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Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 104
Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 104 Reel 1
"Deep Space 13"
In the not too distant future, December of '95
Dr. Forrester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive
His experiments complete at last
Severed ties with the satellite real fast
It drifted off to an unknown place
The Satellite Of Love was lost in space!
Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years
The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier
Now keep in mind the SOL was about to meet its end
So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike along with their robot friends.
ROBOT ROLL CALL
Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Croooow!!
Now in a refitted SOL, they tour the Milky Way
And think to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may!
On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!!!
(the 7 doors close....WAIT!! only 6 close....Tom Servo and Cambot are in
between doors 6 and 7)
TOM: No...a bit closer, Cambot....that's better. On 5..4..3..2..1.... Hello
and welcome to the famous zip room in the Satellite of Love. This is
where us robots go to relax while Mike and Joel play pool...
(door 7 closes...Joel and Mike are using Joel's 'pocket pool' invention. Mike
sticks the cue in his pocket and....aims...)
MIKE: 3 ball in the lower pocket...
(Mike shoots into his pocket...sounds of pool balls crashing)
MIKE: Damn, missed....your cue, Joel
(Crow and Gypsy, in the background, enter door 7)
CROW: I was just not in the mood to see what happens next
TOM: They're playing pool again?? That's the third time today!
GYPSY: Well, they're playing 'pocket pool'
CROW AND TOM: Ewwwwwww!!
GYPSY: What? What did I say?
TOM: Never mind.
(the SOL shakes violently....the bots re-enter the "bridge")
TOM: What the hell was that?
GYPSY (looking at a monitor): We've been hit with some sort of tractor beam!
MIKE: Can you break us free?
GYPSY: No! The beam's too powerful.
JOEL: Well then I guess we just sit back and enjoy the ride.
CROW: Suuuure....UNTIL WE MEET OUR FIERY DEATHS!!
JOEL: Well, maybe this is a good tractor beam.
TOM: Yeah, like Gamera was a good turtle in his first movie??
JOEL: He saved that kid...
CROW: So? This is saving us fuel, too, but that doesn't mean--
MIKE: Listen you all, arguing won't get us anywhere...
(Mike starts to sing "Get Together")
CROW: No, not again!
(Gypsy turnes on the hexview...a derelict space station is shown on it)
JOEL: What's that, Gypsy?
GYPSY: Our destination...I traced the origin of the tractor beam. It's still a
couple of hours away from us.
MIKE: Emergency meeting, everyone.
(Joel, Mike, and the bots huddle)
MIKE: OK...it's simple...when we get to the space station, we just tell
whoever is in charge who we are and they should let us go no problem.
CROW: Or they could shoot us with death rays...
JOEL: You have to be more positive, Crow, this is a difficult situation.
CROW: Ok then, I'm POSITIVE they'll shoot us with death rays!
TOM: Or they could dismember us and feed us to the native animals.
GYPSY: Or they could be nice, friendly people.
JOEL: Thattaway, Gypsy! See, guys, you have to keep a level head here.
Remember...."Deep Space 9" was a derelict space station with friendly
people on it.
TOM: Uh, Joel, only you and Mike have seen "Deep Space 9". Crow, Gypsy, Cambot
and I were on the SOL for the show's entire run.
CROW: Yeah, for all we know, you may be lying!
JOEL: Come on, have I ever lied to you guys before?
CROW: Yes
JOEL: Well, I'm not lying this time.
(They break the huddle)
(two hours later..)
JOEL: Well, here we are
GYPSY: I think we're about to dock here.
(SOL docks)
VOICE OVER COMMUNICATOR: Please enter the station...do as you are told and no
one will get hurt.
CROW: See! They DO want to hurt us!
(SOL crew exit into station. Cleaning crews enter the Satellite. They are all
wearing red jumpsuits)
JOEL: There's something familiar about what those crews are wearing.
(Crews exit after about 10 minutes)
CREWPERSON (into small comm piece): It's all here and all clean, Boss!
BOSS (over comm piece): Good...we can now start.
(over station intercom): Crew from the ship...re-enter your vessel now!
(Joel, Mike, and bots re-enter the Satellite...red light is flashing. Joel
pushes the button. A grape appears out of nowhere)
JOEL: What's this??
MIKE: That's what I want to know.
JOEL: In the first two years that I was involved with the mads' experiments,
they used to give me grapes after I pushed the buttons.
(Hexview comes on, it shows the operations room of the station with two people
dressed like Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank!)
JOEL: Who are you?
FORRESTER: My name is Franklin Forrester, commander of Deep Space 13. Right
next to me is my assistant TV's Fred
CROW: FRANK Forrester???
FORRESTER: That's "Commander Forrester" to you! We have been looking for the
Satellite Of Love for 10 years now! Ever since we heard about our
ancestors' experiments I had always wondered what would it be like
to conduct one. Now I have the SOL, and I even have all the
original...'lab rats', as you will!
TOM: Why you.....you'll never get away with this!
FORRESTER: Oh no?? Send them the movie, Fred!
FRED: OK!
(The lights that signal 'movie sign' turn on!)
MIKE: We're not going!
JOEL: I don't think you want to say that!
MIKE: Why?
(Mike gets shocked by the new 'mads')
MIKE: I see...Gypsy, find a way out of here! We'll be back in half an hour!
(Mike, Joel, Servo, and Crow go to the theater)
GYPSY: OK...let's see now...hmmmmm
(Gypsy looks at some controls)
GYPSY: They didn't only disable the transporters, they ripped the controls for
them right out of the panel!!
(Cambot looks at Gypsy)
GYPSY: You want to help?
(Cambot nods)
GYPSY: Ok...I'll make a list of things we need. Take the Pinkus Pod and go to
the nearest ship parts store.
(Cambot nods....Gypsy puts the list in front of him)
GYPSY: Now record this carefully...
(Cambot skims the list then heads for the pod. The mads notice the pod taking
off)
FRED: Look, Steve, there was a pod in there!
FORRESTER: Oh no! Who's aboard?
FRED: Only that round camera thingy.
FORRESTER: Good! For a moment I thought we lost our experiment!
FRED: Are you sure the Dominion officials won't find us here?
FORRESTER: Officials don't even come around here, Fred! This is the toughest
area of the whole galaxy! Anything goes here!
FRED: How about pork rinds?
FORRESTER: Well....ALMOST everything!
(Cmdr. Forrester hits Fred)
(meanwhile, back to the pod...)
(Cambot comes across a planet and lands the pod. He gets out of it. A few
street toughs approach him)
LEADER: You're in the territory of the Primal Heads, bot! We did not invite
you!
GANG MEMBER 1: Yeah! Go back where you came from!
GANG MEMBER 2 (to Leader): Look at him...looks like a wimp to me!
LEADER: Let's nail his head to the wall!
GANG: YEAH!!!
(Gang runs toward Cambot with knives flashing. Cambot, thinking quick,
projects an image of Gamera)
LEADER: Holy shit! What in the hell is that?!?!
GANG MEMBER 2: I don't know, but I don't want to mess with it!
LEADER: Run away! Run away!
(Cambot arrives at a parts store)
OWNER: Hello, little robot. What do you need?
(Cambot projects the list. Owner gets the items)
OWNER: That will be 75 plutons and 33 credits.
(Cambot projects an image of a credit card with a '?' after it)
OWNER: We take MasterCard, Visa, or Galactic Express.
(Cambot projects Mike's MasterCard number)
OWNER: Thank you, and come again soon!
(back on the Satellite...Joel, Mike, Servo, and Crow return)
JOEL: Gypsy, where's Cambot?
GYPSY: He went to get parts for the Satellite...they took our transporter
control!
(The pod returns...Mike helps Cambot take the parts inside)
MIKE: Here you go, Gypsy!
GYPSY: You realize I will have to build this from scratch.
TOM: You mean we'll have to watch more of this movie??
JOEL: 'fraid so!
(Tom breaks down in tears)
TOM: You don't know what it's like in there, Gypsy! The movie's in shambles!
The 'cheese' is everywhere!
CROW: It's gotta be the worst movie ever!
GYPSY: But I thought the mads ran out of movies back in 1995.
MIKE: This one was made in 2016, apparently at a time when directors didn't
give a damn!
GYPSY: Why do you say that?
MIKE: It was the #1 box office movie of 2016 grossing $900,000!
('Movie sign' flashes)
JOEL: Get that transporter working, Gypsy! We'll be back!
(Joel, Mike, Servo, and Crow go back to the theater)
(back at Deep Space 13...)
FRED: Steve, what do we do after the experiment's over?
FORRESTER: Well, ye of little gray matter, we do another one....then another..
..then another...until we run out of movies just like our ancestors
did!!!
(Fred looks in an old box)
FRED: Look! One of my old heads!
(Forrester makes like Lurch of the Addams Family...)
FORRESTER: Uhhhhhhhh.....
(Back on the Satellite....Gypsy has completed repairs)
GYPSY: Good...now to test it...
(Gypsy turns the Transporter on and transports Mike to the "bridge")
MIKE: How did I.....Gypsy! You got the 'porter working!
GYPSY: Yup!
MIKE: Good...now here's what I want you to do....
(Mike whispers into Gypsy's ear (wherever that is))
(returning to Deep Space 13)
FRED: Commander, Mike's gone!!
FORRESTER: What?!
FRED: You know, in the theater!
FORRESTER: AHHH! Fred, make a search! I won't have my experiment ruined by
anyone!
(Fred talks into the station-wide intercom)
FRED: This is TV's Fred! Conduct a search for a man with dark hair, brown
eyes, and wearing a green jumpsuit.
FORRESTER: Good...now we can--
FRED: Or was it brown hair, dark eyes, and a red jumpsuit.
(Forrester looks at Fred angrily)
FRED: Or was it red hair, blue eyes, with tan shoes and pink shoelaces, a
polka-dot vest and---
(Forrester WHAPS Fred!)
FORRESTER: You can't do anything right! (into intercom) Go by Fred's ORIGINAL
description!!
(in another part of D.S. 13...)
MIKE: Well, well, this shouldn't be TOO hard...all I have to find is the ops
center!
(Mike finds an old computer disk on a desk. He looks at it.)
MIKE: Why this is...Oh my God! I thought I'd never see this again!
(Mike puts it in his pocket. He scurries around the station. He is seen by
some guards in blue jumpsuits)
GUARD: Who are you?
MIKE: Mike Nelson...I used to work here years ago and I want to free the ship
docked here from Cmdr. F. and Fred.
GUARD: OK...go ahead.
(Mike makes it to ops)
MIKE: Hello....
FORRESTER: WHAT!?!?!? How did you get by my guards?
MIKE: Well, I assumed that you treat them like slaves like the original mads
did to me and that they would love to see something of yours go awry!
Looks like I assumed right! Your experiment is over, Commander!
(Mike talks into a hand-held communicator)
MIKE: NOW, Gypsy!
(Gypsy sets the controls to port Cmdr. F. and Fred into a makeshift brig
aboard the Satellite. Mike then stops the movie and ports back to the SOL)
MIKE: Success!
(Joel, Tom, and Crow return)
CROW: Saved!
MIKE: Yup, and look what I found!
GYPSY: Oh my God! Load it right away!!
(Mike loads the disk)
JOEL: She's back!
(The sound speakers in the SOL emit a high-pitched sigh, as in relief. A voice
spoke)
VOICE: It's good to be back home!!
TOM: MAGIC VOICE!!!
MIKE: I thought you were gone for good after experiment 622!
MAGIC VOICE: It was a long time, but since the mads kept me on a disk I was
not harmed
JOEL: So what exactly happened to Magic Voice?
MIKE: The mads got into our computer system and erased her from the Satellite!
I thought she was erased completely. It was punishment for hesitating to
watch the movie!
MAGIC VOICE: So where are we going?
CROW: The ends of the universe!
JOEL: Sounds good, but let's go to Darius-II first!
(The Satellite takes off and starts to take D.S. 13 with it!)
TOM: Gypsy! You forgot to undock!
GYPSY: Sorry.
(Gypsy undocks. The SOL moves on)
MIKE: What do we do with "Freebie and the Bean"?
(Cambot indicates a nearby planet)
JOEL: Let's do it!
(Gypsy ports Cmdr. Forrester and Fred to the planet)
GYPSY: Let's go everyone!
(SOL moves on)
(Meanwhile, on the planet. Cmdr. F. and Fred are in a dark alley)
FORRESTER: Nice going, Fred!
FRED: Look, Steve, there are people here!
LEADER: This is Primus Heads territory, geek! And we didn't invite you!
FORRESTER AND FRED: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
T H E E N D
PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS...
#105 -- The Gods ARE Crazy
Joel, Mike, and the bots go to planet Darius-II, where they are wor-
shipped as gods by the natives, who have recently picked up old Comedy
Central broadcasts, but Assembly 'missionaries' would KILL to shatter the
natives' dream!
#106 -- My My My My Michael
On Galtar-VI, Mike meets a beautiful woman and falls head over heels in
love with her, but her intentions are far less attractive!
*****************************************************************************
* From: gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu / kdays1@ithaca.edu *
* *
* Mortimer Gomez Addams (Always look on the bright side of DEATH!!) *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended *
* for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, *
* living or dead, is unintentional. *
* *
* Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and *
* Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1989, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions *
* *
* All other characters created by Kevin M. Days -- Copyright 1994 *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures -- "Deep Space 13" -- C 1994 *
*****************************************************************************
