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Viewer Discretion vol. 2 issue 7 Oct. 26:99
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\ \ /_/i e w e r issue 7 vol. 2 Oct. 26/99
\ \/| |i s c r e t i o n ISSN 1481-2266
\__| |/ v_d@iname.com
| _ |/ archived at disobey.com
|___|/ http://www.disobey.com/text/
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T h e r e a r e 6 6 d a y s r e m a i n i n g . . .
In this issue:
WELCOME
QUOTABLE
RELATIVITY IS NOT RELATIVISM BY PAUL LAURENDEAU
QUOTABLE ANDY
NEW CD FROM INSTAGON... KONA!! - SUBMITTED BY LOB
ALIENS ARE REAL - FROM THE INSTAGON LIST
UNCARVED - FROM THE INSTAGON LIST
IRONY'S A BITCH WHEN IT'S A HUGE ASSED CLIFF
ETC
:: WELCOME ::
Welcome to "Angie C's/Tweek's underpants gnomes" issue. Uh huh. It's
true. Why? I have no idea. Let's ask Angie, hey wouldn't that make a
great advice column? LETS ASK ANGIE - it's got a ring to it doesn't it?
C'mon Angie wanna be VD's version of Ann Landers? <g> Anyways, Angie
had this to say about last issue:
I have ARRIVED man, my quote opened VD!
(usually it's the other way around)
thanks for the entertaining tidbits.
Uh, she's talking about last issue right? And this issue too I guess.
Wow, maybe she's like psychic or something? Maybe it had something to
do with Tweek's underpants gnomes....? I don't know. LETS ASK ANGIE,
who also had this to say about the webcam link I put in last issue:
my GAWD there are actually people in the
computer lab this means you have created
a functional environment for them. they
shd come to MY office.
Where they'll find underpants gnomes hard at work. We're thinking of an
underpants-cam for next issue. Any volunteers? And speaking of
underpants, Angie also submitted "A brilliant quote by Amy of (Matt
Groenig's) Futurama" about that most dreaded of social interactions -
dating. Skip on down to the Quotable section to read the quote. Of
course Angie sent it to me in a .wav file so I could hear it...but you
can't. Too bad because Tweek's underpants gnomes were singing in the
background. It was kinda creepy. Kinda like dating. If any one else
wants a copy of the .wav file, LETS ASK ANGIE for it.
But I guess that much like Tweek's underpants gnome's, Angie C. really
has arrived now - with two issues of VD emanating from her quotes in a
month where underpants really seem to be a VD theme... Is it VD or is it
Angie? LETS ASK ANGIE and find out... So if you have any questions about
anything, especially sex or dating, send them to v_d@iname.com and I'll
forward them to Angie and hopefully she'll have a whole host of answers
for her adoring public... <g>
In completely unrelated news... My 8 year old daughter just got her
orange belt in Karate last weekend. And mom and dad paid for another
wack of lessons that should end with her getting her black belt by the
time she is 12 - long before she starts dating <g>. Way to go and good
luck in the future kid, I love ya... (no she doesn't read VD but it's
the thought that counts).
And it's just days now until Morbus unveils The Horror Section for the
world of horror lovers to gasp over... http://www.disobey.com/horror/
And in this VD World News exclusive - Anti-Press has received "an
inquiry from the Pope who wants to be a regular contributor to APE"
(Anti-Press Ezine). Uh huh, you heard it here first. Nothing like
using quotes out of context to prove a non-existent point. And
speaking of Mr. "Phlematic", A-P, he had this to say about me in
another note:
"We think he ate too much beaver on Canadian
Thanksgiving Day."
Well, if we're going to start eating national symbols, I would
much rather eat beaver than bald eagle <g>. Silly Amerkians...
Hmmm...no bitching and whining from AFeXT this issue...we must be
failing somewhere...<g>
And in the tradition of poetry that started last issue, here's an
unintentional little bit prose from Mr. Goatboy:
Fuck me.
I am sorry.
I am so behind life.
Kinda brings tears to one's eyes doesn't it? sniff sniff....<g>
(Tweek's underpants gnomes appear courtesy of South Park)
Enjoy the issue...
:: QUOTABLE ::
You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think
he's a pig but then later on you realize he actually has a really good
body.
-Amy from Futurama (submitted by Angie C.)
:: RELATIVITY IS NOT RELATIVISM BY PAUL LAURENDEAU::
In the last issue's Quotable section the following quote appeared
attributed to Albert Einstein:
"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it
seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot
stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours
that's relativity."
Paul L. took exception to it and submitted the following:
Mister editor,
I do not question the percussive beauty of that example, but its
accuracy. I am certain Einstein never said that, because that is not
relativity. That is RELATIVISM i.e. a simple fluctuation of the
subjective impression one have of the length or shortness of time.
Please note that that impression is actually falsified by the stability
of the durations mentioned in the aphorism: two hours/two minutes,
flush and stable both times. Einstein argued for the OBJECTIVE
relativity of the physical reality of existence, not for subjective
relativism of empirical impressions, as exemplified here. That quotable
quote, Mister Editor, hurts me in my moral... Consequently, I submit
here to you three short quotable aphorisms:
1- You take her in your arms to enter the house after a cosmic wedding
ceremony. On the moon she is so light that you feel like flying. On
Jupiter, she is so heavy that you crumble, and loose all masculine
composure. What can you do, her weight is not an absolute reality,
but necessarily OBJECTIVELY CORRELATED to the planet she is on. Yours
too.
2- Escaping from all, you kiss her for the first time in the airport,
and for the second time in the plane flying at 1000 km/hour. Scoundrel
as you are, you time these kisses. 3 minutes flush both times. Well
actually, the kiss was some nano seconds shorter in the plane, because
the duration of the movements of your tongues, of your whispers, of the
shivers on your lips, even of the movement of the needles of the watch
you slyly stare at, are all CORRELATED to the speed of the plane. She
does not notice that fluctuation of time due to speed, neither do you,
but it is a fact.
3- Both of you are making love at the place which turns her on the
most: on the top of a locomotive rolling high speed in a night with no
moon. She wants to know if she will have the time to reach orgasm
before the next station, so she orders you to look if you can see that
station. Unable to disobey your mistress, you pull a flashlight out of
your (down) pants and turn it on in the direction of where the
locomotive is rolling. Both of you come at that exact moment, so you
will have to take my word on this: the speed of the light of your
flashlight is not an addition of the Speed of Light plus the one of the
train, as if, say, her kink at the moment would have been that you
shoot a bullet with a gun (where: speed of the bullet on the train =
speed of the train + speed of the bullet on land. Got it? Never mind.
Just continue shooting yourself, Jock... At least she knows what I am
talking about!). The speed of light remains exactly the same if you are
on a rolling train or motionless. It is the only NON-CORRELATED
phenomenon known in Einsteinian physics. Pretty orgiastic, hey...
These three aphorisms Mister Editor, are definitely not from Einstein,
but at least they are real manifestation of his doctrine of relativity.
An admirer of VD.
-Damn Paul. Now you've gone and turned VD into a quasi-academic rag
-instead of the piece of shite toss off it's supposed to be. I've
-worked real hard at keeping this thing at a Jerry Springerish level
-and now, despite my ultra low standards, you've turned it into a
-philosophical rag. Thanks a bunch there Einstein <g> (-Ed.)
:: QUOTABLE ANDY ::
Yes, once again, more quotes from the Quotemiester himself, Mr Miller.
If you want to receive his quotes directly then send a note to:
amiller@teleport.com and tell him VD sent ya.
Oops, no quotes from Andy this week. Next week maybe...
:: NEW CD FROM INSTAGON... KONA!! - SUBMITTED BY LOB ::
Thee Instagon Foundation and SheepHole Recordings are very happy to
inform you ov thee arrival ov a new CD from TEMPLE OV PSYCHICK YOUTH
based demonic audio wizards.. INSTAGON..
KONA is a LIVE CD recorded in July of 1999 in Costa Mesa, CA at Kona
Lanes. This CD features the entire show.. which consisted of a
soundcheck and 2 sets of improvisational audio magick in thee
Instagonian style.. players on this CD include members of MINDROT,
SHIVA, THE CLAMS, THE ACTION LEAGUE, NBT, SECTIONS OV DINGO, and of
course LOB..
songs on this disc include "Forward", "My Little Red Planet", "Space
Walk", and covers of "Electric Funeral"(Black Sabbath), "Bela Lagosi's
Dead"(bauhaus), and other surprizes.. people who have heard this disc
have made comparisons in the sound to JOY DIVISION meets CAN.. you can
decide for yourself..
this disc is being produced by SHEEP HOLE RECORDINGS in Fullerton, CA
on a CD-R format.. in a package designed, and with layout, by Lob..
cost for this disc is $14.00 w/ US Priority postage included..
(outside the USA should ask first for correct pricing..)
please send well hidden money, or checks payable to: "Cary Pealer"
send orders to:
SheepHole Recordings
1105 W. Elm Ave.
Fullerton, CA
92833-4123 usa
send Email inquiries to:
"Cary L. Pealer" <ovdingo@earthlink.net>
have a great day..
LOB -/\- instagon@netcom.com
director,Thee Instagon Foundation www.tif.org/tif
editor, CAUTION online zine www.tif.org/caution
worldnetnode ov A.I.N., Access Point T.O.P.Y.instagon
THEE INSTAGON FOUNDATION pob 894 Huntington Bch,CA 92648-0894 usa
Mystic Master ov Space & Time http://www.tif.org/lob
...feel thee power ov thee gods.. create something...
-As someone who has several Instagon recordings I can highly, highly
-recommend Instagon as a musical adventure that doesn't disappoint.
-Hell I even sent off my note to Cary inquiring as to the costs
-involved in shipping a copy of KONA to Canada...(-Ed)
:: ALIENS ARE REAL - FROM THE INSTAGON LIST ::
This is a notice for you creative types. Lob of the previously
mentioned Instagon fame send it out on his list and now I'm forwarding
to y'all.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sun, 24 Oct 1999 21:39:20 -0700
From: opus23 bigdaddy <opus23@worldnet.att.net>
To: lob ster <instagon@netcom.com>
Subject: AARPRESS ON-LINE
Aliens ARE REAL goes live nov 1st, and I am looking for some more
content. Poetry, short stories, ART OR PHOTOS!!!!, ect. Please send it
all ta aarpress@hotmail.com
:: UNCARVED - FROM THE INSTAGON LIST ::
Here's another item of interest from Lob & co.
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 12:21:15 +0100
From: John Eden <eden@uncarved.demon.co.uk>
To: eden@uncarved.demon.co.uk
Subject: Uncarved
Sorry for the impersonal email... though you should be used to that
now...
I've just been buggering about with my web site again and I thought you
might be interested to know what's new.
Now added:
1) Details of what I'm up to from November-February
2) Reviews and contacts to keep you going while I'm away
3) Some old reviews that were going to appear in Turbulent Times issue 8
Check it out
http://www.uncarved.demon.co.uk
John Eden
:: IRONY'S A BITCH WHEN IT'S A HUGE ASSED CLIFF ::
I heard a report last week on the local news station about this 60 year
old woman doing an illegal sky dive off of some high cliff in Yosemite
National Park. Her shute didn't open and she pancaked. Why was she
skydiving from a cliff you ask? Well, it seems she was protesting the
fact that sky diving from that particular cliff is illeagal because the
authorities deem it unsafe. Bwa haha hahhahaha truth really is stranger
than fiction - and a lot funnier too. It's great to have other people's
misfortunes to laugh at <g>.
:: ETC ::
You can catch VD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. If you want VD delivered
to your mailbox, send an empty email to: v_d-subscribe@makelist.com
Conversely, if you don't want VD, figure it out (it has something to do
with empty mail and v_d-unsubscribe@makelist.com - duh).
If you have something you'd like to see in VD or an idea for a section
you'd like to write or whatever, type it up and send it in a note to
v_d@iname.com or don't.
Next issue November 9/99
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Morbus made me put this here cos he's a "visionary"...
Viewer Discretion and its back issues are available at:
http://www.disobey.com/text/
Viewer Discretion, VD, its content are. <-Zen style copyright, uh yeah.
Copyright 1998-2000 Neil MacKay <-Legal style copyright, uh huh.
Publication by Disobey.
http://www.disobey.com/
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...whatever...dogs bark...but the caravan moves on.
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