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Another Night and Day Alliance 125
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. . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . "Frustrated"
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . by AphexTwin23
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Oh god forbid... I have sinned... Oh no I'm writing this in such a
stereotypical form that it makes me want to be sick. And I am such a
hypocrite because I know I hate to be placed as a part of a group. Pity me
because I almost feel remorse... and this is such a whiny, cluttered,
written about nothing, typical rant of a teenager. Ha... here you have
it...
I wonder if it's ever become clear to anyone besides me that we are
living in a world where we try so hard to impress one another. That's the
basis of our entire being... to hide who we really are. We rely so much on
what others think of us and try to shape ourselves to be what we are seen
as. We become so accustomed to this that we sometimes forget who we really
are and then try our whole lives to find ourselves but we are too far from
being found. We have a dying need to belong and it's eating us whole. We
will do anything in our power to be loved. We will wear clothes, listen to
music, speak, and think in a way that is much like of those who are around
us. Just so that we can be accepted.
I have gained a new concept on life. Do not trust anyone. Also...
never assume anything. I think maybe that's my problem. I allow myself to
trust people too soon. Too easily do I fall under their lies. I sure would
have been Gacy's perfect victim. Gosh I am so easily manipulated... grr.
But yet I am also good at manipulating others. I guess it works both ways.
But maybe not. No, I'm a good person. Anyways. I meet people in my life
all the time. And I begin to open up to them, slowly unravel myself. But
as soon as I trust them, even a little bit, I melt into their hands. I
become their victim. And they walk all over me because they can. Because
they know every little thing about me and I soon realize I don't know much
about them. And when I do it's much too late because they're not who I
thought they were.
And assumptions assumptions. Isn't this a topic? I assume someone
is one way when they are the opposite. I assume someone likes me when they
would rather I be dead. And this brings on paranoia. Oh fuck... i am so
paranoid. And then I am hated. Because I am so insecure and dying to be
loved by the right people. I ask millions of questions to make sure someone
is still interested in me as a friend or whatever we have together. And
they get annoyed.
Oh gossip gossip gossip. This is what gets us in trouble. We love
to dish out everything we dislike about people... and gossip gets all mixed
up to the point where someone may say "I love her I want her" and then it
gets back to the person as "I hope she dies". I love the way communication
works. Haha. And we end up hating each other based on what we hear from
others. We don't even take the time to see if it's true. And what if it
is? It's just our thoughts expressed through words... what's so wrong with
that?
What is so wrong with honesty? Hmm? This is what I think of you...
you are the best person I've ever met. But yeah you can be a dick... but
who isn't? Why can't we do this? I'm afraid we have no answers. And once
again I go unheard in a sea of madness.
Blah blah. I've relieved myself of the anger. I no longer hold it
inside. I'm done.
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. anada 125 by AphexTwin23 (c)2000 anada e'zine .
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