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Saxonia Issue 01 Part 027
Jokes
Put toghether for Saxonia #1 by Rumrunner/VOID
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There were two neighbours that hated each other very much.
This resulted in Johnson pissing on Anderson's mailbox.
Anderson noticed this, brought out his shotgun and hit Johnson
right in his pride.
Johnson woke up at the hospital later, and asked a doctor :
- will I be allright?
- yes, replied the doctor, -I'll send you to a friend of mine.
- is he a good doctor?
- he's not a doctor at all, he's a fluteplayer and he can
teach you how to take a leak without pissing in you face...
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What's the difference between a giant turd and a traffic policeman?
- There are braking marks in front of the turd
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A woman entered a sex shop for the first time.
- Do you have dildos here, she asked.
- Yes, replied the man behind the counter, - they are over there.
- I'll have the red one there, then.
- I'm sorry but I can't sell you the fire extinguisher.
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- How tall are you?
- Tall enough to reach the ground.
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- Who's that corpse in your locker.
- Hmm, must be the winner of last year's hide and seek game.
------
Ad in the newspaper :
Parachut for sale. Only used once, never opened.
Needs cleaning.
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A man looking like a star from an action film entered the bar.
He tried to get a girl there to join him, but none of them were
interested. Then, an old man, stinking of whisky and sweat came in,
and left with the best looking girl there after only a few minutes.
The first man asked the bartender :
- What does he do to get these girls interested.
- Nothing special, he sits next to them and licks his own
eyebrows.
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There were three computershops lying next to eachother.
The one on the left put up a sign saying : The best offers
The one on the right put up a sign saying : The lowest prices.
Then, the one in the middle put up a sign saying : Main Entrance
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There was a young and an elderly man working together for the gas company.
After finishing their work for the day, they decided they should find
out which one of the who could run the fastest. After half a minute,
an old lady ran past both of them. The young man shouted :
- How can you run this fast?
- Oh, if I see a man from the gas company running for his life,
I'm not stupid enough to stay and watch, she answerred.
------
A car enthusiast had just bought a Plymouth Superbird 1970, equipped
with the mandatory 426 cubic inch hemi engine. With such power it
isn't easy to stay within the speed limits, so after a short while,
he is stopped by the police.
Police : -You were going too fast there, let me see your drivers licence.
Car enthusiast : -I dont't have one.
Police : -Let me see the car registration then.
Car enthusiast : -Preferably not. It's in the glove compartment together
with my gun and the right arm of the man I shot yesterday. The rest of him
is in the trunk.
Then the police got busy, and not long after, there were loads of police
cars and armed policemen at the place.
The police captain walked over to the car enthusiast.
Police captain : -I have heard you don't have a drivers licence.
Car enthusiast : -Sure I have, here it is.
Police captain : -Hmm, yes, could you open the glove compartment, please.
Car enthusiast : -Sure, look all you want.
Police captain : -Strange, would you mind opening the trunk?
Car enthusiast : -I don't mind at all, take your time looking.
The police captain didn't find anything and finally said :
- We got a call from the man who stopped you telling you had a gun and a
human arm in your glove compartment, and a corpse in your trunk.
The car enthusiast replied :
- WHAT!! I guess he even said I was speeding then.....
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Why do we mess up exams?
A year has 365 days for you to study.
After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days
left.
There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to
work so there are only 263 days left.
We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to
122 days so now we're left with 141 days.
If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are
gone, so we are left with 126 days.
We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in
this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in
our year.
We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family,
that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81
days.
Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year,
hence you are only left with 46 days.
Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are
only left with 6 days.
Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left
with 3 days in the year to study!
Let's say you only go out for 2 days! You are left
with 1 day!
But that 1 day is your birthday... so...
Good luck to everyone on your exams.
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A lookout was sitting in his high tower when he suddenly felt hungry.
He called for a pizza. Soon, the delivery man came with the pizza.
Lookout : can you throw the pizza up?
Deliveryman: I have to eat it first then.
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