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Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 103
Mystery Science Theater Adventures Show 103 Reel 1
"The Dark Half"
In the not too distant future, December of '95
Dr. Forrester saw no reason to keep Joel and Mike alive
His experiments complete at last
Severed ties with the satellite real fast
It drifted off to an unknown place
The Satellite Of Love was lost in space!
Joel and Mike were frozen, for over 300 years
The Satellite drifted all the way to the edge of the final frontier
Now keep in mind the SOL was about to meet its end
So a ship crew rescued Joel and Mike along with their robot friends.
ROBOT ROLL CALL
Cambot....Gypsy....Tom Servo....Croooow!!
Now in a refitted SOL, they tour the Milky Way
And think to yourself, "It's just a file," and let the story go where it may!
On MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER ADVENTURES!!!!
(the 7 doors close -- Cambot is playing hide-and-seek with Crow and Servo)
TOM: Oh, Crow, what's the use? We've hidden from Cambot 12 times already and
he's always managed to find us within 2 minutes!
CROW: Well, maybe if there were more places to hide around here we could evade
him! I know! We could hide down in the cargo hold.
(Tom and Crow go down into the cargo hold, which is full of food, old cheese,
old Servo heads, and CAMBOT!!!!)
TOM & CROW: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
(Cambot turns his attention over to the small window in the cargo hold and
indicates that Tom and Servo take a look)
CROW (going to window): What is it?
(The bots see a small spacepod with the Gizmonics "G" logo on it)
TOM: What is it?
CROW: I asked you first.
TOM: Well I asked you second. And 2 is a larger number than 1!
CROW: Well, I don't know what it is, but it looks like it came from Deep 13.
TOM: I'll go get Joel and Mike
(The bots exit the cargo hold and see Joel already on the "bridge")
TOM: Joel, you wouldn't believe what we've just seen!
JOEL: I know...there's a Gizmonics pod out there. But I wonder how long it's
been out there!
GYPSY: Probably as long as we were! Maybe longer!
(Mike enters the "bridge" and sees the hexviewer on. It shows the pod)
MIKE: Hey! That looks like the same kind of pod that brought me to the
Satellite of Love.
GYPSY: Should I port it on board?
JOEL: I don't see why not. You know, it IS a link to our past. Remember the
old days when we would watch cheesy movies and...
TOM: Please, Joel, don't remind us!
(Gypsy ports the pod aboard the SOL)
MIKE: This pod must have been launched before I got here. Notice it says
"Gizmonics" and not "Deep 13"
(Joel sees a note on the pod...not aged since there is no atmosphere in space)
JOEL: It says, "Contained within is the most vile item of all creation. Keep
on ice," and it's signed by Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank.
MIKE: Signed by the mads? Maybe it's one of their inventions gone awry!
GYPSY: Maybe it's a horrible creature!
CROW: Maybe it's Manos: The Hands Of Fate!
TOM: Maybe it's Spam!
JOEL: Servo....Spam??
TOM: Well, you must admit, it's pretty vile.
GYPSY: Hey, guys, there's a planet up ahead!
(Mike turns on the hexviewer and planet Pinkus-VII appears)
JOEL (to planet authorities): This is Joel Robinson, head of the Satellite Of
Love, requesting permission to orbit.
AUTHORITIES (over radio): Permission granted.
JOEL: What say we take a little vacation on Pinkus?
GYPSY: I guess I have to stay behind as usual, right?
MIKE: No.....Gypsy, I'll stay aboard, you have fun for a change.
GYPSY: OK, are you sure you can handle it?
MIKE: Don't worry...I've been on this ship for over two years and...
TOM: You've been here longer than that! Remember you were--
MIKE: Okay, SUBJECTIVELY two years, and I think I know by now how the ship
works!
(Gypsy pilots the ship to orbit and then all but Mike and Cambot port to the
planet. Mike takes a look at the Gizmonics pod)
MIKE: Okay, let's see what the mads couldn't take!
(Mike opens the pod and sees what looks like a copy of Crow, colored black,
and frozen)
MIKE: It looks like Crow....this must be some kind of prototype or something.
But I thought Joel created all the bots.....
(Mike sets the controls in the pod to "thaw". Cambot starts to shake)
Scene II : The planet Pinkus-VII
Joel and the bots are in a town square. Joel has a tourist's guide.
JOEL: And it says here that this structure was built to defend the town
against enemy forces.
TOM: Just looks like a hot-dog stand to me. (Joking) I'd like a dog with all
the trimmings please?
(A man pops out from behind a window in the structure and hands Tom a hot dog
with all the trimmings)
JOEL: Well I'll be! It IS a hot-dog stand!
GYPSY: Then in that case, I'll have a diet soda. Got to watch my figure, you
know!
CROW: Gypsy, you're a robot, your figure doesn't change!
GYPSY: That's all right...I drink it just for the taste of it!
(The man gives Gypsy a diet soda)
JOEL: I'm willing to bet Mike is just kicking himself in the head right now!
This place has a lot of history in it....The Butter Museum, Chocolate
Lake, Candy Mountain...
CROW: Sounds like Super Mario World to me
TOM: Yeah, except Super Mario World's not so cheesy!
JOEL: Now come on you guys, you can learn a lot from this place. According to
the guide, this is what Earth was like in the 22nd century.
(Tom hovers over to the other side of the street where the sidewalk is
littered with numerous frown faces and names underneath them)
TOM: I've never seen anything like this on Earth!
JOEL: Oh, that's the South Pinkus Street Walk Of Shame. It tells the names of
people from all histories who did incredibly stupid things.
(Crow looks at one of them....everyone else joins him)
CROW: Check it out....Ross Perot made the walk of shame!
TOM: Yeah! "Indecisive politicking"
GYPSY: Look at this one! Timothy Van Patten??
JOEL: I believe it...after all, he did agree to do the "Master Ninja" series.
(back at the Satellite. The strange robot is thawed. Mike is reading a book on
Crow. Cambot is still shaking but Mike does not see him)
MIKE: Funny, there's no mention of a prototype here. I wonder what this was.
(Mike switches the robot on)
MIKE: Hello?
(The robot gets up and goes to the SOL's controls)
MIKE: I don't think you want to touch those...Gypsy specially calibrated those
to work while she's away.
(The robot ignores Mike and presses a few buttons...the Satellite moves out of
orbit!)
MIKE: Hey you--
(The robot throws Mike and Cambot against door 7. Cambot is damaged)
MIKE: WHO ARE YOU???!!!!!!
(Back on the planet....)
GYPSY: Oh no! Oh no!
JOEL: What is it, Gypsy?
GYPSY: I lost my link to the Satellite!
TOM: Why do I get the feeling that we're in big trouble?
CROW: Maybe because we are!
JOEL: Now don't panic, guys, maybe Mike just hit a button or something. Let me
see that communicator, Tom.
(Tom gives Joel the communicator)
JOEL (into communicator): Hey, Mike, what's up in there?
(silence)
JOEL: Mike?
(silence)
TOM: I knew it! We're all doomed!
JOEL: Don't panic. We'll just go to the customs office and see if the
Satellite is still in one piece, OK?
(Joel and the bots go to the local customs office)
JOEL: Hello, I'm Joel Robinson, and--
CUSTOMS OFFICIAL: huh? Our readings say you left about 10 minutes ago!
JOEL: Why do you say that?
OFFICIAL: Your ship broke orbit.
GYPSY: Oh NO!!
CROW: I knew it, I knew it! We'll never see Mike or Cambot again!! (cries)
JOEL: Well, where can we rent a ship to find ours?
OFFICIAL: Right over there (points to a "Pinkus Pods" sign)
(Joel and the bots go to Pinkus Pods)
SALESMAN: May I help you?
JOEL: We'd like to rent a pod.
SALESMAN: Well, you came to the right place. I can let you rent this one.
It's a '68 Bria Madara with all the fixins. And it comes to you at
the low price of 15 credits per day plus mileage!
JOEL: Well.....
TOM: We'll take it! If we have to find Mike, why not do it with some style!
(Joel and the bots get into the pod and take off)
CROW: ...hoser!
JOEL: What was that?
CROW: Oh, I was just commenting on the narrator's line. I guess old habits are
hard to break!
TOM: You know what's really sad, I actually miss the old days!
JOEL: Well, we have to find Mike right now.
GYPSY: Let's Goooooo!
(shot of the pod leaving)
(meanwhile, back on the SOL, Mike, holding Cambot, is huddled in a corner
while the robot steers the ship)
MIKE (whispering): Oh, Cambot, this robot has hijacked us and we have no way
of contacting Joel or fixing you!! Wait a minute...I have a
plan....
(Mike stealthily enters the hall with Cambot. They are now betwen doors 6 and
5)
MIKE: I know I put an emergency repair kit somewhere in here.
(Mike searches the walls and finds a small black box)
MIKE: Here it is....I'll have you fixed up in no time, Cambot!
(Mike tinkers with Cambot for a few minutes, then switches him back on. Cambot
resumes shaking)
MIKE: Whoa! What is it, Cambot?
(Cambot enters door 5 and signals Mike to follow. Cambot motions to the
drawbridge (door 4))
MIKE: You want me to lift this or something?
(Cambot nods...Mike lifts door 4. There is a small computer panel there.
Cambot sends a signal which closes doors 5-7)
MIKE: Of course, so the robot won't know what we're doing if he looks. This
looks like a communications station! And a monitor! Cambot, hook to the
monitor!
(Cambot does so)
CROW: No he does not.
(Shut up, Crow!!......back to the story...)
(Cambot shows a series of images....Joel's first encounter with the robot)
MIKE: So Crow took this robot, called Timmy, into his heart and it turned out
to be some kind of dark spectre, so Joel jettisoned it!
(Cambot nods)
MIKE: So I conjecture that it made its way to Deep 13, caused havok, and was
shot into space. Well, Dr. F and Frank were sure consistant, I'll say
that much! Let's see if we can call Joel.
(Mike pushes some buttons)
(back on the pod...A yellow light glows on Tom's chest)
TOM: What's this? Commercial sign?
JOEL: No. Since you have the communicators, I wired you to indicate an
incoming call. Maybe it's from Mike!
GYPSY: I hope so.
(Joel pushes the button on Tom's chest)
JOEL: Hello...
MIKE (over communicator): Joel? Man it's good to hear your voice!
JOEL: What happened? Why did you break orbit?
MIKE: I didn't....That pod from Deep 13 is a robot called Timmy!
CROW: Timmy? Timmy! TIMMY!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!
TOM: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
JOEL: Calm down, you guys! How did you call us?
MIKE: A secret panel under door 4 in the hall. Cambot and I are hiding there!
JOEL: Just tell me your co-ordinates!
MIKE: Cambot will send them to you.
(Joel's pod receives the co-ordinates)
JOEL: OK, just sit tight...we're on our way!
CROW: No no not....TIMMY!!
JOEL: Don't worry. We've defeated him before and we'll defeat him again.
GYPSY: SO LET'S KICK SOME TIMMY ASS!!!!
(Joel, Tom, and Crow look at Gypsy strangely)
GYPSY: Sorry, it just slipped out.
TOM: Joel and Gypsy are right! LET'S GO!!
(the pod continues its course and eventually meets up with the SOL. Timmy
notices the pod and gears up the SOL's new defense weapons to fire)
JOEL: Gypsy, you told me that the Satellite has weaponry now, right?
GYPSY: Yup! Those men from the Dominion installed them.
JOEL: So what are the capabilities of those weapons?
GYPSY: Well, they're pretty strong!
TOM: Gypsy, you picked the wrong time to be vague!
JOEL: Let me put it another way...can they destroy the pod?
GYPSY: Oh, no problem!
CROW: We're doomed!!
(Timmy fires. Clear miss!)
TOM: Oh, I get it! Timmy not only looks like Crow, he AIMS like him too!
CROW: That was not funny
TOM: But it's true...remember our Nerf arrowshot game 5 years before we shut
ourselves down?
CROW: But Gypsy had my arms pinned!
TOM: Face it, you're a bad shot!
(Timmy fires again....slight nick...pod rocks)
GYPSY: We can't take another hit like that again!
JOEL (to Tom and Crow): You guys, cut it out...we have to work together here!
TOM: I have a plan! We'll transport to the Satellite and get Timmy!
CROW: And how do we do that?
TOM: Simple...we'll use the transporters!
JOEL: Uh...Tom...WHAT transporters?
TOM: Oh yeah....right.
GYPSY: Wait a minute....maybe I can access the SOL from here.
(Gypsy tinkers with the pod computer's OS)
GYPSY: IT'S A UNIX SYSTEM! Let's see....telnet sol.deep13.gizmonics..... I'm
in! Here goes.....
(Meanwhile...back on the Satellite)
MIKE: I hope they come soon....
(Door 5 opens and Timmy stands in the doorway with some kind of weapon)
MIKE: Well....goodbye cruel world...
(Timmy falls to the ground revealing Joel and the other bots)
MIKE: JOEL!!
JOEL: Hey Mike...glad to see us?
MIKE: Am I ever!
(minutes later)
TOM: Do you really think it was necessary to melt Timmy in front of the old
rocket 9?
JOEL: Well, melting was the only way to kill the Terminator, wasn't it?
TOM: Yeah. but this was a shabbily built robot!
CROW: Hey, guys! I got some good news!
MIKE: What?
CROW: Pinkus-VII just blew up!
JOEL: That's good news??
TOM: I see...I see...wait...that means...WE GET TO KEEP THE POD!!
GYPSY: Cool
CROW: Yeah! A '68 classic pod with all the extras!
TOM: So where do we go next?
MIKE: I hear Darius-II is nice this time of year!
TOM: Then let's go! And don't spare the ions!
(SOL goes to it's next course)
T H E E N D
PREVIEWS OF COMING ATTRACTIONS...
#104 -- Deep Space 13
The Satellite crew comes across the descendants of Dr. Forrester and TV's
Frank in a remote space station located in the toughest part of the
galaxy.
#105 -- The Gods ARE Crazy
Joel, Mike, and the bots go to planet Darius-II, where they are worshipped
as gods by the natives, who have recently picked up old Comedy Central
broadcasts, but Assembly 'missionaries' would KILL to shatter the natives'
dream!
*****************************************************************************
* From: gu093kmd@icsun.sunnet.ithaca.edu / kdays1@ithaca.edu *
* *
* Mortimer Gomez Addams (Always look on the bright side of DEATH!!) *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures is a work of fan-fiction not intended *
* for profit, but only for fun reading. Any similarity to real persons, *
* living or dead, is unintentional. *
* *
* Characters from Mystery Science Theater 3000 created by Joel Hodgson and *
* Michael J. Nelson. Copyright 1989, 1990, 1993 Best Brains Productions *
* *
* All other characters created by Kevin Days -- Copyright 1994 *
* *
* Mystery Science Theater Adventures -- "A New Beginning" -- C 1994 *
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