of each story as well
as any publishing history.
Deadline: July 31st 2000
Winners Announced: August 31st 2000
SEND your story (or stories), cheque or Money Order made out to Warren
Layberry, cover letter, and a SASE TO:
"B&G2K"
c/o Bad Moon Books
P.O. Box 84052
Pinecrest
Ottawa ON
K2C 0G0
Queries can also be directed to bad_moon@istar.ca
(but please no electronic submissions)
:: QUOTABLE ANDY - SUBMITTED BY ANDREW M. ::
Yes, once again, more quotes from the Quotemiester himself, Mr Miller.
If you want to receive his quotes directly then send a note to:
amiller@teleport.com and tell him VD sent ya.
* Sanity *
"Crazy men see ghosts-sane men ignore them."
-unknown
"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning
of happiness or have gone stark raving mad."
-Norm Papernick
* Kids *
"I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the
house."
-Yogi Berra
* Legal System *
"A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance."
-Herbert Spencer
"A fox should not be on the jury at a goose's trial."
-Thomas Fuller (1608-1661)
"Courtroom: A place where Jesus Christ and Judas Iscariot would be
equals, with the betting odds in favor of Judas."
-H. L. Mencken
* Politics *
"All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies."
-John Arbuthnot (1667-1735)
"The broad mass of a nation... will more easily fall victim to a big
lie than to a small one."
-Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a
rock."
-Wynn Catlin
* Men vs. Women *
"No other Difference will be made between the Education of Boys and
Girls, except that the Girls will not be taught Mathematics."
-Male School Master about 1786
"Math is hard!"
-Talking Barbie (by Mattel) late 1980's or early 1990's
later removed from the market
* Bravery (tongue-in-cheek) *
"They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh
my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from
behind."
-Cindy Crawford
(hmmm - would that tongue-in-cheek be a rim job in this case? <g>-Ed.)
* Age *
"Old age is fifteen years older than I am."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
* Relationships *
"Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper."
-Scottish Proverb
* Competition *
"At the end of the game the king and the pawn go back in the same box."
-Italian Proverb
"When the going gets rough, you are obviously in the wrong place."
-Miss Piggy
* Discovery *
"The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the
illusion of knowledge."
-Daniel J Boorstin
* S - E - X *
"Sex is God's joke on human beings."
-Bette Davis
"The important thing in acting is to be able to laugh and cry. If I
have to cry, I think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my
sex life."
-Glenda Jackson
"The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty."
-Woody Allen
"I tried phone sex - it gave me an ear infection."
-Richard Lewis
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
-Rodney Dangerfield
"It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets
tied up."
-Joan Rivers
* Teachers *
"Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover."
-Homer Simpson
* Witty *
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven... because it
hasn't."
-Bugs Bunny
"Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling
effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early
warning signs of death: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three,
occasional drowsiness."
-Henry Gibson
:: VAMPIRE AUCTION SHITE ::
I read about this in Zentertainment and thought I would pass it on to
y'all... It seems that there is going to an auction of a private
collection of stuff from one source - La Casa de Leon - which includes
an authentic vampire killing kit from the 1800s which contains an ivory
cross, Holy Water containers, stake, and silver bullets". The
collection also in includes various antique slot machines, a jolly roger
flag and a 45lb meteor to name a few items. Man, would I love that
vampire killing kit. All totalled there's more than $10 million dollars
worth of shite being auctioned. Check it out at:
http://livebid.amazon.com
:: WORLD RECORDS NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW - SUBMITTED BY ANGIE C. ::
Angie C. figured this was really important stuff that every VD reader
should know about. So here it is - from the gutters to Angie to you...
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED: Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped
out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES: Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 28 inches from
her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH: Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without
preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her
vagina.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN: Horst Schultz achieved
18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also hold
the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed
of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.
WORST DRINK: The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and
safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their
wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very
recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent
aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL: This is available from a few select bars in
New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful
of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with
a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a
'Cunt Pump.'
ZIT POPPING: In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a
zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1
inch.
LONGEST TURD: The longest dump ever verified was produced by an
American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12
mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned
from 134 washrooms in his state. (This is for you. You know who you
are).
("Staggering Turd" - sounds like a great name for a band -Ed)
MOST PROLONGED FART: Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a
fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
And remember folks, I don't write this shite, I just pass it on. So if
you get all buggered up and offended - you're probably on the wrong
list. And if you whine and complain about it, we're just gonna make fun
of you.
:: SMELL-O-RAMA WEBSHITE ::
I found this in a computer rag... It seems that a company by the name
of DigiScents is attempting to add the stink factor to surfing the
web. Using their software and hardware you will be able to smell web
sites that are "smell-enabled". DigiScents also has a database of
thousands of scents that can be used. Now not only can you look at, but
you can smell that porn star as well...it's almost like being there....
I wonder what disobey.com would smell like? Probably like that "most
prolonged fart" mentioned above I'd bet.
:: VOTE FOR INSTAGON! - FROM THE TIF MAILING LIST ::
This comes from Lob - Orange County's nicest guy! Read this and then go
vote for his band Instagon. I did.
From: lob <instagon@netcom.com>
To: TIF Mailing list <instagon@netcom.com>
Cc: INSTAGON Mailing list <instagon@netcom.com>
Subject: CAST YOUR VOTE FOR INSTAGON..
Attention all members of both of these Email lists (if you got this
twice, my apologies..)
please point your browser IMMEDIATELY to:
http://ocbands.com/vote
and search out and vote for INSTAGON to help give list us in the OC
Register as one of the "BEST BANDS IN ORANGE COUNTY" (which you all are
very aware of that we ARE!)
so vote for Instagon.. get your friends to vote for Instagon..
don't vote twice.. that's cheating.. and that sucks..
BUT VOTE VOTE VOTE...
thanks..
LOB -/\- instagon@netcom.com
director, Thee Instagon Foundation www.tif.org/tif
editor, CAUTION online zine www.tif.org/caution
worldnetnode ov A.I.N., Access Point T.O.P.Y.instagon
THEE INSTAGON FOUNDATION pob 894 Huntington Bch,CA 92648-0894 usa
Mystic Master ov Space & Time http://www.tif.org/lob
...feel thee power ov thee gods.. create something...
:: GROW YER OWN ::
I read an item about some scientific shite that now allows for genetic
researchers to predict that within 25 years we may be able to grow yer
own artificial replacement genitals. Says one Dr. Myron Murdock, the
national director of the Impotence World Association, "As unbelievable
as this may be, [the] production of functioning human organs such as
the penis and vagina are being done today in the laboratory". At some
point one may even be able to have hiss or her own "surgically
implanted...functioning, erogenous sexual organ."
Hmmm... you could theoretically get one of each sexual organ implanted
on yourself and give a whole new meaning to the phrase "go fuck
yourself". Or AFeXT could finally get laid.... <g> (-Ed.)
:: ETC ::
You can catch VD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. If you want VD delivered
to your mailbox, send an empty email to: v_d-subscribe@makelist.com
Conversely, if you don't want VD, figure it out (it has something to do
with empty mail and v_d-unsubscribe@makelist.com - duh).
Next issue December 21/99
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
TO SUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Subscribe ViewerDiscretion
TO UNSUBSCRIBE: majordomo@disobey.com BODY: Unsubscribe ViewerDiscretion
...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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