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Devil Shat 1998 12 17
.ili. Devil Shat Forty Two .ili.
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THE DEVIL'S DUMP ................................... by Morbus
This is Devil Shat Forty Two released on 12/17/98. Devil Shat is
published by Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of
the issues are archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
Barbecue chips. Yum.
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.ili. THE DEVIL'S DUMP .ili.
---------------------------- by Morbus
---REMAKE YOURSELF by Morbus
Besides the fact that "Remake Yourself" remotely sounds like Atari
Teenage Riot meets Self-Help Group 2000, it also indicates a pretty sad
state of affairs in movies nowadays.
Granted, remakes and "updated" versions aren't a new thing. We've had
'em for years: those who try to remake the classics (ie. the non-violent
"The Thing" with John Carpenter's visceral and gory version), but this
year seems to herald in a new trend. We've got Christopher Reeve as
realistically as possible portraying the photographer in Alfred
Hitchcock's "Rear Window". We've got carbon copy remakes of another of
his classics, "Psycho", and now there's news that "Texas Chainsaw
Massacre" is being remade for its 25th anniversary.
What a crappy present.
You'll also notice that these movies are all "thriller" related.
Remember when "thriller" was the buzz word long ago? You saw it in TV
Guide describing movies that you knew were 100% horror. You saw Siskel
and that other guy describing "thrillers" - "horror" was a turn-off...
it just wouldn't sell.
No, no, no, though. Not anymore. "Scream" made slightly more money than
they imagined (ok, a lot more), and then "Scream 2" did the same thing,
even being re-released to keep the audience coming. All of a sudden, we
see old series being revitalized ("Halloween" and "Child's Play") and
new movies being created that follow the same idea ("The Faculty" and
"Disturbing Behavior"). And, oh yeah, you're goddam right it's a horror
movie, and it's the best damn one you're gonna see this summer.
Yeah, right. Movie people are already running out of ideas... which is
one of the reasons I'm attributing to the rash of remakes. This isn't
all bad, and I don't want that to come across. Horror movies and the
horror genre is my life. I love the idea of seeing a new horror movie on
the big screen every week. So, why am I complaining? Because the QUALITY
of horror movies on the big screen is becoming much like that big shelf
of "unrented, unknown horror"... most of it sucks, but you'll probably
find a gem somewhere.
Disney has the right idea, as this Christmas they'll be releasing
"Mighty Joe Young". Most people don't know that this is a remake of a
rather old film (which was quite good). But... no one has heard about
it, so it seems new.
I firmly believe in the fact that you can't remake a classic, which is
why "Psycho" (good Norman Bates, mediocre else), and "Rear Window" (bwa
hahah... um. No. Bad.) will never match up. If you shouldn't remake a
classic, at least remake an unknown. Hell, maybe you'll find a new
series venture ("Suspiria 4: The Witching Hour" ... ahhhhhhhhhh!).
--FURBIES, YES FURBIES by Morbus
This had to come sooner or later. Long time readers of Devil Shat know
of an article about those stupid Tamagotchi's that penetrated into our
society, and then a follow-up concerning virtual life that could breed
like rabbits. The Furby, that cuddly little thing, is the next in the
evolution of non-life, as well as the model for next season's rip off
toys.
Besides being a furry computer that can learn English as well as speak
their native tongue (conveniently called "Furbish"), Furbies can
transmit their own sickness to other nearby Furbies. Isn't that just
great! Not only will our kids be talking more to their imaginary
friends, but they'll also be beating up their neighbor because they made
their toy sick.
I don't know about you, but that disturbs me.
Kids have an active imagination... they see things where adults don't,
personify their toys, play guns with their soldiers, or dress up their
dolls. That's not the problem - the kids control their play themselves.
Mixing "new" toy technology with unrefined imagination throws in a
randomness that isn't healthy. Furby gets sick but the kid wants to
play. The kid wants to play the next day but the damn toy is STILL sick.
Sure, we see kids claiming their doll is ill, and for a day or two take
care of it... eventually nursing it back to health. There is no right or
wrong way of nursing, nor is the sickness a negative: the kid has
created it.
A Furby that gets sick while the kid is having fun, or gets sick during
the kid's birthday, or just plain old gets sick and stays sick, anchors
the kid into an imagination they might not to play with.
Let alone the fact that they are carrying around a technological
bombshell. What if the damn thing shorts out (which has happened)? What
if it just starts growling due to some mechanical error? A growling
Furby immediately floats "Kill the humans" through my thoughts, along
with the nightmares that it'll give the child. Aren't toys supposed to
be fun? How the hell can a toy be fun if you can't cuddle with it
because of its hard inner parts? Or that you can't take it outside
because it's dirty or raining?
Furbies, virtual life, and all of its offshoots just seem to be a bad
solution to a problem that shouldn't exist: parenting. "Ignore the kid,
dear, he's got the Furby to talk to him."
Where the hell is Teddy Ruxpin when you need him?
--50 WORDS OR LESS by Morbus
I'm not one to be religious... hell, I could be considered an
anti-religious zealot, if they exist. Yet a tip from a reader and writer
of Devil Shat prompted this impromptu DEVIL'S DUMP.
It seems that one morning on the traditionally named "Morning Wake Up
Show" of a WXPZ, Bill and Denise read something called "The Bible in 50
Words". I reprint it here since it'll probably disappear in a couple of
weeks:
*God made, Adam bit, Noah arked, Abraham split.
*Joseph ruled, Jacob fooled, bush talked, Moses balked.
*Pharaoh plagued, people walked, sea divided, tablets guided.
*Promise landed, Saul freaked, David peeked, prophets warned, Jesus born.
*God walked, Love talked, anger crucified, hope died.
*Love rose, Spirit flamed, Word spread, God remained.
It seems to me that by summarizing the Bible into this nice little
rhyming limerick, we give a horrible insult. When you go into a
bookstore, more often than not, you see Cliff Notes somewhere within.
Cliff Notes are for those who don't give a damn about the book and don't
want to read it ("yeah, but this isn't an ordinary book, Morbus! This is
THE Book") or for those who don't have time to read it ("don't have time
to read the Bible? Sinful!")
Now, I don't know about you reader type people, but one of the major
things which is always brought up when concerned with the Bible are the
10 commandments. Hmm... read, read, read ("hey! the Bible in 30 seconds!
This is great!")... nope, nothing in here about any Commandments, guess
they aren't important.
In a day where religion incites wars, hatred, prejudice, and as much
media as it does, it seems that practitioners should try making other
people understand religion's importance and merit. Dummying up the Bible
into 50 words IS NOT the right way, nor does it show the respect, the
reverence, or the moralistic teachings that so many people want us to
see and understand.
Ah twell.
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