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y0lk-105
_the plight of the lonely and ignored,
and their interactions with people who
are PERFECTLY FINE, thank you_
- by styx
dear you,
oh, isn't it horrid? you have a conversation with somebody *once* and
suddenly they feel like they have every right to have further interactions
with you because they can.
there's this regular that comes by my work (a gas station) once a week
(on friday nights at approximately 9:35p.m.) and after seeing my face in the
booth for the hundredth time he decides that it's "about time we get
acquainted!" i did not invite him to talk to me. infact, there's very
little about me that screams "oh, do please be my friend! i'm a great guy!"
i'm a dirty, unshaven patchouli-wearin' pseudo-hippie, okay? leave me
alone.
so anyway, this guy introduces himself as "dave! i'm dave!" and
proceeds to wait for me to ask him for his name. i didn't ask him because i
do not care what his name is. i didn't mean to give him a straight answer
when he finally asked me for it. i don't know what came over me, but i told
him my name in the hopes that he'd be satisfied enough to walk back to his
truck so i could continue reading my book. so now he knows my name. that
means that whenever he comes by my station, he calls me by it and is under
this strange impression that we are great pals.
"matt! hey! how you doing?"
"i'm perfectly fine, thank you."
"great! so.. how has your night been?"
"fine."
ETCETERA. this man is very disturbed.. or so i thought.
i've come to realize that most everybody is like this dave guy and i am
afraid.
i do not live in a big town. there are 4 gas stations here, which
means that roughly one out of four of the driving populace here knows me as
"that guy behind the glass." they feel perfectly justified in striking
conversations with me. there's nothing wrong with being friendly and
there's nothing wrong with small talk. what's wrong about it is assuming i
give half a fuck about you or your kids or the front page of the newspaper
or your latest car troubles or why the gas prices are high or what happened
at the 7-11 last night. oh, there are the nice customers that i run into
outside of work. they give me polite nods or they say hi and that's great.
i *like* that, just like any normal human being would. hell, it's nice to
be known and liked.
it is not nice to be interrupted from your daily errands and routines
by somebody who needs a friend. i'm not the guy for you, believe me, dave!
i can't make your day any better no matter what i do because i don't care.
i'm a horrible conversationalist. i don't like my job and i don't like
being reminded of it.
the things these people like dave come up with are ridiculous.
default ice-breaker #1 - "hey, i know you! shouldn't you be at work?
hehehe!"
default ice-breaker #2 - "hey, i know you! think you could hook me up
with some free gas next time i come in?
hehehe!"
default ice-breaker #3 - "hey, i know you! so, does it get boring
sitting in a booth all night? hehehe!"
WHY YES, IT GETS VERY BORING, STUPID.
did you know that if your adrenaline pumps fast enough and hard enough
and you're smoking a cigarette at the same time, you can actually make the
entire universe implode unintentionally?
one thing i have learned is that if you are on a first-name basis with
somebody, you are automatically obligated to be cordial with them. it's
like in those old medieval texts about demons. if you know their name, you
can control them. that idea wasn't so far-fetched, you know. once they say
"hey matt!" i am trapped in a painful, nauseating interaction and there's
not a damned thing i can do about it. if i tell them to drop dead, they
will say "what's wrong, matt?" see? they know my name and then i feel like
shit. but if i hadn't told them my name, and i tell them to drop dead, then
they'll say "what's wrong?" see? they don't know my name. now they're
much easier to handle.
so anyway, this is my proposition.
stop talking to people and stay home. all of you.
thanks for your time and shut up.
sincerely,
styx.
