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Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 102
Mystery Science Theater Adventures Number 102 Reel 1.........
"Wheel In The Sky"
In the not too distant future, December of '95
Dr. Forrester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive
His experiments complete at last
Severed ties with the Satellite real fast
It drifted off to an unknown place
The Satellite of Love was lost in space.....
Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years
The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier
Now keep in mind the S.O.L. was about to meet its end
So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike, along with their robot friends....
ROBOT ROLL CALL
Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Crooow!
Now in a refitted S.O.L., they tour the Milky Way
And think to yourself, "It's just a file", and let the story go where it may
On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!
(shot of the hall...the 7 doors close...Joel, Mike, and the bots are playing
poker. The monitor (used as a TV) is also on)
JOEL (to Servo): OK I'll see your 50 and raise 100
CROW: And I'll raise you another 50
MIKE: Betting is just too easy when you don't use money!
(shot of the small burnt-out circuits being used for chips)
MIKE: ...but I think Gypsy and I will drop anyway...too much against us
TOM: And I bet all I have....read `em and weep!
(Tom shows a royal flush)
CROW: AH! Tom wins....AGAIN!!
TOM: It's easy when your face can't make expressions...I have the best poker
face in the entire domain!
TV ANNOUNCER: And now it's time for the hottest game show on Tantalus III...
TV CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!!
CROW: Hey, my favorite show's on!
JOEL: Isn't that that show where players have to throw up if they answer a
question wrong?
TOM: Yes!!! Vomit! Bile! Little stringy things!! Not much worse than TV back
in the 1990s!
(15 minutes into the show...everyone is watching)
TV HOST: And who won the Phlegm Wars of '66?
TV PLAYER: The Blaargisians?
TV HOST: NOOOO!! The correct answer was the Spitwadics! Now let's spin the
wheel to see how you will LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!
(Wheel spins and lands on area marked "Madonna's Armpit")
TV PLAYER: No! Please no!
(Picture of Madonna's armpit comes to a screen and player vomits)
CROW: Oh man! I feel really sorry for him!
TOM: Nobody should have to take THAT kind of torture!!
TV HOST (to player 2): You win!!! You win the grand prize of 500,000 plutons!
And you get to come back tomorrow when another challenger tries to
make you....
TV CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!!!
TV ANNOUNCER: If you would like to be a contestant on LOSE YOUR LUNCH, just
call communication code 77226394756 and ask for Gert.
(Mike gets on the vis-a-phone)
JOEL: Mike, what are you doing?
MIKE: I'm going to be a contestant! Did you see what the winner gets??
Imagine what we could do with 500,000 plutons!
JOEL: You don't even know what a pluton is!
MIKE: Come on, Joel! It's gotta be what they use for money around there!
Besides, what have I got to lose....except my lunch, that is.
(phone is answered on the other end)
MIKE: Can I speak with Gert please?.....Yes.....Hello, Gert?.....I'd like to
be a contestant......Lose Your Lunch.....Your Lunch......LUNCH!....Yes
.....Mike Nelson.....well I have no address I'm in a spaceship.....the
Satellite Of Love.....18673684772.....Yes?.....Thank you.
(Mike hangs up)
Scene II: The Television Network
GERT: We have another contestant, boss!
BOSS: Good. When will he be arriving?
GERT: 3 days. His name suggests he's a human!!
BOSS: A human?? Well! It seems that Dandee may have his favorite food after
all.
(A stagehand drags Player One (the loser) into the office)
STAGEHAND: What should I do with him, boss?
BOSS: Throw him to Dandee....I won't have Dandee losing HIS lunch! HA HA HA!
(The stagehand throws him behind a door and locks it. Numerous chomping sounds
are heard behind the door followed by a loud...)
DANDEE: (B U R P)
GERT: Gruesome!
BOSS: Well you know it IS the law here....anyone who loses on a game show has
to die!! Ups the stakes a bit, don't it? HA HA HA HA HA!!
Scene III : Satellite Of Love
(Mike is studying up on the history of Tantalus III)
MIKE: And it says here that a mercenary group called the Burks tried to
overthrow Queen Damox in the Spam takeover of 2215.
TOM: Man, these books read like one of Crow's science-fiction screenplays!
CROW: I heard that!
JOEL: I still don't know how you expect to learn all of this in 3 days!
MIKE: Well, I'll learn all I can and hope to get lucky! Besides, the questions
are very general in content.
JOEL: Maybe it would be better if you studied somewhere quiet and relaxing.
Say, the bubble room?
TOM: Yeah, there you can study in peace and quiet while we cause a ruckus over
here!
MIKE: Well, OK
(Mike enters the hall and sits down between doors 4 and 3...the bubble room...
soap bubbles fill the room while Mike relaxes with his books)
(Joel and the bots notice Cambot keeps staring toward their destination)
JOEL: He just keeps staring at that place...I wonder why.
Scene IV: 3 days later
(Crow is quizzing Mike)
CROW: And who was the captain of the Haratical Fleet in '36?
MIKE: Blowdigger....Captain Jondo Blowdigger.
CROW (flipping pages in one of the books): And the current President of the
Splaranatical nation? Hmmmmm?
MIKE: That's easy, Marafa Gallopodophillo
CROW: I think he's ready!
MIKE: Ready as I'll ever be! It's just too bad that they don't allow any
outsiders in the audience! I was hoping you could be there to watch me
win 500,000 plutons!
JOEL: That's OK....we'll be watching you here.
MIKE: Well, time to go.....Porting 1
(Gypsy fires up the new transporter and Mike ports to the TV studio on
Tantalus III)
GYPSY (staring towards planet): Good Luck!
Scene V: The TV Studio
(Mike appears in the office of the boss)
BOSS: Welcome, Mr. Nelson! We are glad you could make it to the show! We just
have a few things to tell you before you start.
Number 1: The images we present if you miss a question may be too much
for most to bear. If you feel like you want to vomit, just do so!
Number 2: If you vomit, you can clean it up during the commercial
breaks! Remember, the name of the game is LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!
Got it?
MIKE: Yes sir!
(Mike goes onto the stage and sits behind Podium 2)
STAGEHAND: And on 5...4...3...2...1...go
TV ANNOUNCER: And now it's time for the hottest game show on Tantalus III....
TV CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!!!
TV ANNOUNCER: And here is your host, Bendar Tarkelleso!!
(Crowd cheers)
HOST: Hello and welcome to "Lose Your Lunch", the game of our planet's history
where the losers lose not only the game, but also their lunch! Kav, who
is our first contestant??
ANNOUNCER: He's a human from a starship known as the Satellite Of Love, Mr.
Mike Nelson!!!
HOST: And our champion?
ANNOUNCER: He's a Tantalan...
(Mike is nervous)
ANNOUNCER: ...who won numerous awards for his knowledge of history...
(Mike is worried)
ANNOUNCER: ...Mr. Hentad Jopewkias
(Crowd cheers!!)
HOST: OK, here are the rules. I will give you questions. If you get it right,
you get 10 points. If you get it wrong or do not answer, you are shown a
very disgusting picture. If you can stand it, you get 5 points. If not,
you will....
CROWD: LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!!!
HOST: OK....first question to Mike. IN what year were the Splarkeds of Hinter
built?
MIKE: 2166
HOST: That's correct for 10 points!! OK, Hentad. How did the Malarkans drive
out the Dizeqezoids in 2235?
HENTAD: They doused them with chocolate.
HOST: Correct for 10 points!! Mike, Why were the Palendids sad last year?
MIKE: Because they had no food.
HOST: WRONG!! The correct answer was "because their cable was out"! Now let's
spin the wheel to see how you can LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!
(Wheel spins and lands on "Spoiled Cottage Cheese")
TOM (watching from the Satellite): It's too vile! I can't look!
(While Mike vomits at the sight of the slide, back aboard the Satellite,
Cambot is shaking almost violently)
JOEL: What is it, Cambot?
(Cambot projects a book of Tantalan law turned to one of the pages)
JOEL: It says here that losing a Tantalan game show is punishable by death!!
(The TV shows the score as Mike-50 and Hentad-700)
GYPSY: THEY'RE GOING TO KILL MIKE!!!
(Joel gets on the vis-a-phone to the TV studio)
JOEL: Yes, can I speak to Mike Nelson while there is a commercial?.....Thanks.
(back at the studio)
STAGEHAND: Mr. Nelson, communication coming in for you.
MIKE: Thanks.
(Mike takes the phone)
MIKE: Hello.....Oh Hi Joel.............What??....Yeah right!.....You mean...
...oh shit!....um...um....(gulp)....OK. (to Stagehand) Sorry, gotta go,
been nice knowing you...
STAGEHAND: You must finish the game!
MIKE: But you see I have....
STAGEHAND: You MUST finish or forfeit, which would mean you lose!
(Mike gulps)
MIKE: OK....I'll finish.
STAGEHAND: On 5...4...3...2...1...go
HOST: Welcome back to the game. Hentad is ahead with an astounding 700 points
while Mike has 50. Now all questions are double. This next question goes
to Mike. Who holds the world record for the longest Kentasgop jump?
MIKE: Uh....Genyd Daswejug?
HOST: WRONG!! the correct answer is Federyt Lazegedt! Now let's spin the wheel
to see how you will LOSE YOUR LUNCH!!
(Wheel spins and stops on "Naked Roseanne Arnold". Mike vomits)
(Many questions later..)
HOST: And at the end of Round 2 the score is Hentad-2200, Mike-55. Mike, it
took a lot of willpower to keep from vomiting at the sight of 20th
century Earth singing star Lyle Lovett! When we come back, the final
question! Players, set your wagers for this category.....THE SPAM
TAKEOVER.
(Mike wages 55 and Hentad wages 2200. Goes to commercial)
HENTAD: Nelson, you haven't got a chance! I know almost everything about the
Spam Takeover! You're Dandee fodder!
MIKE: What?
HENTAD: Dandee, the grockel that lives here....he always gets hungry after a
show! Did you actually think your death would be painless????
(back on the Satellite...)
JOEL: Gypsy, can you port him out of there?
GYPSY: No! There's too much TV interference.
CROW: Is there anything TV DOESN'T interfere with?
TOM: Hey guys, the commercial's over!!!
(back at the studio)
HOST: OK..you made your wagers and I see you both bet it all. Well, here is
your question.....What was the name of the Queen who was almost
overthrown? You have 30 seconds.
(cheesy tick-tock music plays. Hentad now looks worried)
(Time runs out)
HOST: OK...The answer is....QUEEN DAMOX! Let's see how you two fared. Mike
has...."Damox"! Correct! You now have 110 points. Hentad
has......NOTHING!! Your score has dropped to zero and MIKE NELSON IS OUR
NEW CHAMPION!
(Mike is speechless)
HOST: Mr. Nelson??? Mr. Nelson!!!
(Mike comes out of it)
HOST: What do you have to say now that you are our champion?
MIKE: It's.....very nice.
HOST: And you get to come back tomorrow! You are now 500,000 plutons richer!
MIKE: Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not. I got lucky this time
and I'm not about to try this again. Just let me clean up my vomit and
port out of here. I can't wait to spend my money!
HOST: You heard the man! (to audience) Good night!
(off the air)
STAGEHAND: Come on, Hentad....you have a dinner date with Dandee!
(Stagehand drags Hentad off the stage kicking and screaming. Sound of a door
opening and locking. Sound of much chomping ending with a...)
DANDEE: (B U R P)
HOST: Who are we going to fill the vacant space with?
MIKE: Just simply find two more suck--players for the game! I'm gone!
HOST: Wait, Mr. Nelson, before you leave, there is a little matter of tax that
should be addressed. Let's see....
25% for county tax
another 5% for game show tax
20% of what's left for playability tax
15% off the original amount for planet tax
30% off of that for exercise tax
(Host lists more taxes)
HOST: And that leaves you with exactly 34 plutons and 12 credits....enjoy!
(to Audience) I need two players for a chance at 500,000 plutons!
(Mike ports back to the ship)
JOEL: So all that and you didn't even win MOST of the money! I guess there is
a lesson to be learned here.
CROW: Yeah..only we don't know what it is.
TOM: Look on the bright side, Mike. At least you're not dead. Almost.... very
close....but you are not dead!
MIKE (sarcastic): Well thanks a lot! (to Gypsy) Take us as far away from this
place as possible....PLEASE!
(The Satellite Of Love travels away from Tantalus III)
(back on the planet..)
HOST (to empty audience): Anyone??? Please??? We're talking 500,000 plutons
here!! Hello???
T H E E N D
PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS...
#103 -- The Dark Half
After a sleep of almost 380 years, Crow's evil twin brother Timmy returns
to cause more havoc aboard the Satellite Of Love!!
#104 -- Deep Space 13
The Satellite crew comes across the descendants of Dr. Forrester and TV's
Frank in a remote space station located in the toughest part of the
galaxy.
*****************************************************************************
* From: gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu / kdays1@ithaca.edu *
* *
* Mortimer Gomez Addams (Always look on the bright side of DEATH!!) *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended *
* for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, *
* living or dead, is unintentional. *
* *
* Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and *
* Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1989, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions *
* *
* All other characters created by Kevin Days -- Copyright 1994 *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures -- "A New Beginning" -- C 1994 *
*****************************************************************************
