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Viewer Discretion vol. 2 issue 12 Jan. 4:00
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\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 12 vol. 2 Jan. 4/00
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
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In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE
QUOTABLE ANDY - SUBMITTED BY ANDREW M.
CANADIAN WASCALLY NAZISHITE BY ANTIPRESS
AN AMERICAN CHRISTMAS TALE
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the "Y2K hang-over" issue. Burp. Uh huh. Everyone had a safe
holiday season I hope. Y2K turned out to be a huge assed farce - except
for all the Y2K consultants who made a not-so-small fortune. Bastards.
Wish I thought of it. Anyways, welcome to the year 2000 and all that
jism.
I'm listening to the audio tape of "Lunch at the Gotham Cafe" from the
3 short story collection called "Blood and Smoke" by Stephen King, as I
type this - just to piss off AntiPress <g>. Well, not really. I
actually really like Stephen King. I even collect his hard cover and
limited edition books. I've got his entire collection in first edition
hard covers. It takes up over 8 feet of book shelf space. Why am I
telling you this? Again, just to bug AntiPress, hehehehe <g>.
My other "serious" publication - The Annihilation Fountain has just
released its latest issue. It feature Ms. Lili I. Waring - a poet,
priestess, dominatrix and all round good person. Check it out at:
http://www.capnasty.org/taf
In the readers write department y'all had this to say about last
issue...
Upon not publishing AFeXT's "drivel" last issue I found this rant in my
inbox:
I can't believe you! Not posting my drivel! Ugh!
Yeah well, see if I plug you on EB at all, not
like you care though, but still!
You know, if the world ends, I'm gonna die a virgin,
that sucks. I wonder if they allow fucking in heaven,
or do they just like, remove your genitalia? Like
instead of having your cock and balls, you just got
smooth hairless skin down there.. OMG that would
SUCK, no more thinking about that.
I guess you don't have to piss in heaven either....
shitting too, for that matter...
I bet they allow fucking in HELL, though. Lets all be
evil and demented in the next week so we can go to
hell and fuck as much as we want!
Except in hell we still have to piss and everything,
but our urine burns like fire when we urinate...
Hey, small trade off for sex, right?
Uh yeah. Whatever you say there pal. Perhaps you should, like, get a
hooker or something so you can get this quasi sexual/religious mix-up
out of your mind and into your pants where it belongs. You're freakin'
strange dude. But on another note, any women readers, or male readers
for that matter (I don't presume to know AFeXT's sexual preferences),
out there want to deflower AFeXT? Angie? Bunnie23? Morbus? Goatboy? <g>
Anyways, you can read more drivel of this sort
at: http://www.electricbiscuit.com
uh huh.
About the Jim Morrison Surrealist Shite last issue Lob had this to say:
Jim Morrison would have never used the word "dick"
in speaking about his cock.
True enough but only "real" Door's fans would know that Lob. Morrison
probably never would have contributed to VD (the zine) either <g>.
The aforementioned AntiPress had this to say (actually he said it a
couple of weeks earlier but it got lost in the shuffle - sorry A-P):
But here's one section of the article that you,
Neil, should find of interest:
"In Toronto, a now earnest city that once carried
the nickname 'Hogtown', the district school board
has prepared a draft human rights law that would
effectively ban students from cracking jokes about
the city."
To quote someone from the article:
"You would expect this sort of censorship in a
Communist country, not a progressive democracy such
as Canada."
So what's with this censorship crap? Don't they
believe in Free Speech up there?
Two words dude - American propaganda. Your powers-that-be down there
are so jealous of the Utopia like existence we have up here that they
have to fabricate lies about how bad we are to keep Americans in
America, thereby ensuring a stable tax base for the government. It's
true. Uh huh. Would I lie? In seriousness, I have heard nothing in
relation to that story here in Toronto. I would bet that it is not
true.
Anyways, let's get on with it - here it is read it and enjoy or don't -
it's your call...
:: QUOTABLE ::
"I've always thought Marilyn Monroe looked fabulous, but I'd kill
myself if I was that fat. I went to see her clothes in the exhibition
and I wanted to take a tape measure and measure what her hips were
[laughs]. She was very big."
-From an interview with Elizabeth Hurley in some stupid fashion
magazine submitted by Bunniee
"We have uniformly rejected all letters and declined all discussion
upon the question of when the present century ends, as it is one of
the most absurd that can engage the public attention, and we are
astonished to find it has been the subject of so much dispute, since
it appears plain. The present century will not terminate till January
1, 1801, unless it can be made out that 99 are 100... It is a silly,
childish discussion, and only exposes the want of brains of those who
maintain a contrary opinion to that we have stated."
-The (London) Times, December 26, 1799 submitted by Bunniee
:: QUOTABLE ANDY - SUBMITTED BY ANDREW M. ::
Yes, once again, more quotes from the Quotemiester himself, Mr Miller.
If you want to receive his quotes directly then send a note to:
amiller@teleport.com and tell him VD sent ya.
* Insults *
"My dear Whistler, you leave your pictures in such a sketchy,
unfinished state. Why don't you ever finish them?"
-Fredric Leighton (1830-1896)
British painter on James McNeill Whistler
"My dear Leighton, why do you ever begin yours?"
-James McNeill Whistler (1834-1903),
American Painter
* Hypocrisy *
"Due to pollution, cars pose a mortal threat to the security of every
nation."
-Senator Al Gore, from his 1992 book, "Earth in the Balance"
** and **
"Cars have freed the American spirit and given us the chance to chase
our dreams."
-Vice President Al Gore in a 1999 speech to the Economic Club of
Detroit.
* Censorship *
"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what
newspapers can report."
-Louis Nel, Deputy Minister of Information, South Africa
* Politics *
"I'm for abolishing and doing away with redundancy."
-J. Curtis McKay, Wisconsin State Elections Board
"Taxation WITH representation ain't so hot either."
-Gerald Barzan
"The taxpayer -- that's someone who works for the federal government
but doesn't have to take the civil service examination."
-Ronald Reagan
* Christmas *
"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay
for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and
their kids pay for it."
-Richard Lamm
"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job
the next day."
-Phyllis Diller
"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in
Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't
find three wise men and a virgin."
-Jay Leno
Roses are reddish/Violets are bluish/
If it weren't for Christmas/We'd all be Jewish.
-Benny Hill
"From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would
be necessary to invent it."
-Katharine Whitehorn
"Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the
meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer....
Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular
entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?"
-Calvin's Dad (from Calvin and Hobbes)
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for
Christmas."
-Johnny Carson
"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him
in a department store, and he asked for my autograph."
-Shirley Temple
* Steven Wright *
"I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything
specifically."
-Steven Wright
"I put instant coffee into a microwave oven and almost went back in
time."
-Steven Wright
"For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them
in the same room and let them fight it out."
-Steven Wright
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get
it."
-Steven Wright
* Simpsons *
"I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm
going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh,
goodnight."
-Homer Simpson
"Homer no function beer well without."
-Homer Simpson
Homer: Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from
Sears?
Marge: Hmm...
Homer: Well, that's nothing because YOU have a gambling problem. And
remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he
was dressed like Santa Claus?
Marge: Mmhm...
Homer: Well YOU have a gambling problem.
"Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!"
-Homer Simpson
"Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may
achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations:
You may outsmart someone!"
-Homer Simpson
"So have a merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Kwazy Kwanzaa, a tip-top
Tet, and a solemn, dignified Ramadan."
-Krusty the Klown
"And there's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is
turned."
-Homer Simpson
"And if you get the chance, get him right in the family jewels. That
little doozy's been a Simpson trademark for generations."
-Homer Simpson
"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's
also the food preparation."
-Homer Simpson
"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's
also the food preparation."
-Homer Simpson
:: CANADIAN WASCALLY NAZISHITE BY ANTIPRESS ::
(My apologizes to AP who submitted this for last issue and I kind of
lost it in the rush of the season and all that...)
Came across a notable article in the _New York Times_ about the PC
Nazis on the loose in your country. Ripped out the clipping but don't
have a date with it; think it appeared on Saturday on page 4.
The headline reads: "Rash Talk By Wascals Frowned On In Canada" by
James Brook. Wascals? Remember Elmer Fudd in those Bugs Bunny
cartoons? ("That wascally wabbit!") Anyway, the article details
politicians across Canada trying to appease outraged politically-
correct watchdogs. To excerpt:
"Only three months ago, Bugs Bunny escaped-- with slightly
singed fur -- from a year long inquest into a formal
complaint that the wascally wabbit had violated Canadian
television's Sex Role Portrayal Code."
The article then explains the target of the complaint was the 1954
cartoon "Bewitched Bunny" in which Bugs transforms a witch into a sexy
lady bunny by using some magic powder. Walking away with the lady
bunny, Bugs turns to the viewers and says: "Ah, sure, I know! But
aren't they all witches inside?"
A horrified viewer in Ontario demanded a televised apology, according to
this NYT article. Bugs Bunny-- Sexist Pig? (What does his pal Porky
think?).
:: AN AMERICAN CHRISTMAS TALE ::
A friend of mine clipped this from the December 27/99 edition of the
Toronto Sun. And I reproduce here without permission 'cause I hate The
Toronto Sun. Uh huh.
BOY, 13, SLAIN WITH GUN GIFT
CHALMETTE, La. (AP) - A 13-year-old boy was fatally shot Christmas Day
by a playmate who received a shotgun as a gift.
John Hanley apparently stepped in front of his 12-year-old companion as
the gun went off and was shot in the head, said police.
Police said it was being treated as an accidental shooting and no
charges had been filed. Hanley died Saturday night, a hospital
spokesman said.
The 12-year-old apparently bent over to tie his shoe and stood up with
his finger on the trigger when the shotgun when [sic] off, police said.
The two boys had been taking target practice Saturday in a wooded area
in Poydras, about 20 km southeast of New Orleans, police said.
Authorities were notified after the 12-year-old and another boy carried
Hanley out of the woods, a walk that took them about 40 minutes.
###
But guns don't people and all that. What fucking moron would give a 12-
year-old a shotgun? Unbelievable. Merry fucking Christmas. BOOM!!! God,
I love hating America <g>.
:: ETC ::
You can catch VD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. If you want VD delivered
to your mailbox, send an empty email to: v_d-subscribe@makelist.com
Conversely, if you don't want VD, figure it out (it has something to do
with empty mail and v_d-unsubscribe@makelist.com - duh).
If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to
v_d@iname.com or don't.
Next issue January 18/00
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
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...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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