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Viewer Discretion vol. 1 issue 21 May 11:99
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\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 21 vol. 1 May 11/99
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
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T h e r e a r e 2 3 4 d a y s r e m a i n i n g . . .
In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE SUBMITTED BY STUDIO GUILLOTINE
NO FRILLS OF OUR LIVES - BY GOATBOY
THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED - BY GUTTERVISION
BEESHITE
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to the "Gary's birthday" issue. Who is Gary you ask? He's the
same person I have a thank-you to on The Annihilation Fountain. Gary is
the brother I never had. We became inseparable friends when we were 15
years old. We hung out together and shared our love of cars, motorbikes,
movies, adventure, hell, even girlfriends. His obsession with computers
in turn got me interested in them as well - I would even say he is
directly responsible for me having a career in IT field today.
Unfortunately Gary died on March 9, 1996 from cystic fibrosis. He was
almost 34. What a shame. Happy Birthday buddy.
On to happier things...
A relatively small issue this time around as I'm really busy and not
really concentrating on this. Actually I'm just babbling on here not
really aware of what my fingers are typing so if I offend you, sorry.
Bla. see I bought a bunch of Rollo candies the other day, you know the
chocolate covered caramel thingies, and now I'm sugar rushing woo hoo!
In other news...
In response to my ragging about the recent shootings in Colorado one
of my favourite readers had this to say:
> From: bunnie23 <bunnie23@netzero.net>
> Things like that don't happen in Canada, eh? HA. Notice the guy was
> wearing a trenchcoat, even if it was the wrong colour.
>
> http://www.cnn.com/WORLD/americas/9904/28/canada.shooting.03.ap/
>
> bunniee
For those of you who don't know what this is about, on Wednesday April
28th, in a small backwater, religious town in Alberta, Canada a kid
wearing a blue trenchcoat walked into a high school and shot 2 students,
killing one and injuring the second. Well, it's either God's fault or
that wacko Yankee media influence I tell ya...<g>
And when Morbus read this in the last issue:
> Morbus doesn't appear courtesy of lazyass.com
He had this to say:
> Fucker <g>...
Never at a loss for words that boy.... Unfortunately Morbus isn't with
us again this issue due to an abrupt, unscheduled move. Hopefully by
the time he reads this he'll be settled down somewhere else in that
wasteland called New Hampshire...
And last but not least, our friend Anti-Press had this to say regarding
Goatboy's comments on A-P's comments about Canada. Clear as mud right?
> Enjoyed VD #20 DESPITE the Ugly American remarks <g>. We must
> respond to that statement by Goatboy that we've never been to Canada
> as indicated by our list of Popular Canadian Images. For the
> record, we've been up there lots of times-- well, to Quebec. Hmmm,
> then again, maybe we really HAVEN'T been to Canada...
Yeah, you have. Quebec is as Canadian as you can get. Of course the only
problem with Quebec City is all those Ugly American tourists, hehe <g>.
Man, I know I'm gonna start getting mail because I'm picking on all you
Americans out there...but y'all are such easy targets, hehehe oops, did
it again didn't I?.... <g>
And speaking of A-P - hopefully you got past the SWM discrimination
factor and found a new Reality Centre. Too much moving going on down
there...it must be Landlords-are-Assholes Month in the U.S...
Hmm....Got any Landlords-are-Assholes tales from anywhere else you
want to share? Send them to VD and we'll let you get some electronic
revenge... Hell got any making-fun-of-Americans stories? hehehe
Anyways, enough Yank bashing (for now <g>) and on with the issue. Enjoy
it or don't. It's up to you, I'm too high on sugar to care.
:: QUOTABLE SUBMITTED BY STUDIO GUILLOTINE::
"The arts of power and its minions are the same in all countries and in
all ages. It marks its victim; denounces it; and excites the public
odium and the public hatred, to conceal its own abuses and
encroachments."
-Henry Clay, From: Speech in the Senate, March 14, 1834
"There is no way of keeping profits up but by keeping wages down."
-David Ricardo
"Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education."
-Bertrand Russell
"If you rub it in, both at home and abroad, that you are ready for
instant war, with every unit of your strength in the first line and
waiting to be first in, and hit your enemy in the belly and kick him
when he is down, and boil your prisoners in oil (if you take any), and
torture his women and children, then people will keep clear of you."
-John Arbuthnot Fisher, British Admiral 1841-1920
:: NO FOOLS OF OUR LIVES - BY GOATBOY::
Since working in a grocery store sucks, to say the least, we try to
make it as much fun as possible. This is usually done by playing pranks
on each other, throw tomatoes and eggs in a battle of the fittest and
lately, draw cartoons of each other doing obscene things with cucumbers,
rutabagas, watermelons, cashier number 6..
Last Sunday I was leaving work, and someone mentioned that the produce
department had hit my car. Last time I heard that, I had to run to my
car as a shower of tomatoes landed all over the parking lot and onto my
windshield. To this day, there are seeds stuck on the hood. So as I
left, I kept looking back at the smiling produce guys, waiting for them
to start a bombardment, when on the windshield of my car I see a large
piece of cardboard.
The piece of cardboard had the following written on it:
EAST ASIAN PROSTHETICS Co. Ltd.
Please follow instructions carefully.
Instructions:
1. Open in front of: family members, girlfriend, class, special
ceremonies.
I look inside my car and there is a cardboard box with a red ribbon on
it. The words "Fragile" are written all over the box.
I open the box (in front of my girlfriend who had come to pick me up
from work) and inside a find a giant penis made from a banana and two
onions taped together. Another red ribbon tied at the tip of the
circumcised banana.
2. Remove article with care from box.
3. Install perpendicularly to abdominal body area at 90 degree
angle.
4. Perform riverdance in circular motion, holding article firmly
while alternating hands on every jump.
Cautions:
- Maximum rubbing speed must not exceed 1200 strokes/second.
- Each time when performed must not exceed 5 hours in duration
or there will be severe repercussions.
- Keep away from mature females.
- Warranty shall be void when article is misused, mishandled or
used too much.
Beside never laughing so hard, now I am stuck with the dilemma of
topping this one off. I mean, they put water in my jacket, I put their
boots in water and froze them. They put a rotten squash in my bag, and
I retaliated with an explosive coke. But this?
I'll leave you as I stare at my vegetables and seek inspiration.
:: THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED ::
"Great spirits have always met with violent opposition from mediocre
minds" Albert Einstein
GUTTERVISION is an alternative high-culture program geared for the
Generation X audience. With its emphasis on music, performance, art and
artist interviews, GUTTERVISION provides exposure to new acts in a
format that reflects the true world of each artist and the experience
and expectations of the fans. GUTTERVISION is the next step in
America's underground scene.
GUTTERVISION patrols the art trenches across the United States,
bringing to life the sights and sounds of alternative art, humour, and
drama. GUTTERVISION has an artistic freedom unavailable to other so-
called "cutting edge" programs and features never-seen-before, never-to-
be-seen-again music videos by The Cramps, NIN, My Life With The Thrill
Kill Cult, Danzig, Dead Can Dance, and many others.
For those who are prepared, GUTTERVISION offers the opportunity to be
devoured by the night in the privacy of ones own home.
For further information
GUTTERVISION "High Defiance Television"
P.O. BOX 16343
N. Hollywood, CA 91615
(818) 753-6668 Voice Mail
WWW.GUTTERVISION.COM WEBSITE
:: BEESHITE ::
>From Wired News <wired_news_daily_wired@wired.infobeat.com>
A Bee Siege
3:00 a.m. 10.May.99.PDT
A truck carrying millions of bees overturned, releasing a black cloud
of angry bees that closed a highway in Maine for eight hours.
Fire-fighters were helpless to deal with the situation until
professional beekeepers gave them some good advice: Spraying the hives
with water calmed the bees so crews could load them onto another truck.
One officer explained the bees were fooled into thinking the weather
had changed and stayed in their hives to wait out the rain.
---
Hmmm...Stephen King lives in Maine...watch for this theme to crop up in
a new novel soon... You heard it hear first...
:: ETC ::
You can catch VD in just about any gutter...really. But if you want VD
delivered to your mailbox, you have to send an empty email to:
v_d-subscribe@makelist.com
Conversely, if you don't want VD or enjoy the gutter life, then send an
empty email to: v_d-unsubscribe@makelist.com
And we'll unsub your unappreciative, unworthy, underachieving ass.
Pretty simple huh? Well, most of the time for most of the people.
If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to
v_d@iname.com or don't.
Viewer Discretion is archived exclusively at Low Bandwidth -
http://www.disobey.com/low/listings/viewer_discretion.htm
because Morbus cares, he really cares.
Morbus doesn't appear courtesy of landlords-are-assholes.com
Goatboy appears courtesy of capnasty.org
Everyone else appears here 'cause I ripped 'em off but at least I gave
them credit.
And a parting thought ripped from Goatboy's sigfile:
"Interesting, isn't it, that the Pope drives around in a car with
bullet-proof glass in the window. Jesus Christ never wore nail-proof
gloves, though, did he?"
-John Dowie
Next issue May 25/99
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
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...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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