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Devil Shat 1997 09 25
.ili. Devil Shat Ten .ili.
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The Devil Shat Dictionary, Part One ................ by Morbus
Letting Go ......................................... by Morbus
This is Devil Shat Ten released on 09/25/97. Devil Shat is published by
Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of the issues are
archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
Then I had some peanut butter.
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.ili. The Devil Shat Dictionary, Part One .ili.
------------------------------------------------ by Morbus
This is the tenth issue of Devil Shat. Now most of you are probably
wondering why I chose to point out that incredibly obvious fact. Well,
simply because we are going to do one of those "tenth issue special
article anniversary aren't we cool and old" things.
In all honesty though, Devil Shat has had one of those turbulent
beginnings. One of those "we're gonna try and stand in your way and
defeat your zeal" beginnings. Sure, we got kicked off AOL and because of
that, there wasn't an issue for more than a month. And then, after we
explained the situation in Devil Shat Five, there was almost a two month
empty span before we dedicated ourselves to a biweekly basis. The zine
has had its share of opposers. Ok... well, more than its share of
opposers. But we were always there... much to the pleasure of our
readers.
So instead of doing a cheesy recap issue, we decided to bring you the
Devil Shat Dictionary. In it, words, expressions, and ideas from all of
the previous issues are defined in our own terms. Enlightenment never
came so easy.
ABORTION CLINIC: The new target for terrorists. More controversy
surrounds these institutions than Congress or the White House.
AH TWELL: An act of indifference, uncaring. Often used to end an
explanation about something that is utterly pointless to even try and
change.
AOL: Please call back later and read this.
BASEBALL GAME: A marketing gimmick in which people play with a round
object and make more money than you.
BUSH: (see "stupidity")
CANNED ADVERTISEMENT: When someone tries to be enthusiastic as they read
words from a card.
CYNICISM: Distrusting or disparaging the motives or sincerity of others.
Showing contempt for accepted standards.
DAMMIT: Not the exclamation, but more a description of something that
earns special negative attention. Often used when people confuse an
issue, and then speak out about their misconception. (see
"misconception").
DEATH: Only happens in movies.
DESENSITIZED: Becoming familiar with objects that once repulsed us.
Apparent by the number of sites on the Internet that glamorize serial
killers and photos of death and destruction. (see "death")
FACE VALUE: Accepting that the cat is blue without looking at why the
cat is blue, or what pigment the blue on the cat is, or what kind of cat
it is, or where the cat came from, or why the cat isn't green.
FRIENDSHIP: Having feelings of affection or personal regard to someone
else. This does not necessarily include lying to your friend or posing
behind an image so that you can keep your friend. Very healthy.
GO DOODLE: Another expression for taking a shit.
GOTH: People who dress up all in black and try to be depressed all the
time. They often take Prozac to ensure that their image is real. Note
that there are hundreds of different varieties of Goth, and to explain
them all here would be difficult. We'll get Wannabe Goth to write a
column.
GREAT FUZZY, THE: In early Australian society, the Great Fuzzy was known
as the principal god and often worshipped as such. It was only until
Australians discovered that their prayers were being unanswered that
they finally embraced Christianity.
GUN DOWNED FROM THE TOP OF A WATER TOWER: The act of being put in your
place. Used when people get angry about something pointless. Also used
when you find out something that you would never have expected. This
definition is very vague, but so is the expression.
HATERS: Those people who irrationally believe that by hating everything
they will live a better life. Often they feel the world is totally
against them, and that they can only feel happy if everything sucks.
They can find a fault in everything, but apparently cannot see the fault
within themselves.
HERO: People we feel we can look up to, or mimic. Heroes are often
turned into the villain within a short time (example: oj simpson, that
security guard from the olympics, etc.)
HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT: People who justify their reasonings for a brighter
cause.
HOLY BUDDHA OF JERUSALEM/ZIMBABWE: A generic term for a religious
figure. This is used so that insult is not made if you screw up his
name... and also because there are so many different deities out there
anyway.
IGNORANCE: Lack of knowledge or training, unlearned.
IMAGE: That which you portray but whom you are not, the image is often a
front for people to try to get past. Most don't even care as they are
trying to maintain their own image.
IMITATION DEAD PEOPLE: Considered a classic line by many (thank you),
this refers to the idea of cloning in which your survivors would have to
bury your duplicates as well as the original when you die.
IRRATIONAL: Lacking the faculty of reason; deprived of reason.
JOKER, THE: Once said that if he had a past that he would want it to be
multiple choice.
LEFT WING RADICAL ANTI RACIST TERRORISTS: Hi.
LET'S GET EVIL: To blow something totally out of proportion and to do it
in a sick, sadistic way for only one purpose: to have fun.
MACHO PHYSIQUE: (see "schwa")
MAD MAX-IAN SOCIETY: Where we fight for ourselves to get what we want.
And then we keep them only as long as we can hold our position.
MALICIOUS MISCHIEF: Another term for "oops, you fucked up". Often used
when you are trying to be discreet about something rather important.
MARTIN D. KILMER: Has a lot of work to do.
MAY CONTAIN PEANUTS: Also known as "we're covering our ass".
MIND GAME: When you are having fun with someone, but they are utterly
confused. Also manipulation and sadistic pleasure. Playing with
someone's head.
MINIMALIST: A person who favors a moderate approach to, or who holds
minimal expectations for, the achievement of specific goals or programs.
The politically correct term for lazy fuck.
MISCONCEPTIONS: When you totally misunderstand something, yet believe it
is the truth. An example would be of people thinking Devil Shat is a
satanic zine.
MOTHER THERESA: Hasn't gotten any media coverage. (see "Princess Di")
NEW SATAN, THE: Besides Bill Gates, people only had the traditional
Satan to blame all their woes on. However, most Macintosh fanatics seem
to think that the new Satan might be Steve Jobs due to his horrible
business decisions about Microsoft and Power Computing.
NICORETTE: Inspires people to quit smoking (yet merely becomes a proxy).
Also makes people want to name their first born son "Nick".
NYPD BLUE: A show which captures our hearts, and enchants our souls.
(see "cynicism" and "yeah, right")
PRINCESS DI: has gotten way too much media coverage, all of which is
very tiring and old. (see "Mother Theresa")
PULL: Getting the motivation to go out and find what you are looking
for. Making technology and so forth your own, instead of telling
companies what you want and then hoping they push the right stuff to you
(see "push").
PUSH: What we consider lazy. The idea that things will come to you
instead of you going to them (see "pull").
RAPE THEM: Not the sexual rape, but the same idea. To take forcibly what
is not yours. A much more powerful term that can be explained. An
example would be "to rape them of their body parts", literally meaning
taking body parts without permission.
SAVED: Often used in quotes, people who have been "saved" have been
known to walk around for weeks shaking under the holy spirit. Unlike
ignorance, they grow tired of shaking and continue their normal lives.
SCHWA: A marketing gimmick based upon horrible experiments on people
involving anal probes.
SOUTHERNER: Those who man every major customer service line in America.
STUPIDITY: An all-too apparent symptom of society's disease.
SUCK: Self explanatory.
SWOOSHTIKAS: The Nike symbol. After being plastered on so much apparel
and appearing in so many commercials that it is close to an icon of our
times, one only has to put a vertical line down the center of the logo
to realize that this is the Fourth Reich. As such, all symbols of Nike
are now considered "swooshtikas".
TAMAGOTCHI: The newest and cheapest pet around. Little clean up, resets
when it dies, and can be shut up by punching a few buttons. Also has
some nifty hacks which allow you to totally change the nature within
its plastic world.
TELETUBBIES: "A child-size marshmallow candy--something like a pink,
frosted 'snowball' with a mutant face stuck at one end and a strange
little coat hanger or pipe cleaner thingamajigger coming out of its
'head.'"
TIGER WOODS: The "be-like-me" celebrity of 1997.
TIPPER: A term used in place of a swear, as in "tipper you" or "you'll
only get tippered in the end". Based upon Tipper Gore who put those
stupid stickers on all of our CDs.
TRUST NO ONE: A healthy new rule which should be taught by parents. (see
"cynicism")
TV: The media's new God.
VERVE PIPE: (see "suck")
WANNABE GOTH: A practicing goth, Wannabe Goth has written one poem in
his life, and is currently working on his second.
WHAT IS LIFE?: A far more important question than "Why?".
X-FILES: Used to be a good show, but now simply falls into the realm of
paranoia and self-mimicry. The X-Files is also far more important than
parenting, as children have been subjected to numerous bee stings just
so their neighbors can attempt to pick them out on the video.
YEAH, RIGHT: A double-positive. (see "yeah, right")
YOU ARYAN PIG: To insult without fully understanding what the situation
is. For example, people calling us "you aryan pig" because we did an
article on the Patriotic White Aryan Movement.
Thank you for joining us over the months. Be ready for yet more, because
we have a helluva lot more to talk about. And hey, even if we did run
out of things, we only need to switch on the news. And if you have
something you wish us to write about, feel free to send it in. We're
taking callers now.
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.ili. Letting Go .ili.
---------------------- by Morbus
When my dad died, the only remorse I had was that his TV was not color.
I was never close to my dad and after dying of a ripe old age, I felt
none of those character builders so evident in shows like "The Waltons"
and "Party of Five". Maybe it was my upbringing, or about how he abused
me. It doesn't really matter. That is in my past, and I can deal with it
maturely when I wish.
The passing of things you care about is something that a lot of us have
trouble expressing. Some of us are caught in the denial stage,
constantly setting the table for the missing person or waiting for them
to come home. Some of us stay in the shock stage, where we know it has
happened, but we just can't come to terms. And some of us finally accept
that which has happened, although regret and remorse might still be
there when we look at a picture or relive a memory.
There may be only one thing in this world that is more important than
the passing of life, and that is the passing of word. When we lose ideas
or those who speak them, a gap can be created. We expect something to be
there yet it never shows again. For people who religiously read their
horoscopes every morning and use them to subconsciously plan their days,
the absence of such can be devastating.
Often, you feel as if something is missing in your life.
Shortly before this article was written, I received an email from a good
friend of mine, Peter Stokes. You might remember him as the author of
the "Teletubbies" story in the last issue. He is also the editor of an
ezine entitled "The Magnetic Times". The email concerned the last issue
of the MagTimes to be published on the first of October.
I guess what I felt then was what I should have felt when my father
died. I guess instead of reading the same sentence over and over again,
I should have been looking at my father's photo... trying to see
something in it that I had not seen before. I guess I should have sat in
my room and remembered all the good times with my father instead of
returning the email with a depressed typing hand.
After awhile, I determined that I was being selfish. How could they take
away something that I had read earnestly every 1st and 15th? How could
they take away something that would make me chuckle, or that would make
me respond in agreement or disagreement? How could they remove from me a
part of myself without my permission?
I remember each issue being perfect and with a completeness that is hard
to master. I remember so much about the zine that I know I will miss
only after it is gone. Even now as I right this, I pass back into
denial... hoping that it is not true. I have been through shock, I have
been through denial, I have been through acceptance. I find denial to be
the most comforting of those emotions... but soon I, too, will have to
move on.
NOTE: The Magnetic Times is to continue under a new editor and a new
URL.
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The website edition includes images, a nice design, and all of the email
we have received about this issue. Go there and um, er, have fun:
http://www.disobey.com/devilshat/
Copyright 1997-1999 Disobey. You may not steal, maim, hold for ransom,
kill, or rape any part of this issue.
http://www.disobey.com/
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