Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 101
Mystery Science Theater Adventures
#101 -- The New Beginning
Copyright 1994 by Kevin Days
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and characters
Copyright 1989, 1994 Best Brains Productions
September 1995...
The scene : Station Deep 13 -- Gizmonics Institute
Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank are looking over a monitor.
FORRESTER: Aha! I knew it! After 2 years of searching, we've found him!
FRANK: Who, Steve?
FORRESTER: That pain in my side, Joel Robinson! He was going to slap a major
lawsuit on me! It would have exposed our whole operation! But he
made a major mistake, I found him first!
FRANK: So what are you going to do with him?
FORRESTER: You'll see....ha ha ha!
(The Satellite Of Love....Mike and the bots are getting ready for the movie of
the week)
MIKE (looking into Cambot): Hello and welcome to the Satellite Of Love. I'm
Mike Nelson and these are my friends Tom, Crow, and Gypsy.
(Cambot shakes)
MIKE: Oh! Of course I couldn't forget you, Cambot.....This week Tom is
exploring a previously unknown section of the Satellite.
TOM (in full exploring gear): Tonight we will be exploring the depest bowels
of the Satellite of Love...a place that is so vile, so unspeakable that it
simply cannot be spoken of!
MIKE: You're only going to the place where the food is made!
TOM: I TOLD YOU NOT TO SPEAK OF IT!!! It is just too scary!
GYPSY: Good luck!
(Tom dashes off, then comes back 5 seconds later)
TOM: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! The view was just too much....there was....LIVER!!!
ALL: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
MIKE: Let's calm down...The mads are calling us!
(Mike pushes the button)
FORRESTER: What's the matter, Nelson, can't take a bit of liver? Frank can!
(Forrester feeds liver to Frank, who eats it and makes faces of disgust)
FRANK (sarcastic): Uh...YUM!! It...is...so....good!!!
FORRESTER: Well, yes, it's time now for the invention exchange. What do you
have? huh??
MIKE: What we have here is an invention I like to call the CD Shredder...it
takes old CDs that you no longer care for and shreds them into tiny
pieces that you can then use for prismic decorations. What do you think,
sirs?
FORRESTER: You call that in invention? Well, THIS is an invention! It is a
matter-energy transporter and it can transport anything from
anywhere in the world...watch.......Frank, set the controls for
Sydney, Australia.
(Frank sets the controls and Forrester brings the machine to life. Within
seconds, Joel appears on the transporter pad)
JOEL: What the--?!
FORRESTER: I DID IT!!!! I DID IT!!! I GOT JOEL BACK!! You thought you were
going to bilk me of my money?? Think again! HA HA! Frank, get that
shutle ready!
JOEL: How did I get here?
(Forrester conks Joel on the head with a frying pan and Frank puts him in the
shuttle)
FORRESTER: 3....2....1....LAUNCH!!!!
(Frank hits the launch button....Mike and the bots stare at their
communication screen blankly)
TOM: I...I can't believe it!
GYPSY: Poor Joel!
CROW: At least he knows he has friends here.
MIKE: Can't they just be a little more original? That's how they got ME here!
DECEMBER 1995
Scene: The Satellite Of Love
(Joel and Mike are getting the bots all dressed up in tuxedos)
JOEL: Ok, the mads said this was to be a formal occasion.
CROW: But why do we have to wear these suits? I look like a penguin!
MIKE: Because you have to wear a tux at all formal occasions
(Gypsy arives in a dress)
TOM: Now we just have to wait for the mads to call.
(The light blinks on the console...Joel pushes it)
FORRESTER: I see you are all dressed up for the occasion, because I have good
news.....you have no movie 720 this week!
JOEL, MIKE, BOTS: NO MOVIE???!!!
FORRESTER: That's right...we've run out of cheesy movies here at Deep 13, so
my experiment is finished, and may I say I like the results!
MIKE: So I guess that means we get to come home, right?
FORRESTER: WRONG! Because then you'll tell the authorities about my
experiments! I'm simply going to let you go! It was nice knowing
you all. I hope you rot in space! BYE!
(Frank pushes his button. Numerous warning lights go off in the Satellite)
GYPSY: He's severed control, we're breaking out of orbit!!
MIKE: Can you steer us back?
GYPSY: The Satellite has no steering control!
JOEL: Then that means.....
CROW: WE'RE DRIFTING HELPLESSLY THROUGH SPACE!!
ALL: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
JANUARY 1996
Scene: The Satellite Of Love -- Out of food
MIKE: If I go another day without food, I'll die!
JOEL: Same here!
TOM: Ah! Cheer up! It's only been 3 days!
MIKE: Easy for you to say, you're robots! You don't need to eat.
JOEL: Bots, I think there is only one thing to do if we are to survive. Put me
and Mike in the cryogenic chamber.
GYPSY: Are you sure?
JOEL: Positive. Once we're rescued, we'll be unfrozen.
(Tom and Crow open up the cryogenic chamber and Joel and Mike climb in. They
then close the chamber and set it to 'freeze')
CROW: Well, they're frozen.....but for how long???
THEME --
In the not too distant future, December of '95
Dr. Forester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive
His experiments complete at last
Severed ties with the Satellite real fast
It drifted off to an unknown place
The Satellite Of Love was lost in space
Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years
The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier
Now keep in mind the S.O.L. was about to meet its end
So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike, along with their robot friends....
ROBOT ROLL CALL
Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Croooow!
Now in a refitted S.O.L., they tour the Milky Way
And think to yourself, "It's just a file", and let the story go where it may
On Mystery Science Theater Adventures!!
JANUARY 2370
Scene: A scout ship in the Rigel system
(A navigator notices an anomaly on his scope)
NAVIGATOR: Sir, you better see this!
(the captain walks over to the screen)
CAPTAIN: What is it?
NAVIGATOR: Unknown, sir, but it's shaped like an old Earth dog bone!
CAPTAIN: A dog bone?? Ae you sure?
NAVIGATOR: Positive. It's just drifting.
(Satellite of Love appears on their screen)
COMMUNICATIONS OFFICER: Sir...it's a message from a nearby enemy ship. They
demand the small bone ship under space salvage laws.
(Enemy ship appears and moves toward the Satellite Of Love)
CAPTAIN: Over my dead body...prepare to engage them. Open a channel.
(Communications Officer opens a line to the enemy ship)
CAPTAIN: This is Captain Bytor of the Dominion Starship Vanges. Release your
claim of the unknown vessel, you are in Dominion space!
ENEMY CAPTAIN: This is Vaarg, captain of the Assembly Starship Toraz! The
space salvage laws dictate that this ship is mine!!
(The Toraz locks a tractor beam on the Satellite Of Love and starts to pull it
closer)
BYTOR: Your space salvage laws do not apply to Dominion space! (to weapons
officer) Prepare to fire on the Assembly vessel!
WEAPONS OFFICER: Aye, sir!
(The Vanges fires on the Toraz. The tractor beam is disengaged)
BYTOR: Again.....fire!
(The Vanges fires again...direct hit)
BYTOR: Now, Vaarg, do you release your claim or do we get rough??
VAARG: You have won this round, Captain Bytor, but the war is far from over!
(Toraz retreats back into Assembly space)
BYTOR: This is Captain Bytor to unknown vessel...identify yourself!
(Silence)
BYTOR: Identify yourself or prepare to be boarded!
(Silence)
BYTOR: OK...Drago, Rickter, Samms....with me. We're boarding the vessel. What
is the artificial atmosphere in there?
RICKTER: Sensors show nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere.....normal air.
BYTOR: Good. Let's go!
(Bytor and his landing party board the Satellite Of Love. They materialize
between doors 5 and 6)
BYTOR: Where are we?
RICKTER: Sensors show we are in a type of hallway that contains 6 chambers.
SAMMS: Look, sir, this door's numbered 5
DRAGO: And this one's numbered 6!
BYTOR: Let's see what's behind door #6
(Bytor and crew enter door 6 into another chamber of the hall)
SAMMS: This door must be the last one....number 7
(Bytor and crew go through door 7. They see four rather aged robots and a
cryogenic chamber)
BYTOR: No wonder we didn't get an answer to our hails...there's nobody
conscious to answer them. Samms, get these robots operational, I want
to know what happened here.
(Samms starts to tinker with Tom Servo while Drago sets the cryogenic chamber
to 'thaw')
DRAGO: Sir, there are human life forms in here. I'm thawing them out now.
(Tom Servo comes on line)
TOM: Wh...wh...where am I? Of course, I'm on the Satellite! Is it still 2145?
SAMMS: Not quite
TOM: I see my internal clock-on-the-wall tells me that....IT'S TIME FOR
DINNER!
SAMMS: Uh..you see..it's
TOM: Yes I know, It's also 2370. I wasn't put together yesterday, you know!
(Tom looks over at the other bots. He rushes to Crow, still not reactivated)
TOM: Crow! Buddy! You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me! I could have
stayed operational for a few more decades.
(Tom looks at Crow more closely)
TOM: Wait....his battery's NOT drained! Then who downed Crow? Let's see....
Gypsy downed Cambot in 2066, No use having a camera if there's no one to
see us, I downed Gypsy since we were already lost in space, Crow downed
me...then...hmmm...I don't remember after that! WAIT! i almost forgot!
SAMMS: What?
TOM: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Tom Servo and you are aboard the
Satellite of Love
(The cryogenic chamber is through thawing...Joel and Mike, somewhat
disoriented, start to speak)
JOEL (looking up at Drago): Who are you?
DRAGO: Commander Johnson Drago of the Dominion Starship Vanges. We picked up
your ship on our scopes. And you are...
JOEL: Joel Robinson of the Satellite of Love. We have been frozen and drifting
since 1996.
DRAGO: 1996?? We had no idea interplanetary space travel was possible in the
twentieth century.
JOEL: It wasn't...we were orbiting Earth when our boss cut us off and we
started to drift. How's Mike?
DRAGO: Mike?
JOEL: The guy in the other sub-chamber.
DRAGO: Medical scans say you are both fit as the proverbial fiddle. I wish I
could say the same about your constructs.
JOEL: You mean the bots.
DRAGO: Yeah...One of them, the big purple one, has run out of 'juice'. Mr.
Samms is trying to get them back on line.
SAMMS: I don't know about this 'Tom' robot...it must have some kind of circuit
loose. It's raving like mad!
JOEL: Don't worry, that's how he always is!
BYTOR: I take it you are all from Earth. It's really the only safe haven for
humans nowadays. Well, that and the Dominion starships.
MIKE (waking and stretching): AH! What a sleep that was!
JOEL: The what?
BYTOR: The People's Dominion of Star Systems, founded 2266. Do you realize you
were almost Assembly Fodder? Our enemies, the Outer Assembly of
Planets, have been trying to claim Dominion property by their
space-salvage laws ever since we annexed the Rigel system five years
ago.
(Samms gets Crow back on-line)
CROW: GYPSY YOU FAKER!! Oh! I see we're being rescued.
(Crow notices a squeak when he moves his arms)
CROW: I'm gonna need a major oil job when I get back to civilization.
TOM: Crow! You're all right!
CROW: Yeah...Gypsy was never shut off at all! What you turned off was her
vocal circuits.
(Samms gets Cambot back on line and Cambot gets right in Samms' face. Samms
looks rather bewildered)
TOM: Oh, don't mind Cambot, he's just looking to see if you check out.
SAMMS: Check out?
CROW: Yeah, before we shut him off, he was getting a bit paranoid. He was
afraid that someone was going to shut him off!
JOEL: Cambot, calm down, these people are here to help us!
(Cambot gets in Joel's face, realizes who it is, then starts shaking up and
down for joy!)
JOEL: What about Gypsy?
SAMMS: You mean the purple one?
JOEL: Yes
SAMMS: Well, I can't do anything without power to its circuits. We'll have to
take it aboard the Vanges and power it up.
(Crow rushes to Gypsy's side)
CROW: Gypsy, you fool! You didn't have to sacrifice yourself for me! I could
have gone on a few more decades...
TOM: Wait....THAT WAS MY LINE!
CROW: So sue me
TOM: OK I think I will....is there a lawyer in the house??
JOEL: Come on, guys, I know it's been a long ride and a long time but I'm sure
you all can put aside any tension you may feel and...
(Tom and Crow jump on Joel)
MIKE: Okay, that's enough! Now can we let these gentlemen help us please?
(Tom, Crow, and Joel freeze in place)
MIKE: That's better.
BYTOR: I think we should all port back to the Vanges. Cadet, porting 10.
(Bytor's crew and the Satellite crew port to the Vanges. Gypsy is sent
directly to technical. The Vanges puts a tractor beam on the Satellite. Bytor
calls a meeting with the Satellite's occupants)
BYTOR: OK...who are you all?
JOEL: I am Joel Robinson, former employee of the Gizmonics Institute. My boss,
Dr. Clayton Forrester, sent me into space in September 1989 simply
because he didn't like me. He did experiments by showing me these real
cheesy movies and me and the bots would make comments about them. I
escaped from the Satellite in late 1993 only to be found by Dr.
Forrester and shot back in 1995.
MIKE: I am Mike Nelson, former employee of the Gizmonics Institute. When Joel
escaped, I was shot up to replace him.
CROW: I am Crow T. Robot. That is all.
TOM: I am Tom Servo and I was created by Joel. Actually, all four of us robots
were created by Joel.
CROW: And up near the ceiling is Cambot. He doesn't speak.
(Cambot nods to Bytor)
BYTOR: I see. Mr. Robinson, I hope you don't mind, but we are taking the
liberty of making your craft a bit more spaceworthy. We are a scout
ship on a very important mission for the Dominion. It's top secret and
it would not be very good for Dominion security if you stay here.
(The conference room doors open and Gypsy slinks through)
JOEL, MIKE, BOTS: GYPSY!!
GYPSY: Hi everyone! Is it really the 24th Cantury??
JOEL: Yes it is.
TOM: We were rescued from certain doom! Aliens to the left! Aliens to the
right!
MIKE: Pipe down, Tom, it was only 1 hostile ship easily defeated by this one.
GYPSY: Oooh...sounds exciting!
JOEL: Ready to go back to the Satellite...it has propulsion now.
CROW: Yeah, we can't stay here....top secret stuff and all.
SAMMS (entering): Well, your ship is all ready to go!
(Mike, Joel, and the bots go to the teleportation pads)
BYTOR: Porting 6....standby
GYPSY: Bye!
JOEL: Thanks for recuing us.
BYTOR: No problem..and you should have enough food to last you about 10 years.
(Tom whispers something in Bytor's ear)
BYTOR: No, Mr. Servo, there is no liver on board.
TOM: Good! That was all we had to eat before Joel and Mike were frozen.
BYTOR: Godspeed to you! And remember you always have friends in the Dominion!
MIKE: Good bye!
(Joel, Mike, and the bots port back to the Satellite Of Love)
CROW: Well, here we are, back again...just the 6 of us
TOM: Just like it all started! It just makes you feel all warm inside. Wait!
Is it? Could it be? Yes it's CLICHED HAPPY ENDING TIME!!!!
JOEL: I hear you, Tom!
GYPSY: Group hug!!
(Joel, Mike, and the bots engage in a group hug)
MIKE: And who knows where we are headed next........
Who knows indeed? Keep watching the net to see new Mystery Science Theater
Adventures aboard the Satellite Of Love as it travels through the Milky Way of
the 24th Century. What dangers await our travellers in our next episode???
COMING SOON TO MSTA:
#102 -- Wheel In The Sky
Mike becomes a contestant on a game show on Tantalus-III where the winners
win big, and the losers lose their lunch.....and their lives!
#103 -- The Dark Half
After a sleep of almost 380 years, Crow's evil twin brother Timmy returns
to cause more havok aboard the Satellite Of Love!!
*****************************************************************************
* From: gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu / kdays1@ithaca.edu *
* *
* Mortimer Gomez Addams (Always look on the bright side of DEATH!!) *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended *
* for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, *
* living or dead, is unintentional. *
* *
* Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and *
* Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1989, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions *
* *
* All other characters created by Kevin Days -- Copyright 1994 *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures -- "A New Beginning" -- C 1994 *
*****************************************************************************
