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Devil Shat 1998 09 10
.ili. Devil Shat Thirty Five .ili.
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Arghh, I'm Mad ..................................... by Morbus
How to Write for the New ...........................
(but getting very old) Age Movement ........ by PushPop
This is Devil Shat Thirty Five released on 09/10/98. Devil Shat is
published by Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of
the issues are archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
I practically did nothing this week. It felt good.
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.ili. Arghh, I'm Mad .ili.
-------------------------- by Morbus
Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Swear. Swear. Swear. I need to join a
cult. I need to find a place where I can feel like I can fit in, or at
least feel like I have some special ability that the rest of you damn
people don't. I want to feel like I can conquer the world, and that I'm
part of some special elite force that is a helluva lot better than the
piece of crap I'm coming from.
See, I'm in a bad mood... I could care less what happens now. More
cynical-than-usual. Like Colonel Taylor from the Planet of the Apes. Did
you know that it's the thirtieth anniversary of the dang'd movie? I
watched it a couple of times, and you know what? As much as people might
hate it because it's a bunch of monkies, or because it's some stupid
movie, the messages are well-put. I know I'm rambling, but if you hate
the damn'd thing, just close your eyes and listen to it.
To jump back on track, cults just make you feel like you belong. Take
Colonel Taylor. Sure, he was being abused the whole time he was
considered a primitive by the apes, but he was THE representative of the
human race. The same human race he hated. And now he was their savior.
What irony.
I don't even know what the hell I'm trying to say. The above paragraph
didn't even make sense. I'm so blinded by an irrational rage brought by
a phone call that I plan to just "train of thought" this stupid piece of
writing. Hell, I don't even know if people read this drivel anymore, but
it feels good to me, I like doing it, and hell... that's all I care
about.
I guess I'm a one man cult. A one man hero of my own twisted view of
humanity. As if I'm saving anyone... I'm still trying to figure out how
to save myself.
Cults make you feel special and individual. Like you know some inner
secret that empowers you to keep going through life even though the rest
of the world is one big pile of shit.
We haven't had a media-cult for a while because this is the age of the
Ego. Everyone wants to control everything themselves, because they think
only themselves are important. That doesn't make good cult material
because then you have petty bickering from within, and THAT never works.
I still don't know what I'm talking about, and you probably have no clue
either. I want to go somewhere that I can feel like I belong, somewhere
I can spit out my aggressions to the world I've created, and let myself
read or hear or discuss them when the rage is gone and my head is clear.
So I write and type. I'm feeling a little bit better because of the
words pouring from me. I still have more to go, so still I type. I type
to the world I have created: that of Devil Shat. Often times I feel like
it's my own personal diary, where I can sit back and take a look at the
past years, and figure out what I was thinking when I was thinking it.
Sadly, I think that if I looked back at this article, I would shake my
head disappointingly and wonder why I ever considered it "good enough"
to be a piece released to the masses.
Two different train of thoughts coming to a crossroads: Do I publish
Devil Shat for myself, or for the masses? Do I write it for my own piece
of mind, or to illustrate points for you?
That's the funny thing about a cult. You can change the rules anytime
you want, because the rules aren't complete. You don't have a Bible, but
instead, a Constitution, to which you can add, modify and delete things
that don't work. A cult is a work-in-progress which changes with the
time. And unless you're beliefs tell you to, you can care or not.
Cults are wonderful solutions to many a problem because they are
solutions you can live with... which is the main reason non-cult members
don't understand. Why did Bo Peep buy Nike shoes or make the poisonous
paste? Why did Koresh name himself Jesus, and fornicate with the women,
and purportedly, children? To us, they are confusing sins, something we
can't measure next to the "Normalcy Counter", so therefore they must be
dangerous or harmful(tm). But to the insiders, they make perfect sense.
This article began to make sense for me a couple of paragraphs ago. It
began to find its focus and I began to figure out what I was trying to
say. Like a cult, it was a work-in-progress, something that was refined
as my thoughts were refined. You may get it or you may not.
My cult says I don't care if you do or don't.
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.ili. How to Write for the New
(but getting very old) Age Movement .ili.
------------------------------------------------------ by PushPop
There exists a unique opportunity in this day and age for the potential
cult leader, scam artist, or spiritual visionary to have a hand in
swaying the hearts and minds of a great number of otherwise rational
people. True, it's not the hot new thing it was a few decades ago: you
may not be the first on your block to write a manual for communing with
Crystals, Faeries, Dragons, and Angels, but you'll at least be
guaranteed a long and healthy career at it: this trend doesn't show any
signs of dying down.
The fact of the matter is that people want to BELIEVE. Cynicism and
petroleum products have stripped the wonder from their lives, and dammit
if they won't pay through the nose to get it back. I'm sure that
psychologists have put this trend through a more rigorous analysis. If
you have any designs to cash in on it, though, this is what to do.
1. Pick a supernatural entity.
The idea here is to find something that has more power than humans do,
and yet which, instead of using that power to kick back and enjoy
celestial privilege, is willing to do what it can to help humans realize
their full potential. The universe cares. If you can't stomach the idea
of a peaceful, luminous guardian angel, you can make it a shady spirit
which the cunning human might bind to her will. Or you can call it
Nature, Force, etc., and make it a matter of the humans learning to get
in tune with this power by living better. If conscience did not keep me
out of this lucrative market, I'd probably stick with the last one: it's
even harder to prove than all the rest.
2. Make it just a little bit dangerous.
Our goal is to restore wonder to a dreary life, right? Telling people to
eat lots of vitamins, or to do unto others as they would have done unto
them may be dandy advice, but it's just not that exciting. Wonder
requires risk. Tell them that by opening their minds to [insert your
entity here], they leave themselves open to attracting evil supernatural
attention as well as kindly attention, and that only by keeping the body
in perfect nutritive balance will the practitioner be strong enough to
stand up against his adversaries. Only by keeping a surplus of good
karma will good energies continue to flow his way. All manipulations
aside, it's probably a good thing(tm) to live in a little more fear and
awe of the universe than most of us do. The purpose here is to make the
endeavour just scary enough to be challenging, enlivening, and to leave
the reader at the end of the day feeling strong, capable, and at peace
because of the risks she has safely overcome with the help of her
spiritual ally. Let's face it: we don't have to run away from tigers and
mastodons any more (and wouldn't really want to if we could). Horror
movies and good old fashioned religious terror will have to fill the
void.
3. Let common sense have the day.
If you do your job well, your readers won't know (until years after
having finished the book) that everything they learned from your studies
they already knew. If any catch phrase summarizes the entire message of
the New Age movement, it is the Power of Positive Thinking. Try to be
original about it, but don't try too hard: no matter how you get around
to telling people to think positively, visualize what they want, and
trust themselves to get it (oh, it wouldn't hurt to include some
relaxing breathing techniques or other rituals too), it will work, you
will get converts, and if you have a nice cover design, your books will
sell.
Now that you're on your way to making the New Age section of your
bookstore that little bit plumper, I encourage you to think big, and
think creative. Have a chance to influence a mind eager for molding?
Have some fun with it. Tell them that grocery store products get tainted
with negative energies, and that they can only be purified if bought
blindfolded. Or after waving two crooked fingers over the product. Or
something. Found new holidays. Make people whisper mantras at business
meetings. Bring back the colour pink. If entertainment is the best thing
coming out of this movement, let's not skimp at it. To your typewriters!
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