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Another Night and Day Alliance 177
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. . . . . . . . . . "Impotent"
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . . by Infernal
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Sent on my way, locked in a box, kicked out off the curb and into
the street rush flying like some kind of dodo bird who tried harder. What?
Fuck you. I aint crazy, I tell you that, I aint crazy. I got the raw
end of the stick a couple of times, that's all, and it hurts, it stings
like a poke in the eye does, and it makes you feel raw all over after a
while, like ground beef on the outside, and everything that comes your
way feels like razor burn, when youre stripped naked and chafed by the
shit that people do to you, and the way shit goes down when youre young
and stupid and you dont realize youre digging yourself a grave because
forever is a word in a foreign tongue, something old people say when
they put you in jail, and it makes about as much sense to you as bink
bink bink. What was I saying?
I aint no sissy boy, bud, I aint one of them faggots, but I gotta
wonder once in a moon pie if you forget how to do, you know, do the do,
if you aint have had the chance to do it in a while. I mean, it aint
the same with your hand, you know what I mean, were all grownups here,
right? Am I right? Am I right or am I right? I tell you something,
and if you tell Doug this I swear on the grave of Lyle Alzado that Ill
rip your spine out your asshole, but bucky, I tell you what, I got about
one chick friend left in this wadded-up world, and the last time I seen
her she gave me a hug, and I about panicked, I totally started to sweat
and get weird and wanna go hide someplace, I felt like I stunk and had
bugs and puke on my chin or something. I felt her boobies touch me
through her shirt and her breath on my neck and I thought I was gonna go
nuclear or something, I really did.
So what Im tryin to figure out here is, what the fuck am I supposed
to do if, God fucking forbid, I ever get naked with a chick again? I dont
even wanna tell you how long its been, bucky, but I think my cherry done
regrew, you know what I mean? And I shut up, Im serious here I mean,
it aint even really the sex part, you know? I mean, that shits like
fallin off a bike, rabbits and stuff know how to do that. Im sayin you
know Im no good with this kinda shit Im sayin its being intimate, and
how you wanna be all touchy and hugging and stuff when youre with a girl.
Only I dont know if I could do it, you know? I dunno if I forgot how or
something. Or did I ever even know, you know? Am I just makin shit up in
my head that I thought I did and I thought I said and I didnt really do any
of it, and all those other times I was just a scared little fucking bunny
humping?
Thats the kinda shit I worry about, bucky. You wanna know how come
Im not sayin nothing and why Im in the goddamn bag every time I see ya,
well there ya go. I dunno, its like I feel like Im growing away from
everybody else, you know? Like I used to know people, and care about
em, and know what to say when I ran into em and how to be their
friends and stuff, but now I cant even handle getting a hug from
somebody. Thats too close for me, the fucking human freak, like Im
mutating into some crippled ugly extinct thing right before my own eyes
and I cant even stand my own stench any more, all sweat and booze and
fear. Am I making any sense to you here?
Yeah, yeah, fuck you too. Any more beer in the fridge?
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. anada 177 by Infernal (c)2000 anada e'zine .
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