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y0lk-095
---(y0lk #95)----------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk #95: fish pillows, mothers, and limericks
---(y0lk #95)----------------------------------------------------------------
<HEAD>
y0lk.
we's a good zine.
</HEAD>
header by me... spacephrog (sphrog)(sphr0g)(5phr0g)
varying levels of radness...
-=ð[Opening Riddle]ð=--------------------------------------------------------
jane ordered something at a restraunt that had five a's.
what was it?@!# (answer at end of y0lk. if i forget, it's
not my fault... for some reason)
-=ð[hey sphrog, these divider thingies seem more r4d than usual...]ð=--------
that's because i found one of those ass-key chart things that tells me which
keys to press to become more and more 31337.
-=ð[poetry corner]ð=---------------------------------------------------------
my room has a futon in it
it has three stuffed fish on it
it's not because i'm psycho
or because i love fish
it's because my mom's psycho
and she got them for me.
when she got them, i said "thanks mom, thanks a lot for the fish."
one night, i heard the fish walking around
but it wasn't because i'm psycho
or because they were walking around
it's because my mom was walking around downstairs
and i was hearing her.
if you arrange the fish the right way, it looks like they're having sex.
..fin..
-=ð[two zine guys outside blimpie]ð=-----------------------------------------
namely me and phorce
it starts to rain
phorce: raining.
sphrog: yup.
phorce: what's all this water falling from the sky?
sphrog: yeah... what the hell is this?
phorce: someone stop it.
sphrog: man... someone's gonna get hurt.
phorce: wakk.
sphrog: it's a conspiracy i tell you.
phorce: nods.
sphrog: those people in washington prolly have something to do with this.
phorce: yup.
sphrog: i disapprove.
-=ð[dogs have penises too]ð=-------------------------------------------------
most things that are male have penises. girl dogs don't have penises.
-=ð[convo with the momz]ð=---------------------------------------------------
report cards came home... this conversation inevitably ensues:
momz: hmm... c- in math? what's goin' on?
mike: uhm...
momz: "is inconsistant in effort?" what does THAT mean?
mike: that means that i don't produce a consistant amount of effort.
momz: that's not good... C+ in HISTORY!@?# what happened?
mike: she's a rediculous grader... that was the highest grade in the class!@#
(translation: this is an outright lie, but i always have to use this
excuse at least once.)
momz: why don't i believe that?
mike: coughcuzit'saliecoughcough
momz: what was that?
mike: something stuck in my throat.
.. pause ..
momz: you need to spend less time on the computer.
mike: ugh... here we go again... (translation: i'm a loser... it's my job, and
nothing you say will change my mind.)
momz: and you need to go get help in math... (translation: you're dumb as a
rock... get helpz)
..phone rings..
momz: (into phone) hello? dunno... (to me) "mike, are you doing anything
friday night? the smiths (name has been changed) want you to babysit."
mike: i'm uhm... going to great adventure that day, dunno when I'm gettin
home. (translation: of course not... i'm a loser. i'm getting home
at six thirty, but you don't know that, and i don't wanna babysit...)
momz: (into phone) well... talk to him ::hands the phone to me::
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=phone convo=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=--==-=-=
mike: yeallow...
smith: yeah... i was wondering if you wanted to babysit friday night...
mike: welp.. i'm going to great adventure that day during school, and I don't
know what time i'm gettin' home.
smith: aah... so you don't know if you're getting home before 8:30?
mike: nope... and I don't wanna commit... (translation: i'm getting home at
6:30, and I don't wanna babysit)
smith: okay... well... thanks anyway.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=end phone convo=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
momz (who was listening): you DON'T KNOW WHEN YOU'RE GETTING HOME!@?# it
CAN'T be too late...
mike: they wanted me to go over at 6:00.
momz: so what are you gonna do when you get home, go on the computer?
mike: dunno.
momz: i'm serious. (translation: you're pathetic... get a fuckin' life)
mike: i might go to this ska thing... (translation: "i might MAKE SOMETHING UP
to make you feel better.")
momz: right....
.. i walk upstairs ..
-=ð[limericks]ð=-------------------------------------------------------------
..limerick 1
there once was a man named metcalf
he walked through the fields with giraffe
he fell on his face
puked all o'er the place
don't know what else rhymes with metcalf
..limerick 2
the man used to rob the house
he robbed it of all the mouse
he ate all the food
'cuz he was real rude
got DAMN was this guy a louse
..limerick 3
corn is the food of the gods
indians think corn's from pods
'ctually that's a lie
they know more than i
'cuz they are it since they were tots
(what's that? tots doesn't rhyme with gods? well... FUCK YOU)
..limerick 4
bitch bitch fuck a real fat duck
you asshole you fucking fat fuck
go suck my left nut
you useless slut
i can't believe you're alive, you fucking moron... you deseve to be shot
end
---(samurai notes)-----------------------------------------------------------
crazy spacephrog (mmccurdy@nexxus.novasys.com) kid.
in y0lk news: creed is away (florida maybe). i am in charge of y0lk for a
few days. woo. the power!#!#
---(THE OFFICIAL Y0LK HTML IS UP!##!)----------------------------------------
other y0lk news: visit http://www.openix.com/~phorce/y0lk/ for the official
y0lk html!#
---(index!#)-----------------------------------------------------------------
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle $
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother $ sphrog $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky $ jamesy $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears $ murmur $
$ 77 $ horror story $ oeb $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re $ s.sheep $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger $ tao $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600 $ d.cheez $
$ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist $ taraxis $
$ 83 $ a generic y0lk file $ mogel $
$ 84 $ cultural inclination? $ m.head $
$ 85 $ australia through the eyes of a spoon $ spoony $
$ 86 $ the life of a demented sysop $ spoony $
$ 87 $ little johnny carpenter $ franman $
$ 88 $ phan male $ ideal $
$ 89 $ bighurt is back!# $ bighurt $
$ 90 $ the discovery channel $ sphrog $
$ 91 $ fruitopia caps!@#$ $ bighurt $
$ 92 $ the story of carla $ trip $
$ 93 $ a joltcola y0lk $ joltcola$
$ 94 $ spinsane's story $ spinsane$
$ 95 $ fish pillows, mothers, and limericks $ sphrog $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--(infoez)-------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!#
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
[clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.]
heil creed. <HEIL!# HEIL!#>
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp://ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet. type "@y0lk (number)" for y0lks.
_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isn't that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
OR OR OR!@ the *official* y0lk html is at http://www.openix.com/~phorce/y0lk/
OR!# coming soon! micro ("pirate") radio!# a y0lk hour-of-fun ON THE AIR!#
(sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.)
don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
