y0lk-125

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Y0LK

 · 5 years ago

  

--(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
y0lk #125: "damn cool nick" - by Mutter 

 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
 

 
<7:15:40 pm -- direct approach> 

 
 

 
*DarkCrow_* ummm...you're using my nick. 

 
*DarkCrow* what? 

 
*DarkCrow_* you're using my irc nick and, if you don't mind I'd like it back. 

 
*DarkCrow_* change your nick 

 
*DarkCrow_* hello?! 

 
*DarkCrow* no 

 
*DarkCrow_* but that's my nick -- if you think you can just come along 

 
and steal it you're wrong 

 
*DarkCrow* no I'm not. 

 
*DarkCrow_* I had it first!#@$ 

 
*DarkCrow_* HELLO>?!@# 

 
*DarkCrow* yeah? 

 
*DarkCrow_* gimme back my nick 

 
*DarkCrow* no 

 
 

 
 

 
<7:27:21 pm -- social engineering approach> 

 
 

 
*Steveeee* Hello. I'm the admin of the ISP you are using. Could you 

 
please change your nick? It seems the nick "DarkCrow" has been causing 

 
our irc server to fall out of sync with the space-time continuum. 

 
*Steveee* Hello? 

 
*DarkCrow* I know it's you. 

 
*DarkCrow_* FUCK YOU#!@(!($*(! 

 
 

 
 

 
<7:52:58 pm -- rational approach> 

 
 

 
*DarkCrow_* i've used that nick exclusively for 3 years. 

 
*DarkCrow_* EVERYONE knows that nick is mine 

 
*DarkCrow_* It's just proper NETIQUETE!@# 

 
*DarkCrow* fuck you. 

 
 

 
<8:02:47 pm -- sympathy approach> 

 
 

 
*DarkCrow_* Man, you don't understand. irc is my fucking life. I'm 42 and 

 
live in a basement. Please. People identify me only as DarkCrow.  You're 

 
not just stealing my nick. You're stealing my identity. My life sucks. 

 
I'm a pathetic loser and the only joy I get is from being identified on 

 
irc as DarkCrow. Please. 

 
*DarkCrow* shut up. 

 
*DarkCrow* loser. 

 
 

 
<8:07:05 pm -- offensive approach> 

 
 

 
*DarkCrow_* fucking bastard 

 
*DarkCrow_* fucking shithead bastard 

 
*DarkCrow_* your mother's a whore 

 
*DarkCrow_* and you're a big fucking asshole 

 
*DarkCrow_* FUCKING SHIT MOTHER FUCKER 

 
*DarkCrow_* BITCH$()(*@!$*$*$*(*@$# 

 
*DarkCrow* now you're definitely not getting it back 

 
 

 
< ... > 

 
 

 
Irving stumbles out of the basement which reeks of stale potato chips 

 
and beer.  He walks out into the sunlight of a new morning. For the 

 
first time he sees the beauty of the world apart from a computer screen. 

 
Maybe he could use this nick theft as an ... opportunity to start over 

 
-- to experience life to its fullest! 

 
 

 
 

 
 

 
<the final approach> 

 
 

 
* knock * knock * knock * 

 
 

 
"Hold on." 

 
 

 
* KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK * 

 
 

 
"Here I come... hello." 

 
"Hi. Does Mr. John Franson live here?" 

 
"Yeah, I'm John Franson. Can I help you?" 

 
"Are you on irc right now as 'DarkCrow?'" 

 
"umm... yeah." 

 
 

 
* BANG.BANG.BANG.BANG.BANG. * 

 
 

 
"..." 

 
 

 
* BANG * 

 
 

 
(... maybe not.) 

 
 

 
Moral of the story: 

 
 

 
  a) some people take irc *way* too seriously 

 
  b) don't sell guns to people who go on irc 

 
  c) GIVE BACK CREED'S NICK, BITCH-ASS IMPERSONATOR!@#&^*%^@%^&@! 

 
  d) morals are stupid 

 
 

 
D!