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y0lk-086
.a[The Life Of A Demented Sysop]a.
.a[by Spoony(aka spoonman of Australia)]a.
Yes! I am a self-confessed sysop. What is so special about that? Well I
was born a sysop! You see there are two types of sysops, wannabe sysops and
born sysops (like me).
Wannabe sysops are usually little 14year old kids trying to scam some new
warez, or middleaged newish-to-modemers trying to make sense of their worth-
less lives or corporate minded losers trying to make a profit. Their boards
usually close (unless they are making a profit) within 6months for many
reasons, none of which are worth discussing here as wannabe sysop's boards
should be avoided at all costs.
Born sysops live for their boards and callers, pleasing them is like ple-
asing themselves, every call is like an injection of life and if the board
happens to close down it always comes back up. A born sysop cannot live life
to its fullest unless he/she is running a BBS.
A sysops life in general is a thankless one! Yes we do live for our users.
If I hear that a couple of users are looking for info on something or some
files on a topic then first thing that I do is jump on the net and find it to
add to the filebase. Then theres my file binges every couple of days (or at
the very least weekly) when I hit the net or other boards and leech 20 to 100
(sometimes more!) new files, just so my users will be happy!
And if any users has a suggestion a born sysop will more often than not
follow up and implement it. Geez we have no life!
Then there are the users that logon and use up their download limits and
logoff, what? no uploads? no messages? no actual interaction with the sysop or
other users? thats right! a leech! grr!
And there is nothing worse than to come home in the afternoon (or wake up
in the morning) only to find that their beloved board has been crashed for
hours and nobody has been able to call and logon! ARGH!!
Another thing that pisses off sysops.... actually thats enough of what can
and always does piss off a sysop as the list could go on forever! How about I
divulge some little known secrets about how your sysop gets back at annoying
users? these are generations old tricks that have been passed down from sysop
to sysop!
Things that sysops like doing (usually to annoying users or any user, it
all depends on how bored the sysop is!):
-Aborting downlods
-Editing the archive that someone is downloading (ie. with edit) and
corrupting it (works best on BIG archives!)
-Hitting pause during a download or anytime while the user is online
so the user thinks the BBS has crashed... BBS's do not REALLY crash
its just the sysop on the pause key!
-Picking up the telephone, yelling, and hangin up. This will either
give the user a severe case of line noise and in 30seconds or so
everything is back to normal or it will simply give line noise and
hangup.
-Posting the users details on newsgroups or in iRC (phone numbers,
real names, sexual prefences etc :)
-Posting messages to and from users (ie. setting them up).
-Just reading private mail, a sysop can get alot of incriminating
information this way!
-Hanging up on a user just before they do soemthing important (such
as replying to a message or downloading a file they wanted). This
not only makes the user call back and waste more money but it also
increases the total system calls!
-Many other things depending on the type of BBS software are at the
disposal of the sysop (such as line noise generators and so on).
So next time you are on a BBS and something strange happens or you start
getting phone calls at 3am look no further than your favourite sysop, we are
ruthless bastards so watch out!
By the way if you would like to experience any of these tricks give my
board a ring on +61-8-2810568 or after August on +61-8-82810568 or why not
email me at spoonman@tolstoi.saccii.net.au (send me your favourite text file!)
and checkout my homepage at http://tolstoi.saccii.net.au/~spoonman (if your
bored it may amuse you for 5minutes!).
But anyway, cya later and keep y0lking!
Spoony.
--(index)-------------------------------------------------------------------
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$ ## $ title $ author $
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$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle $
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother $ sphrog $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky $ jamesy $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears $ murmur $
$ 77 $ horror story $ oeb $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re $ s.sheep $ $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger $ tao $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600 $ d.cheez $
$ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist $ taraxis $
$ 83 $ a generic y0lk file $ mogel $
$ 84 $ cultural inclination? $ m.head $
$ 85 $ australia through the eyes of a spoon $ spoony $
$ 86 $ the life of a demented sysop $ spoony $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--[infoez]--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is a crazed oriental, looking for revenge, but not a y0lk member.
heil creed. <HEIL!# HEIL!#>
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet. type "@y0lk (number)" for y0lks.
_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isn't that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
