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Devil Shat 1999 07 01
.ili. Devil Shat Fifty Three .ili.
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Genocide Isn't THAT Bad ............................ by Morbus
You Got Blood On My VCR!!!! ................... by John Treacy
This is Devil Shat Fifty Three released on 07/01/99. Devil Shat is
published by Disobey and is protected under all copyright laws. All of
the issues are archived at the Disobey website: http://www.disobey.com/
Submissions, email, and news should be sent to morbus@disobey.com. Your
comments are welcome. What do you want us to write about? Send an email
and let us know.
Poster boy of Littleton.
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.ili. Genocide Isn't THAT Bad .ili.
----------------------------------- by Morbus
So I'm watching TV, bored out of my mind, eating a burnt onion bagel
with a prodigious amount of peanut butter on it, trying to get used to
our new cable line up.
Apparently MediaOne, after having bought out our local cable company,
decided that being in town a couple of years was reason enough to change
our whole cable lineup to make better surfing. Not only do they have all
the news channels grouped together, but due to yet another government
regulation, I can watch poor impersonations of Muppets speak Spanish to
a slovenly dressed Puerto Rican.
All this is fine and dandy until I get to the news portion of our
lineup, which is nicely sandwiched between some cooking channels and
other pieces of crap that no one in their right mind would watch (they
figure if we've got to flip through their channels to get to our news,
then their Nielson ratings are bound to go up). Anyways, (and I really
have to stop this rambling), I get to the news channels and what do I
see? Everyone's favorite topic: Littleton, mass murders, influence on
children, and that non-Muppet enhanced serial train killer.
Blah, blah, blah, here we go again: "Media is too violent. Gun control
is lacking. Spanish Muppeteering will not be allowed in the next
Olympics. Serial killer used 30 aliases, and four Social Security
numbers. KILLING MRS. TINGLE renamed to TEACHING MRS. TINGLE. Buffy
director says to pirate the unshown episode."
Shut... the... fuck... UP!
Ooooh, the Littleton kids had a website! Wow, that's a new one! My next
door neighbor has a website with pictures of his dog, and if you look
real close, you can see a picture of Bill Clinton with a boner. The
child killers (can't wait until "baby killers" becomes the term of the
day... anyone see IT'S ALIVE?) had an AOL website with hatespeak about
their school. Wow, that's another good one! Preps have even said they
hated school, if not because they couldn't go to Le Expensico
Restaurante to eat with their Glee Club, but because the amount of
homework they were given forced them to skip their healthy dose of
"Eating with God" on the Religious Channel (also sandwiched next to the
news).
Let's pass more gun laws! Let's delay our movie so that we don't have
the bad impression of Littleton (yeah, that's really solving the issue).
Let's turn a movie about killing a teacher, into a dark comedy which
touches base with the fictional daydreams of our school loser. Let's not
air the Buffy episode because maybe some kids will dress up like a 60
foot snake and go around killing their peers!
I figure the best thing the human race can do now is to start over. Kill
everyone! "Genocide across America" will be the newest battle cry,
although not the most original; we've been seeing the Church of
Euthanasia bumper stickers ("Save the Planet. Kill Yourself") on VW's
for the past decade or so.
Apparently though, the car owners didn't find it within their heart to
apply their own doctrine. "Hey, I was just doing it cos I thought it was
funny!" Uh huh, that's how Spanish Muppetteering got off the ground as
well.
I change the channels quickly now, hoping for some respite. The serial
train killer (you know, we really need a mass murderer to go around
snuffing bus passengers, cos than computer users would have a great joke
about "serial bus killers") is now "implicated in another ten murders".
Ho hum.
Then we have Steven King saying he'll take some of his Bachman books off
the shelves in an attempt to reexamine his role in child rearing. Then
he got hit with a car. Let's blame that on someone from Littleton, and
we'll have a nice little full circle (come on, perhaps the distracting
dog was a puppy of a pregnant mother from the Littleton Pet Store).
Christine would be proud.
Some people will think I'm rambling, but so are the news channels.
Rambling about the wrong solutions, the wrong indications, the wrong
people. Rambling about how Microsoft has been leaking information to the
press, and how THE PHANTOM MENACE has been played illegally over a
million times in homes across America. Rambling about how pornography on
the web is at every turn.
Wait. What? Pornography was last years' news... Ooooohhh. Silly me.
Stanley Kubrick's EYES WIDE SHUT is coming out in a month, so the porn
sites are going crazy with the idea of a porno coming to theatres,
directed by someone whose name alone will draw in clueless crowds.
Apparently, they reason, that will draw the amount of people to their
sites, since everyone will be clambering for still images of Nicole
Kidman naked. Well, at least, all those kids who got booted out of line.
Such a silly little world we live in. Perhaps genocide isn't THAT bad of
an idea. You won't find me practicing what I suggest, though. I've got
to watch the news. Got to keep an eye out for what the Enemies of
Entertainment call naughty or nice. Got to keep an ear available to hear
the latest plea from the Muppet that went crazy.
And, of course, a working keyboard to detail it all for you. Good night.
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.ili. You Got Blood On My VCR!!!! .ili.
--------------------------------------- by John Treacy
On the front page of Monday's local newspaper there was a big ass
picture of a guy in a World War II Nazi Soldier Uniform blasting away at
an unseen enemy. The look on this man's face is something I'll never
forget. It was pure admonishment. His rage is something I've seen few
times in my life. And each time, along with this one, it is burned in my
memory. This chilling expression of hatred is something I will never
forget. The picture was part of full blown coverage given to a
neighboring town's feverish reenactment of a WWII battle. And the
haunting face was that of a sixteen year old boy. I had a new reason to
be ashamed of American heritage: it's called the curse of the past. This
boy was living in that curse and loving it. Why else would anybody want
to dress in full combat gear in 90 degree weather and come as close to
shooting a large mass of people as legally possible. This boy, this
child... is a lunatic. Was he born crazy? Doubtful, any blame in this
case would lie directly on his parents. From Day One, he must have been
almost beaten with the greatness of America. How great and powerful this
nation is. What is means to be a real American. How to properly salute
the flag. How to pray to our mighty Christ. How to mistrust all those
unlike you. Jews are liars. Niggers are thieves. The Spics stole our
jobs. How to run, how to fight, how to shoot. How to kill.
Two pages away in Hollywood... Any creativity left in the city is
completely under siege. While we've all heard about the "Buffy" and
"Tingle" incidents the span of a violence in entertainment crackdown is
everywhere. Jeff Bridges' latest movie "Arlington Road" has been pushed
back to a July 9th opening date. Disney will only proceed with the
latest Martin Scoresse film if the violence is toned down. A film called
"Sugar, Spice and Semiautomatics" has been retitled "Sugar and Spice".
Kevin Smith's "Dogma" is being trimmed of its violent content. The
director was quoted as saying "There's definitely the question of
Littleton to consider." This is widespread fascism. A complete and total
rechecking and processing of all entertainment before consumption. The
pressure is coming from middle America and Capitol Hill. And while
Hollywood is holed up in money, it's impossible to make a film without a
major studio. And with every major studio putting a non-violent context
pressure on every one of its projects, we have censorship in our "free"
country.
Yes America, the glorious free nation which our sixteen year old
psychopath has been forced to love, is ignoring him and those like him
and slowly taking away our already limited freedom of choice. As I look
at my steadily growing collection of ultra-violent horror movies, I am
filled with a sense of purpose. No longer am I simply just collecting
these films, I'm stockpiling. Harmless really, when you reflect on our
trigger happy friend and his choice of weaponry. A piece of artillery
known as "Hitler's Saw". A non-replica fully automatic 1940's machine
gun. For a person to own one of those for personal use, one would have
to think that such person must have a huge amount of firepower. No
historical society in the world would grant the use of one of their
pieces in an all out reenactment. Nope, one of this patriot's friends or
perhaps even himself was the owner of this gun. How many would he own
before acquiring such a piece? 10? 20? 30? How many would his father
have? More? Guns alone may not be anymore responsible than movies for
our murder rate (the world's highest) but our mentality is surely the
cause for it. The mentality that houses the need to own one in the first
place.
Meanwhile, Republican Congressman Henry Hyde attempted to pass a bill to
make it illegal to show "toxically poisoning" entertainment to children.
Thankfully, he failed. He probably would be proud of our little John
Wayne in the woods. Congressman Hyde obviously doesn't realize that his
life, his office, his method of thinking is the true poison. The true
toxin. So long as our system still stands every child will be born both
poisoned and toxic.
Happy "independence" Day.
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