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Devil Shat 2000 03 09
.ili. Devil Shat Sixty Two .ili.
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The Slack Jawed Yokel Jumps ........................ by Morbus
Drifting Alone in the Fog ............. by Innocent Email User
ASSHOLIC: The Greatest Column Ever Told ...... by Rown Garnbii
This is Devil Shat Sixty Two released on 03/09/00. Devil Shat is
published by Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of
the issues are archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
I think I have an ulcer.
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.ili. The Slack Jawed Yokel Jumps .ili.
--------------------------------------- by Morbus
I was going to write a wonderful little ditty about how I saw Jesus on a
pile of trash (true story!), but then I realized I have tons of things
to do. And they were all supposed to be done yesterday. Much less the
fact that my hands are very sweaty and I have to fill out some stupid
form so that I can get an EIN.
Sigh.
So, I figure now will be a perfect issue for reader submissions. I've
got tons of them, but 'Drifting Alone in the Fog' has been waiting for
quite a while. It actually wasn't a submission per se, but a snippet
from an email conversation long ago. Rambling and thought typing prove
entertaining to me... entertaining enough to show the rest of the world.
And then, of course, we have part seven of ten from Rown Garnbii. He's
barely squeaking by with a win on his trip to Heaven, but with three
more to go, it's anybody's call.
Let me know what you think.
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.ili. Drifting Alone in the Fog .ili.
------------------------------------- by Innocent Email User
Did you ever think about abortion before? Probably you didn't think
about it that much because you're a boy and it's not something you'd
ever have to go through in any situation. But I'm a girl so naturally
it's something I've had to think about before. And my opinion on it has
always been this: I can understand why some women feel they need to have
abortions. I don't judge them. If that's what they think is right for
them, then I think they should be able to make that choice for
themselves. For me Personally, though, I don't think it's something I
would ever do. I can't even step on bugs. How could I go through with
something that would eliminate whatever little life I had a hand in
creating that was inside my own body?? How could I ever live with myself
after that?
I had this dream that I had sex and got pregnant and had an abortion.
That's not really the part that scares me. What scares me is that Now I
think if I ever did get pregnant I really might have an abortion. Might?
It's pretty likely. Unless I was married or something. But I mean with
my life where it is now, I think it's more than possible that I would
have an abortion.
Not that it's even something I need to worry about. I'm not having sex,
and even if I were the depo-porvera is 99.7% effective. What is that?
Three women in every ten thousand get pregnant or something? or one
thousand. My math is bad. The point is it's Very unlikely that I'd even
get pregnant, so why am I worrying? Just because it makes me feel bad
about myself.
Here's my thinking: I'm a selfish bitch. The difference between stepping
on an ant and aborting a fetus is pretty big. If you go in for the
theory that Human life is more valuable than any other kind of life.
Which I always say I don't, but in the back of my head I really do. I
can't help it. That idea has been programmed into all of us. Anyway,
there's another difference. The level of personal involvement. Stepping
on an ant - I can't do it. Because I have to actually raise my foot and
bring it down and erase a life. An abortion? All I have to do is lie
there and let some doctor do his work. Then I can just go away and
forget about it. Maybe. I've heard that having an abortion is something
you never get over. It's a traumatic event. I don't know how I'd feel.
So there. I'm selfish. A selfish bitch, mind you. Nevermind what I say
about other women. They do what they think they have to do. I'm ME. I
should be better than everyone else. Do you know what I mean? I hold
myself to a higher standard than other people. What's okay for others is
Not okay for me. I should be a good enough person that if I got
pregnant, I have the baby and either give it to someone who will love it
or just love it myself. But because I can't bare the idea of giving it
away (I'd rather see it dead?) or actually raising it myself (and let it
get in the way of my life?!), I'd just dispose of it. That's what I
think I would do now.
I wish I could be more casual about it. It's just a fetus. It's just a
fetus that could turn into a person who would love me and who I would
love more than Anything else in the entire world. And because it's not
convenient, I would chose to abort. What's wrong with me? I feel evil. I
would never judge another woman as harshly as I'm judging myself. I'm
not even pregnant. It's not even a decision I have to make. But I made
it anyway, against my own free will, while I was asleep. I hate my
unconscious mind.
I just realized that I don't think I know how you feel about abortion.
Oh well. You've never judged me in the past, so I'm not assuming you'll
do so now. I just felt like "talking" and you're safe.
I feel very sad about this. I think I might go cry. If it were possible
(which I know it's not, but Think about it), would you ever have an
abortion?
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.ili. ASSHOLIC: The Greatest Column Ever Told... .ili.
------------------------------------------------------ by Rown Garnbii
HolisticFP@aol.com
(Part Seven of Ten)
"Thou shalt not commit adultery." (God, Exodus 20:14)
Hmmm... Considering I've never been in a meaningful relationship
resulting from my abrasive and schizophrenically defensive personality
it's safe to say that I've never committed adultery. Ah, thank god for
hookers...
There are two kinds of people. Guys who can't get girls and girls who
can't get guys. Yeah, yeah, I know. There are a few other types but fuck
'em for right now. I'm talking about the needy, retarded, short on the
top, long in the back, peach fuzz "it'll come in real wicked someday"
mustached assholics who pollute the sets of the Jerry Springer show and
the whores of all different shapes and sizes who love them.
Eventually these guys who can't get girls meet up with a girl who can't
get guys, and thanks to the magic equalizer of alcohol, they meet, fuck,
breed and fall into a perverted sense of love in that order.
Fine by me. As long as they're happy and they have the decency to
destroy their fetid offspring in ritual infanticide then, hey, whatever
floats your boat. Live long and prosper. But what eats me up about it is
either the guy, the girl or both (it's an even mix) decide to cheat on
the other.
Wha?!
Who do you think you are? You think women (and/or men) are beating down
your trailer door? You just had to mess up a decent thing. It's a weird
mentality that does it. Where does this mentality come from? It's almost
always from a person's upbringing and a person's family is not their
fault. How they are brought up is not their fault. Many people have
parents who abuse and cheat, therefore psychologically they would be
inclined to do it as well. It's a sad truth.
So, can God really persecute someone for something that is greatly the
responsibility of the family? Sure, of course he can.
I don't know the logistics of it. I don't know how the church explains
why some are raised in luxury and others, squalor. Some in a nurturing
family and others in an abusive one. But there's that damn free will
thing. You can get help no mater what economic situation you're in. And
that free will is what makes it a bad thing.
If you haven't noticed yet, I'm a big believer of "I don't give a shit."
Though I do tend to complain a bit here and there, I honestly don't care
what people do to themselves. What people do to others is what bugs me.
Adultery, dishonesty... these things hurt. Cut that shit out.
Hell - 3 / Salvation - 4
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