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Devil Shat 2000 06 08
.ili. Devil Shat Sixty Five .ili.
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Discuss Amongst Yourselves ......................... by Morbus
ASSHOLIC: The Greatest Column Ever Told ...... by Rown Garnbii
UK: FYI ........................................ by Unkle John
This is Devil Shat Sixty Five released on 06/08/00. Devil Shat is
published by Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of
the issues are archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
I have tons of snot in my nose.
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.ili. Discuss Amongst Yourselves .ili.
-------------------------------------- by Morbus
"HOPEFUL MONSTERS (1940). Coined by Richard Goldschmidt (1878-1958), a
German-born geneticist who emigrated to the US, this is a reference to
Goldschmidt's theory that sudden jumps in evolution are necessary to
explain speciation.
Goldschmidt believed that chromosomal mutations accumulate in
populations until some threshold is breached, propelling the species
across 'an unbridgeable gap' to a new species. While he expected that
most mutants (called 'monsters') would fail to survive, under certain
conditions mutants could be more successful than competing individuals.
Such successful mutants leading to a new species were called 'hopeful
monsters'. Modern geneticists reject this theory."
Although nothing really new, the way in which the theory is expressed
interests me. Almost every mutation could easily be described under
Goldschmidt's watchful eye - Toomes from the first season X-FILES, the
Davis baby from the IT'S ALIVE trilogy, or that freaking woman who pops
out her eyeballs on national TV.
Perhaps those mutations suggest cramped living space, primal evolution
to combat aliens (i can't believe i just said that), or increased
eyesight to become aware of a new entry into the food chain above us.
And although Goldschmidt believed that the chromosomes were merely
dormant, waiting to "awaken" (reference: AKIRA), perhaps "some
threshold" could apply to cloning or gene splicing.
That damn spider goat is *definitely* a hopeful monster. For those
uninformed, scientists spliced a goat and a spider so that the goat
could produce thread. Called "biosteel", the thread is reported to be
twelve times stronger than normal steel and super flexible. Said
scientists hope to breed the damn things and use biosteel for military
purposes.
And that scares me. Goldschmidt asserts that most mutations would fail
to survive. But with scientists making sure that these "hopeful"
monsters will continue to procreate, we can only patiently wait for the
era of Von Frankenstein. And I won't even touch the genome and DNA
advancements that have been heralding the biology and genetics scene.
The fun thing is that I'm excited about all of this. How correct the
early mapmakers were when they signed "here there be dragons"...
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.ili. ASSHOLIC: The Greatest Column Ever Told... .ili.
------------------------------------------------------ by Rown Garnbii
HolisticFP@aol.com
or: The End
(Part Ten of Ten)
The last commandment.
"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy
neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant. nor his ox,
nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's." (God, Exodus 20:17)
Kind of a big pill to swallow to accept that all of that fit on one
stone tablet. I can just visualize God running out of room and
struggling to squeeze the rest into the margin.
This commandment means that one should not be attracted to another's
possessions and attempt to get them for ourselves. I originally thought
I had broken this one. After all, who hasn't looked in envy at another
persons lover, or car, or toy? I have. I do it all the time. But I've
never been so envious that I had tried to take their stuff by force, nor
have I ever attempted to lure their girlfriend away, although sometimes
I wish I had. In fact it's all really about me wanting to get one for
myself. Therefore... I guess I win.
One more commandment for me. And that's it. That's all of them. Rown
Garnbii with a final score of Hell-4 / Salvation-6.
60 percent. A D- on any test but still a passing grade.
...It's all a bit silly though, isn't it? I like the fact that there
were some good solid laws laid out on the table, but it still strikes me
as silly. The whole Bible thing. It's full of discrepancies and double
talk. But on a less atheistic approach I just don't believe it in my
heart. There's something wrong about a universe that dependent on rules
over anything else.
Why can't everything just be? It's that simple. I think of it like a
destination with two paths leading to it. One is a long, complicated
path and one is of simple acceptance. Like science and faith,
Catholicism and Christianity. In my mind the universe and the hereafter
simply take care of themselves and that they require nothing of it's
inhabitance, because I just don't have the strength. There's good TV
that needs watchin'.
It always confused me that the ones who believe in an eternal soul are
the ones who believe in the strictness and standards of living.
Conversely, the ones who believe in nothing treat life cheaply. Neither
makes any sense. If we never truly die, than to kill a person is
meaningless. If we die and that's the end of it, then to end a life or
to make one miserable is a true sin. Whatever... No one's ever gonna get
it.
Me, I don't really know what to expect from the afterlife. I do think
that if there are strict rules to get through the door, then they would
have been announced loud enough for "everyone" to hear, which never
really happened.
And if the Bible is true than I'd probably still go to Hell. It say's
I'm suppose to obey all of them. And since each explanation starts off
with "love and fear God" which I cleverly omitted, then I guess
technically I've broken all of them. So really, what good was this
exercise? I don't know. I just wanted to fill some space.
I'm not a perfect man. I know that. In fact, I suck. But I'm not a bad
person either. I don't believe that I deserve eternity in Hell, nor
would I want eternal bliss in Heaven.
Crazy, huh? Who would pass up eternal bliss. I'm not dumb, I know that
I'd always be unconditionally happy, and I wouldn't even notice the
difference. I just need challenge. I need to keep playing the game. I
need pain. I don't know why, but I do.
The journey is the destination. I'd hate it if humanity ever did find
the answers to life. I think that we really would just blink out of
existence. Not out of punishment but because, what else could we do?
We'd just start over, I guess.
What are your thoughts?
Salvation wins, 6-4
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.ili. UK: FYI .ili.
------------------- by Unkle John (edited by Morbus)
I was watching a re-run of "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air" the other week,
and had to constantly put up with the piss-making of England and its
occupants. The truth is that the stereotype, stiff upper lipped ponce,
no longer exists, or very few survive. The popular world belief that the
English go round saying "sorry" every time they bump into people is a
hideous mistake, and (the most annoying, may I add) that we all stop at
4pm for Tea... sadly not.
You will be hard pressed to go to London and find anyone speaking with
an impeccable stereotype "english" accent, and if you are foolish enough
to ask anyone, expect a black eye.
The other popular belief is that we are all related to the Royal
family... the sad truth is that the Royal family are pretty much hated
and despised, for their petty inter-family fighting.
And the added fact that they are inbred Germans figures into it as well.
What am I trying to say? Don't stereotype people. I am using us English
(well, actually I am more Irish than English... but that's neither here
or there) as an example, if you don't believe me, you are welcome to
come over and try it. Be sure to visit a Milwall vs. Reading game of
football, and you might see what I am on about.
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