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y0lk-092
--(y0lk #92)------------------------------------------------------------------
the story of carla (mogel)
--(woo!# mogel!#)-------------------------------------------------------------
carla had problems.
there were very few things carla was capable of doing, or feeling. carla
was incapable of feeling love, as her dad had molested her as a young girl.
he would rape her on a nightly basis, and shout words at her, meant only
to degrade her, such as "worthless" and "silly looking."
carla was also incapable of holding down a steady job. ever since her first
boss tried to cop a feel, she couldn't trust male authorities, and since
everyone knows males run the world, she gave up hope of ever earning an
honest living.
sometimes, if she tried hard enough, she could ALMOST belive in God, but
never quite really. on her first trip to church, the pastor tried to
convince the crowd that God was an orange oompa loompa who sold hot dogs at
Wrigley Field. If that wasn't enough, when she went to confession, the
priest could not help himself from laughing hysterically when she confided
in him that she had often pee'd her pants during silent reading time in
kindergarden.
carla had many problems. but there was ONE thing she was good at, and that
was baking cookies. she had won every bake-off contest she had ever entered.
well, that is until the incident. she was competing in a bake off, and one
of the more sneaky competitors had slipped rat poison in her dough, causing
her to be disqualified and taken to jail.
i once met carla. there was only one thing i could think of to say ...
"sucks to be you."
--(phnotes)-------------------------------------------------------------------
wow. that mogel guy.
FEAR HIM.
i did it wrong. woo-hoo, i know. i'm a *rebel*.
--(index)---------------------------------------------------------------------
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle $
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother $ sphrog $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky $ jamesy $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears $ murmur $
$ 77 $ horror story $ oeb $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re $ s.sheep $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger $ tao $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600 $ d.cheez $
$ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist $ taraxis $
$ 83 $ a generic y0lk file $ mogel $
$ 84 $ cultural inclination? $ m.head $
$ 85 $ australia through the eyes of a spoon $ spoony $
$ 86 $ the life of a demented sysop $ spoony $
$ 87 $ little johnny carpenter $ franman $
$ 88 $ phan male $ ideal $
$ 89 $ bighurt is back!# $ bighurt $
$ 90 $ the discovery channel $ sphrog $
$ 91 $ fruitopia caps!@#$ $ bighurt $
$ 92 $ the story of carla $ mogel $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
-=[infoez]=------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!#
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
[clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.]
heil creed. <HEIL!# HEIL!#>
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp://ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet. type "@y0lk (number)" for y0lks.
_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isn't that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
OR!# coming soon! micro radio!# a y0lk hour-of-fun ON THE AIR!#
(sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.)
don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
