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Devil Shat 1997 12 04
.ili. Devil Shat Fifteen .ili.
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THE DEVIL'S DUMP .................................. by various
This is Devil Shat Fifteen released on 12/04/97. Devil Shat is published
by Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of the issues
are archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
I would like to wish my girlfriend a Happy Birthday. May we grow old
together.
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.ili. THE DEVIL'S DUMP .ili.
---------------------------- by various
We've got a large amount of The Devil's Dump for you this issue. They
just kept building up and up and finally we threw them all into here.
Rest assured that within four weeks, we'll be back to our regular length
articles of wit, sarcasm, and thought you have come to... hmm... that's
a cliche.
Anyway, if you were reading carefully, you might have noticed that we
said four weeks. That's because the next issue will be our Christmas
issue. And for that we are throwing away our sarcasm, our wit, and so
forth to bring you a heart warming story which will make you want to
give and love and turn over a new leaf.
No, really.
--- INVENTIVE SPAMMERS by Morbus
You've got to have some sort of respect for spammers for a number of
reasons: first off, they keep trying; secondly, they don't get bored
easily... they always send around the same get rich quick money scheme.
But you have to wonder why? What possesses people to spread this great
big money thing around besides to get more money themselves? It makes
sense, but it creates hatred. And finally, you just gotta respect
spammers cos they can be creative. I received this in my mail a while
ago:
Subject: $100,000.00 Reward kidnapped Aids Murder
I need your help. ex-Dayton Power & Light President Allen M Hill is
responsible for having my girlfriend, and my 77 year old mom and dad
injected with the AIDS virus. $100,000.00 Reward
Thanks.
Now, stuff like this is just great! You don't have to do anything except
go to a website and check it out! And you could win a crapload of money.
The best thing about this little piece of spam is that it appeals to our
hearts. There is a girlfriend, and two very old decrepit parents, and
now their life is forfeit (hey, come on... she was 77, anyway). It
brings a tear to my eye to think that there are people out in this world
who want to take a life indirectly. Of course, lucky spammer, HE wasn't
injected with the virii (he must have been at his computer), but we'll
ignore that fact right now.
And what the hell does that subject line mean? Are those keywords? Or is
there some massive spam engine where you can search for the most
interesting bits you can use to annoy other people and murder just
happens to be relatively high on the buzzword list?
--- THE PATS, "FOR REAL!?" by D-Word, heavily modified by Morbus
True "Pats" fans got off to a great start this season with a 4-0
record. Just when we think Super Bowl Champions, the first huge game
comes up and they get crushed. [Insert extensive football stats and
other stupid info]. The "Pats" are a great team, but they don't have the
staying power.
But, of course, they sure do know how to have a great time. How many
people had a little chuckle when the news came that three Patriots
injured some lady by stage diving? The injury isn't a big deal... people
get injured at shows all the time when they start doing stupid things
and thinking they are all bad-ass. The only difference in this case is
the fact that they are "athletes" and are relatively "famous".
I don't see anything coming out of this besides either, (a) it is
quietly settled with a large sum of "shut the hell up, we'll buy you a
new car" money or, (b) "hey, look! i'm gonna sue their football asses!".
Everyone thinks they can make a buck, but not everyone can. Everyone
thinks it is always a lot easier just to sue someone and get some of the
bucks they have made. And what if they lose? Write a book, or sell your
"He Raped Me in the Crowds!" story to the National Enquirer. It's all
the same.
--- WHY CARS ARE THE DEVIL by Rick Dobs
Pardon me for sounding antique, but I can't help wondering if the
"automobile" was the bright idea of a genius inventor, or the "demon
seed from hell". Consider this... while the four-wheeled wonder
propelled mankind into super-racedom, it also began to slowly poison our
air and compact and pave our soil. We certainly would not be where we
are today had it not been for this invention, but I find myself
asking... "Is this such a good thing?"
Our lives revolve around the fact that we can now get "there" quicker,
and get more of a thing to "there". I speak from slight experience...
I'm a professional truck driver. I'm the driver of that big thing that's
in your way, or in your mirrors, each and every day, trying to get more
of a thing to "there", and there, and there... We, as a civilization,
have become so stressed out about getting "there" quicker than the
driver beside, behind, or ahead of us that we forgot that it's not the
"there" that is important. The MOST important thing about getting
"there" is what we do and learn along the way... who we meet and talk
to... how our souls are stirred.
That, however, isn't nearly as important as being the first to get
"there". By the way, where is it again, that we're going?
--- THE LATEST FROM GEOCITIES by Ivan S. Graves
Has anyone seen the latest from GeoCities, what once was a wonderful
place for websurfers to visit, and webmasters to have access to? It has
turned into an absolute nightmare whose basis and direction has taken an
awful 360 right into the abyss.
While I'm all for free enterprise and advertising - hey, funding keeps
all this stuff alive - when it detracts from the web surfers original
intent to see a website, and makes it nearly impossible to even get
in... then it's a nuisance. A downright outrage! FrightNet Online
Magazine uses banner ads, yes. And if FrightNet gets chosen by it's
sponsors to be bumped up on the 'totem pole' then it may have an ad that
pops up before the website does. Fine. Dandy. No problem at all. It's
how we keep the web free. But there is a button you can click on the
screen that will allow you to get past the screen and into the website
you came for. Although distracting at first, it does not detract and
allows the web surfer to continue on to his desired destination.
Not so at GeoCities. Of course, this is not the case for every surfer.
Some browsers will do what it says it will do: automatic refresh to the
desired page within 10 seconds. I use MSIE and it DOES recognize the
META HTTP REFRESH tag that makes this feat possible... but my browser
won't go. Instead I'm stuck in this awful advertising page that loads
and reloads, and reloads, and... well, you get the idea.
If you feel like it, you can sit for an hour trying to guess what one of
the interior html files may be called and get in that way... but this
could take days, weeks, months. Time the average surfer does not have.
And everyone knows web surfing is driven by speed. If it takes a page
more than a couple minutes to load he's likely to traipse right on out
of there. In other words, you can nuke a sandwich in less than 30
seconds in the micro, why sit waiting for a website to load for longer
than it would take to nuke it... and then consume it?
Part of the attraction of the GeoCities area has been for it's wide
assortment of popular websites devoted to speculative fiction, artwork
and the like. It's a goldmine of horrific artifacts any fan of the genre
has surely frequented. Some of our favorite sites are in GeoCities.
I think they SHOULD advertise... they are providing a worthwhile service
to those who want it and need it. I would have no problem whatsoever if
I saw a banner ad on those pages somewhere- and, if I was using
GeoCities to host my site, I'd have no problem having a banner ad on my
site either at the top or the bottom of the page. Hey, otherwise I can
go spend over $1000 a year to get the same thing.
--- DO YOU KNOW WHO YOUR CHILDREN ARE? by Rick Dobs
Did you ever see the commercial on TV done by the actor who plays
Frazier Crane's brother? In this commercial, he points out that by
taking time to have ALL the family sit down at the table to eat, ALL at
the same time, you are taking the first step to becoming a "family"
again.
I think he has a very important point! I also think that you and I see
our kids in passing. Our spouse is either on their way to work, or just
getting home - being "dog tired". The phone is ringing every other
minute, and your favorite TV show is about to start. When, in all that
ruckus, do we have time to sit and talk to each other??
At 10 pm, the TV station used to ask if you know where your children
are. It never asked if you know WHO your children are! Or your spouse
for that matter. I know. My wife complains daily that I never listen to
her, I just talk about me (a slight exaggeration, I am sure...). Do you
know WHO your children are? What they like, dislike? What they want to
do with their lives as they grow up? Is there anything more important
than our children, the next "rulers" of this planet??
Whatever you think you need to do, take time to sit together for a meal,
and talk to each other! (but more than once... of course...)! I think
the world will be a better place because you did
--- GROWING UP AND GROWING OLDER by Morbus
One of the biggest pet peeves that I have is the difference between
growing up and growing older. For example, kids are always saying "when
I grow up, I'm gonna be a rocket scientist". I never understood why
people don't start their "dreams" when they have them. Why doesn't the
kid start learning about rockets now? Why doesn't he find all that he
can about rocketry... even if he doesn't understand it, at least he'll
be one step closer to his "dream". Sure, we all know kids are fickle and
probably tomorrow he'll want to be a "dinosaur man", but you should be
what you want now. I got sick of people saying, "you can do anything you
want" and then adding the whispered "as soon as you get out of school".
Do what you want to be NOW...
It is doubly sad when you see people who are 17 saying that when they
grow up they are going to be a psychologist. You are 17. You are grown
up. You should already be on your way to being what you want. If you
still keep changing your mind day after day, and being suicidally
fickle, then you should start saying "when I grow older".
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Copyright 1997-1999 Disobey. You may not steal, maim, hold for ransom,
kill, or rape any part of this issue.
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