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Another Night and Day Alliance 253
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' anada "A Reply To A Reply" 08 jan '
' 253 by Phairgirl 2001 '
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Thank you, Pseudoficial, for pointing out how self-destructive I am
and how I exist only to make myself miserable.
For those who have read "Some Advice" by Mr. Pseudoficial, you would
note his breakdown of my attitude and/or personality, as well as giving me
simple solutions for making my life better. Even more interesting is that
his file is meant as a rebuttal to "Boy Meets Girl" by .no-one. which I did
not write. Yet somehow, it all comes back to me somehow.
I know who I am. I made positively no bones about who I am, either.
I have problems, but I'm alright, by and large. I've improved a lot since
the couple of years ago that I wrote file upon file and e-mail upon e-mail
about being stuck in ridiculous depression. Oh, sure, everyone has bad days
and good days, I am by no means super-perfectly happy or anything. But for
the most part, I am very much in control of everything I say and do.
I am a happy person. Cynical, bitchy, sarcastic, and argumentative,
but nonetheless happy. I'm HAPPY being all of those things. I dislike
people, I'm intolerant of stupidity and I don't like bothering to explain
myself when someone else doesn't grasp what I'm trying to say, even if I'm
making sense only to myself. I would be perfectly happy for the rest of my
life if nobody would bother me. Okay, so I wouldn't be PERFECTLY happy, I'd
need a fuck on the side or something, but that's neither here nor there.
And I've never written about it, but I'm in a relationship. I don't
like to talk about that sort of thing. It probably also is a good
explanation as to why I haven't written much in a while, because happiness
is not a good motivation for me. I'm not mushy and lovelorn. You'll never
hear me crying to "Save the Best For Last" by Vanessa Williams and you'll
never see me collapse in tears while watching "Sleepless in Seattle." Okay,
I fucking cried at the end of "Titanic" the first time I saw it, but I'm
striking that from the record.
As far as the explanation of my emotional state... well, there was
one major flaw in your theory. You mention that I don't see myself yet,
that all of my over-opinionation and witchiness is a front, and that I need
to stop putting up this shield to see my true self so that I can love
others. The truth is, I'm well aware what is behind my cynicism and
mouthiness and downright coldness. I'm perfectly comfortable with it, too.
But if I see no need to express it, why should I? Do I really care what
anyone else thinks about my bad attitude? Sure, it may drive people away.
That I really don't mind, given that I would be much happier if the human
race suddenly went nearly extinct. I firmly believe that if someone wants
to take the time to chill with me and get beyond all that, they'll find all
of the other stuff.
As for the rest of your file, I'm in complete agreement. I'm quite
happy with Anada as a whole, and I am glad that people everywhere put their
thoughts and emotions into writing. I want people to understand each other,
I want people to laugh together, and I want people to learn and educate
others. Communication rules. Now if only natural selection were more
picky.
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` anada253 by Phairgirl (c) 2001 anada e'zine `
