Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 106
Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 106 Reel 1
"My My My My Michael"
In the not too distant future, December of '95
Dr. Forrester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive
His experiments complete at last
Severed ties with the satellite real fast
It drifted off to an unknown place
The Satellite Of Love was lost in space!
Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years
The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier
Now keep in mind the SOL was about to meet its end
So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike along with their robot friends.
ROBOT ROLL CALL
Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Croooow!!
Now in a refitted SOL, they tour the Milky Way
And think to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may!
On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!!!
(the 7 doors close....Crow is alone on the "bridge"....he puts a suitcase on the
transporter pad)
CROW: Well, I'm the last one....after I go, no one else will be left to port me
back up.
(He does some thinking....starts shaking)
CROW: I.....CAN'T......LEAVE!!!
(Mike enters)
MIKE: Hi, Crow....doing your Shatner impression again, I see
CROW: Mike! You ruined it! Cambot, stop tape!
(Cambot comes out from behind a small curtain, goes over to Mike, looks down,
and shakes his head (well, his BODY) "no")
MIKE: Look, guys, I'm sorry! I had no idea!
(Joel enters)
JOEL: Hey, what's up, guys?
CROW: Mike ruined my big directorial debut!
JOEL: Directorial debut?? Crow, you're not even an actor!
CROW: But that's beside the point..
(Tom enters)
TOM: So Crow, how's your big film coming along? *snicker*
CROW: It was coming along good until--
(Tom snickers again)
CROW: HEY! Wait a minute....
(Mike starts to snicker)
JOEL: Tom, did you send Mike in here to ruin Crow's film?
TOM: *snicker* Yes! *snicker*
MIKE: Oh man you should have seen the look on Crow's face! *snicker*
CROW: Guys, do you know what I'm going to do to you?
TOM: What?
CROW: First I'm going to KILL YOU! Then I'm going to KILL YOU AGAIN! and
again, and again, and...
JOEL: I think I know a bot who needs a time out.
(Joel yanks Crow off the bridge by the scruff of the net)
TOM: Oh man! That was priceless!
MIKE: Give me a high 5!
TOM: I can't....my arms don't work.
MIKE: Oh yeah.
(Mike gives 5 to Tom)
MAGIC VOICE: You know, guys, that wasn't very nice.
MIKE: Oh, come on, M.V., we were just having a little fun.
MAGIC VOICE: Entering orbit in 5...4...3...2...1...entering orbit now.
(Joel and Crow return)
JOEL: Hey, we just entered orbit! Where's Gypsy?
TOM: Uh....she's been.....detained, yeah, that's it! *snicker*
JOEL: Tom, what did you do to Gypsy?
TOM: Well, she's.....that is I.....
MAGIC VOICE: Gypsy is in the theater.
JOEL: Thank you Magic Voice....be right back...
(Joel slides down his chute to the theater...Gypsy is tied to one of the seats)
JOEL: Gypsy, what happened?
GYPSY: Tom and Mike tied me to this chair and forced me to watch Police Academy
six!
JOEL: How did Tom tie you up if his arms don't work?
GYPSY: He used his mouth to hold down the knot for Mike.
(Joel and Gypsy go back to the bridge. Tom is laughing his head off)
TOM: That was a good one!
(Joel puts Tom's head back on)
JOEL: Tom, Mike, I really think you went too far this time. I mean really....
Police Academy six??
GYPSY: Ooooo, a planet....let's port down!
MIKE: Hey, Tom, maybe we can think up some more jokes for later.
TOM: Way ahead of you! I have this idea that involves hair mousse, pea pods,
and a length of rubber tubing!
JOEL: Come on you guys, we're porting down.
(Joel, Mike, and the bots port to the planet. It looks like a scene from an old
70s detective movie)
TOM: Waka-chika, waka-chika
MIKE: What was that all about?
TOM: Read about 3 lines up....
MIKE: "a scene from an old 70s detective movie"! Ah!
TOM: Yeah, it's that disco-funk music they always used to play!
(Joel notices something off in the distance)
JOEL: Look over there, guys!
(Everyone turns to notice a very attractive young woman getting mugged by some
street toughs)
GYPSY: They're not being very nice
(Gypsy and Mike go to offer help to the woman)
GYPSY (to toughs): You know, there are better ways than that to make money.
TOUGH 1 (back turned to Gypsy): You better scram lady if you know what's good
for ya!
TOUGH 2 (looking at Gypsy): Uh....boss....I...
TOUGH 1: What?
TOUGH 2: I think you better turn around.
(Tough 1 turns around)
TOUGH 1: AHHHHHHHH! WHAT IS IT???
TOUGH 2: I don't know but I don't want to mess with it!
TOUGH 1: RUN!!!
(Toughs run away)
WOMAN: Thank you. (to Mike): That's a robot, right?
MIKE: Yes....
(Mike looks deep into her eyes and is put into a love trance)
GYPSY: Mike......Mike.......MIKE!
MIKE: Oh! Uh...What's your name?
WOMAN: My name is Jasmine
MIKE: What a lovely name
GYPSY: AHEM! Joel's calling us.
MIKE: Tell him I'll be right there.
(Gypsy goes back to Joel and the other bots)
MIKE: Where is this place?
JASMINE: You're on the planet Galtar-VI, in the city of New Chicago.
MIKE: Thanks.
JASMINE: Maybe we'll see each other again before you leave.
MIKE: Yeah.....maybe we will.
(Mike beams a huge smile and takes it with him back to Joel and the bots)
CROW: The Mikester! How was it?
MIKE: Guys, I think I'm in love!
JOEL: Mike you hardly know her.
MIKE: She wants to see me again...I think she thinks I created Gypsy, and you
know that Gypsy scared away the criminals so....
TOM: That's all nice and all but....did you kiss her?
CROW: Yeah, did you slip her the tongue?
MIKE: CROW!
CROW: Sorry.
MIKE: No we did not kiss.......yet!
JOEL: So....where are we?
MIKE: Some planet called Galtar-VI. Listen...I'm gonna get something to eat
here before we port back to the SOL. I don't know about you but I'm
starting to lose my taste for those Dominion generic food products.
JOEL: I'm with you, Mike!
CROW: Me too....you wouldn't happen to know where there are any RAM chips here,
would you?
TOM: RAM chips! RAM chips! All this time and all you can think of is RAM
chips? I'm.....disappointed in you, Crow! I thought you were my pal!
I thought.....
CROW: Tom, that's the first time I've mentioned them since we were revived two
months ago!
TOM: I know, I was just going on a big drama streak for the Cable ACE award!
JOEL: Tom, we're not on cable anymore!
TOM: Oh! In that case, are there any awards for acting on Internet?
JOEL: 'Fraid not.
TOM: DAMN! There goes my big chance!
MIKE: Guys, there's a restaurant across the street! "Big Ed's Diner".
GYPSY: Oooooo...that sounds like a good place!
TOM: Gypsy, you know nothing about places like this. You see, when you watch
as many cheesy moves as I do, you pick up things like....Any restaurant
with the word 'diner' in its name serves incredibly bad food!
JOEL: Hey look! They're listed in the DSA Travel Guide with 5 stars!
TOM: Then again, I could be wrong.
CROW: What's DSA?
JOEL: Dominion Starship Association, you know, like the AAA on Earth.
TOM: Then again, I could be way off base!
(Joel, Mike, and the bots enter the diner....Jasmine is seated at one of the
tables!)
MIKE: There she is!
(Jasmine motions to Mike to join her)
CROW: Go for it!
TOM: Go to it, stud boy!
(Mike sits at Jasmine's table)
MIKE: Uh.... Hi!
JASMINE: Hi....care to join me?
(Back to Joel and the bots)
JOEL: Let's get a table.
(Joel finds an empty table and he and the bots sit at it. 1 1/2 hours later,
Mike goes to Joel's table)
MIKE: She asked if she could get a ride back home to Earth.
JOEL: Earth? Hey, you know it would be nice to see the old place again. Tell
her she's welcome to get a ride back.
(Mike leaves)
CROW (singing): Mike's got a girlfriend! Mike's got a girlfriend!
TOM: And then there's Joel Robinson, who hasn't known the touch of a--
(Joel holds Tom's mouth shut)
JOEL: C'mon, enough of that now! Besides, before the mads caught up with me
there was this girl from Canberra who I was with for a time.
TOM (sarcastic): Yeah! Right!
JOEL: No really she was blonde, blue eyes, 35-24-34.....
CROW: You're thinking of that blonde from "Village Of The Giants"!
TOM: Yeah! (to Crow): Can you believe he's trying to pass off one of those
girls as his girlfriend?
JOEL: Guys.....I didn't watch "Village Of The Giants" with you.
(Tom and Crow shut up)
GYPSY: We can't take you anywhere!
(Mike and Jasmine return to Joel's table)
MIKE: It's all set!
JOEL: OK we leave in five minutes......
(Five minutes later, back on the SOL)
JOEL: Gypsy, are the orbiting rockets disengaged?
GYPSY: Check!
JOEL: OK then, let's go back to Earth!
(the SOL breaks orbit around Galtar-VI)
JASMINE: I'm so excited! I haven't seen Earth in 10 years!
CROW: Well, we haven't seen it.....ever!
JASMINE: Ever? But you look....
JOEL: What Crow means is that the robots have never seen Earth before.
JASMINE: I see
MIKE: It's getting late....I think we better turn in.
JOEL: Good idea.
JASMINE (to Mike): Let's go, stud!
(Jasmine leads Mike to his room. Everyone eventually falls asleep one hour
later.....except Jasmine. She looks at her watch and speaks into it)
JASMINE (whispering): This is Eagle Eye to Blue Streak! Come in...
BLUE STREAK (over watch): This is Blue Streak.....report!
JASMINE: I'm on my way to Earth travelling with the weirdest people one can
think of! I told you my plan would work! Once I set up the beacon on
the planet surface, move your fleet in for takeover. The beacon is
tuned to jam any Dominion communications or sensors.
BLUE STREAK: Good job, Eagle Eye! We will stand by for the beacon signal.
Hail the Assembly!!
JASMINE: Hail the Assembly!
(Jasmine notices Cambot at the door. She rushes to the door. Cambot floats
away but Jasmine catches up to him)
JASMINE: What were you doing?
(Cambot, of course, is silent)
JASMINE: You were spying on me, weren't you? Well....no more!!
(Jasmine hurls Cambot against door 7, seriously damaging him, then goes back to
Mike's room)
(8AM, the next day. The lights and sirens go off on the bridge awakening every-
one. Everyone rushes to the bridge to see Gypsy looking at Cambot)
JOEL: What happened, Gypsy?
GYPSY: It's Cambot.....I think he's......I think....he's.....
TOM (looking at Cambot): OH NO! Don't tell me he's.....
GYPSY: Yes...he's........
CROW: Kicked the bucket?
TOM (sarcastic): Well THAT's a real nice thing to say about a friend, a com-
padre, a comrade!
MIKE: He looks pretty bad. Crow, Tom, you guys have to help me here!
CROW: Why?
MIKE: Because you're the ones who rebuilt him after your panic after experiment
512 almost destroyed him!
CROW: Good point.
JOEL: How did this happen?
TOM: Well, during the panic, my head flew off and landed right on Cambot's--
JOEL: No not THAT! THIS!
TOM: Oh, this..........no idea
JOEL: Gypsy, you're always awake, what happened?
GYPSY: I don't know, I was cleaning up the theater all night.
CROW: What about.....JASMINE!!
MIKE: Impossible....she was with me the entire night!
JOEL: Then who did this?
JASMINE: Maybe the ship rocked....you know there could have been some meteors
out there!
MIKE: Yeah, that's possible.
JOEL: Well, we better start fixing up Cambot now. He's the only one who knows
what's happened to him.
(meanwhile, on Galtar-VI...police headquarters)
POLICE CHIEF: What do you mean she got away?
OFFICER: It was some kind of teleport beam. She left with 2 other humans and
3 robots.
CHIEF: These other humans....what did they look like?
OFFICER: Well, one was male, dirty blond hair, wearing a green jumpsuit. The
other one, male, brown hair, wearing Earth clothes that were fashionable
back in the 20th Century.
CHIEF: Do you think they had something to do with the Assembly? After all,
she is a suspected collaborator.
OFFICER: I don't know, but it's best we find out. Shall I send a craft to
intercept theirs?
CHIEF: Yes! I want them all under arrest!
(Back on the SOL)
MIKE: Whatever did this to Cambot really messed him up bad!
CROW: So Mike, wanna play Scrabble after this?
TOM: Too soon, Crow! Too soon!.....Mike, I see fingerprints on Cambot!!
MIKE: You do?? Whose?
TOM: Can't tell.....they're too faded!
JOEL: Which means someone actually threw Cambot against the door! But who??
(Joel looks suspiciously at Mike)
(Mike looks suspiciously at Tom)
(Tom looks suspiciously at Crow)
(Crow looks suspiciously at Jasmine)
(Jasmine looks suspiciously at Gypsy)
(Gypsy looks suspiciously at Elvis)
TOM: WHAT?!? GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!!
ELVIS: Thank you....thank you very much....
(Crow throws Elvis out the airlock)
MIKE: Guys, I got Cambot's visual circuits back on line!
(Mike touches a switch and Cambot's projector shows Mike's room with Jasmine
speaking into her watch)
JOEL: Why is Jasmine talking into her watch?
TOM: It could be a sentimental thing...You know like how people talk to
plants!
CROW: And where's the sound?
MIKE: Like I said, I only got the visual circuits on line...nothing more.
(Projection shows Jasmine going toward Cambot and grabbing him after a chase.
Then....video snow)
MIKE: I.....I can't believe it! Jassmine, why?
(Jasmine whips out a weapon)
JASMINE: All right.....all of you....hands up!
(everyone puts up their hands.....except Tom and Gypsy of course)
JASMINE: You too, red boy!
TOM: My hands can't move, OK?
JASMINE (to Gypsy): And you...put up your....hose
(Gypsy puts it up)
JASMINE: OK so I did throw that Cambot against the door...it snooped around
too much! Now listen to me and do as I say and no one will get hurt!
JOEL: But you already hurt Cambot!
MIKE: And me too! I trusted you!
TOM: Uh...Mike, I don't think NOW is a good time!
(Jasmine speaks into her watch again)
JASMINE: Eagle Eye to Blue Streak....they're on to me but I have the situation
under total control!
BLUE STREAK: They know too much already. When you get to Earth, kill them!
CROW: AHHHHHHHHH!
TOM: NO! I'm too young to die!
JOEL: Tom, you're about 380 years old!
TOM (sarcastic): Oh, great Joel, tell the whole galaxy while you're at it!
JASMINE: Are you sure, Blue Streak? They really pose no threat....TRUST ME!
BLUE STREAK: I said, "Kill them," and I meant it!
JASMINE (to SOL crew): Any last requests?
TOM: Actually I was thinking of a nice summer country home on Earth, you know,
where I can ride the range and be one with my faithful Steed, Alex!
CROW: I want you to......bite me!
JOEL: Crow, I don't think that's what she meant.
GYPSY: Uh...guys....company!
(A Galtarian spacecraft is approaching the SOL)
JASMINE: Damn! The cops! (to Gypsy): You...get us out of here!
(Gypsy does not move)
JASMINE: Do it now or this will happen to you...
(Jasmine shoots door 7 making a huge hole)
CROW: Hey! You stole that line fron "Kids In The Hall"!
JASMINE: Kids in what? Never mind that now. (to Gypsy): Pilot this ship!
(Gypsy goes to the control panel. She presses a few buttons and the SOL jerks
forward, pulling away from the Police spaceship)
(Red and blue lights flash indicating hexview sign)
JOEL: There's a message coming in on the hexview!
JASMINE: Where's it coming from?
GYPSY: It's coming from the Police ship
JASMINE: Ignore it! Keep heading to Earth!
GYPSY: They're firing up their weapons!
JASMINE: Put the shields up!
GYPSY: What shields?
JOEL: She's right, we don't have shields!
CROW: WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!!!
(The cops fire a warning shot across the hull of the SOL)
JASMINE: Can this thing return fire?
GYPSY: Well--
MIKE: Uh..no! We have no weapons.
JASMINE: Dont tell me I hijacked a ship without means to defend itself?
JOEL: You hijacked a ship.....without means to defend itself?
JASMINE: I asked you not to tell me that!
JOEL (whispering to Mike): Why did you tell her that?
MIKE (whispering back): Trust me.
(The SOL reaches Earth with the cops in close pursuit. Jasmine gets onto the
transporter)
JASMINE: Port me to the surface!
(Gypsy ports Jasmine to the planet surface)
MIKE: Gypsy, put her on hexview
(Gypsy sets the controls so the hexview monitors Jasmine as she buries her bea-
con into the ground)
MIKE: OK....now use the lasers to cut a deep, wide, trench around Jasmine and
the beacon.
(Gypsy does so)
JOEL: I see......
MIKE: Now destroy the beacon.
(The SOL's lasers destroy the beacon. The hexview shows Jasmine very pissed
off)
CROW: What's she saying?
TOM: It looks like....."You...God...damn....mother..."--
JOEL: I think we get the picture Tom.
MAGIC VOICE: Transmission from the Police vessel.
(Mike turns on the hexview)
OFFICER: Surrender now and prepare to be boarded!
JOEL: Officer, I think the person you're after is on Earth. We've......
detained her so you can arrest her.
CROW: Yeah....just look for a deep, wide, trench!
OFFICER: Will do....you were charged of conspiracy, but I think I can drop the
charges....after all, you have just helped us greatly!
(The cops head toward Earth's surface, then after five minutes they return)
OFFICER (to SOL): Just to let you know, we have the perpetrator in custody.
Her name is Robyn Nastirth. She defected to the Assembly ten years
ago and has been plotting the takeover of Earth for years, except until
now we've never been able to prove it. I suggest you come back to
Galtar with me. I have to ask you some questions.
JOEL: Will do.
TOM: You mean we can't stay here at Earth?
JOEL: 'Fraid not, Tom.
CROW: But you and Mike have told us so much about Earth and just for once I'd
like to see it!
JOEL: Maybe another time, guys.
GYPSY: Maybe we can go after making our statement.
JOEL: We'll see.
(The SOL follows the cops back to Galtar-VI. Joel, Mike, and the bots are
making their statements)
CROW: ...and then she threw Cambot against the door and that's when we knew she
was evil.
TOM: No no it was when Cambot saw her talking into her watch.
GYPSY: No it was when we saw the projection.
MIKE: Bots, it can be all those things and more!
CHIEF: Well, looks like we have enough information here to put her away for a
long time! You all have been a great help.
JOEL: Well, we have to get going. There's a whole galaxy out there you know!
Tom...connect with the SOL and port us back.
TOM: Will do, Joelerino!
(Mike, Joel, and the bots port back to the SOL)
(The next day. Mike comes to the bridge after spending a lot of time in the
cargo hold)
TOM: Well, 'doctor', how is he?
(Cambot comes to the bridge)
GYPSY: Cambot!
JOEL: Looks just like new.
MIKE: Well, some of the pieces were beyond repair, so I found this old camera
in the hold and used some of those pieces to fix him. By the way,
what's an old TV camera doing there anyway?
JOEL: Well, when I first made Cambot, he was actually a robot that stood behind
a camera
(Red and blue lights flash)
MAGIC VOICE: Incoming Transmission from nearby Earth vessel.
MIKE: On hexview
(Hexview shows Earth authorities)
EARTH OFFICER: I represent the United Earth Commonwealth. This is your bill.
JOEL: Bill?
EARTH OFFICER: Yes...when you cut your trench to capture that crook you also
destroyed a priceless Earth landmark....here's a piece of it.
(Officer shows a piece of THE EIFFEL TOWER!!)
CROW: Yikes!
EARTH OFFICER: Pay up......43 dollars and 33 cents.
MIKE: That's it??
EARTH OFFICER: What do you mean, "That's it"? That's a lot of money!
MIKE: Never mind.
(Joel takes $43.33 out of his pocket and ports it to the cops)
EARTH OFFICER (astounded): Well.....uh.....just make sure that never happens
again!
(Communication ends)
MIKE: Well, another day, another adventure!
(Joel sits down on a chair and a small explosion results. Tom and Mike are
laughing heartily!)
TOM (laughing): Whoa! Joel! Easy on the refried beans!
JOEL: Looks like everything is back to normal again.
T H E E N D
PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS
#107 -- Torgo: Knees Of Fate
The Satellite crew meets up with the now-immortal Torgo, who has taken
over as the Master and resides on a very strange planet in the Noor
system!
#108 -- I'm Just Wild About Larry
The Satellite crew finds Larry Erhardt, who escaped his "Earth vs. The
Spider" fate in a time capsule he invented. He is running from Assembly
officials who want him dead!
*****************************************************************************
* From: gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu / kdays1@ithaca.edu *
* *
* Mortimer Gomez Addams (Always look on the bright side of DEATH!!) *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended *
* for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, *
* living or dead, is unintentional. *
* *
* Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and *
* Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1988, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions *
* *
* All other characters created by Kevin M. Days -- Copyright 1994 *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures -- "My My My My Michael" -- C 1994 *
*****************************************************************************
