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y0lk-100
"$$$$ gggg
$$$$ .s&$P""Y$&s. $$$$ $$$$ $$$$
$$$$ $$" "$$ $$$$ $$$$ __ $$$$ ,s$$P' ---.
.--. $$$$ - $$bgd$$ . $$$$ $$$$ s s$&s$$"$"`9$&s. '$$$s
,- s$$$ $$$$ " $$$$$$$ " +$$$$ " "$ " $$$$$$s. $$$$ $$$$b
| d$$$$. `Y$$bssd$$$`Y$$bssd$$P' bgd$bssd$$P'$tMM $$$$ $$$$$ :
| $$$$$ $sss $P' , , . $$$$ $$$$$ |
: $$$$$ $$P'""""" s$$$$ .s&$P""Y$&s. .s&$P""Y$&s. `'7$ $$$$P |
. Y$$$$s $$" ,s$$$$$$ $$$$ s $$$$ $$$$ s $$$$ $ss. $$$" '
"$$$$$$$$$$$ss- $$$$ $$$$ " $$$$ $$$$ ' $$$$ ' - ----'
`--------- - - $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ ~ $$$$ '
$$$$ `Y$$bssd$$P' `Y$$bssd$$P'
+ ------------- - - "the beginning of the end" - - -------------- +
by: peewee, the hacker chicken
(with a special appearance from pip the angry youth!)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"so, uh, yeah."
"word."
"who's missing?"
"joe is."
<knock knock>
"there, that must be him."
"wait, we have to ask him for his password to be sure it's him."
"that's the problem with chickens. we all look the same."
"hello, stranger. login?"
"well, i'm joe."
"say the s3kr1t c0d3z."
"SYSTEM"
"uh, ok. it's him."
"so guys, what's up?"
"well, we gotta talk about the sikr1t pr0j3kt of taking over that
evil 'zine shamefully called 'y0lk'."
<woo-hoo-hoo! fuck y0lk! burn it down!>
"calm down, brother chickens - for we have a plan!# as you know, we
had projected on accomplishing this before y0lk #100, and this will be
done!"
<yay!# death to y0lk!#>
"shh!@ so, um, well, we decided to ask our expert h4qur, peewee, to
hack creed's account, so that we could get sikr1t files & information."
"but, um, what'll be the point?"
"what'll be the point to *what*?"
"hacking creed's account .. i mean, it'll make a good hoe #90 parody
file, but apart from that, it'd just be as easy if we'd just burn the houses
of y0lk members down?"
"hmm. yeah, i must admit that i haven't thought of that."
<confusion amoungst the hacker chickens>
"well, the thing is, peewee is already hacking the account as we
speak, so uh .."
<awkward silence>
" .. SO FUCKING WHAT. WE'LL BURN THEIR HOUSES DOWN ANYWAY!@#!#@"
<woo-hoo! die, y0lk! die y0lk, die!# chickens rools in
ninety-six!#>
"word, chickenz. we'll take it all over!@## they will feer the meat.
WE WILL SHOW THEM THAT MEAT IS MURDER, GOD DAMN IT. HAHAHAHAHA!@#!#$"
---
trying 247.103.1.33 ..
connected to y0lk.net.
escape character is '^]'.
y0lkix version 5.01.
login: creed
password: hail_santa
############################################################################
### ###
### $$$ $$$ $$$"$$. ###
### $$$ $$$ ,$$"$$. $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ ,$$"$$. $$$sss ###
### $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ ###
### `$$s$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$s$$' $$$ $$$ $$$s$$$ $$$ ###
### sss $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ss. $$$ $$$ $$$ sss $$$ $$$ ###
### $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ ###
### `$$$$$' `$$s$$' `$$s$$' $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ `$$s$$' `$$s$$' ###
### ###
### welcum 2 yolk.net! unauthorized axiz prohibited! ###
### send mail to root@y0lk.net. ###
### ###
############################################################################
y0lk% mail
you have 4 new e-mails waiting, creed.
> 1 weiner@t0c.net Sat Jun 29 16:15 51/2126 DUDE THIS SUX!!!!!!!!!!
2 aym2@thorn.net Mon Jul 8 22:21 26/1055 alt.youth.media
3 eerie@dto.net Tue Jul 9 01:32 30/1088 bear my child
4 mogel@dto.net Tue Jul 9 03:10 30/1088 re: like, i'm tired
& 1
message #1:
Date: Sat, 29 Jun 1996 16:15:46 +1000 (EST)
From: Weiner [t0c/y0lk] <weiner@t0c.net>
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: DUDE THIS SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HI CREED. THIS IS WEINER. THE GUY WHO BROKE IN MOGEL'S APARTMENT &
WROTE Y0LK #84.
I KNOW YOU DON'T READ THE Y0LK SUBMISSIONS, SO I GUESS MY WARNING
MESSAGE JUST FELL UPON DEAF EARS. WELL, NOW I SURE HOPE YOU READ YOUR EMAIL,
BECAUSE *GREAT DANGER* IS COMING.
THE HACKER CHICKENS HAVE FOUND ME. THEY KNOW WHERE I AM. THEY KNOW
THAT I *KNOW* ABOUT THEIR SECRET PLANS OF TAKING OVER Y0LK & THE ENTIRE
UNIVERSE. (see how i use those ampersand thingies? that's 'cause i love
mogel so much. he uses them in all his files.) THEY TRACKED ME DOWN USING
UNKNOWN HAQING T00LZ & I KNOW THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME SOON.
CREED, LISTEN TO ME. THE CHICKENS ARE NOT A BAD Y0LK INSIDE JOKE!@
THEY ARE TRULY WILLING TO TAKE OVER HUMANITY & STUFF!!@!!
AAARGH!@!@ I HEAR THEIR GROWLS!!@ THEY'RE NEAR MY ROOM DOOR NOW ..
I THINK THEY KILLED MY PARENTS!@!@ THOSE CHICKENS ARE TOTALLY *SADISTIC*!!
THEY ATE ALL OF MY RAMEN!@@ MY LIFE IS IN YOUR HANDS, CREED, IN YOUR
HANDS ONFF$#!456
6455567
THEY 4
Q5ARE AATGH
H;FGH
owwwwwwwwwwwwwww w w w w
G
& 2
message #2:
Date: Mon, 8 Jul 1996 22:21:47 -0500
From: aym2@thorn.net
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: alt.youth.media
Dear YOlkmasta,
I've been browsing yOlks, sampling a few issues and have really enjoyed it.
YOlks is very refreshing and the writing is totally insane. I like it a lot
and plan on visiting again to read more.
I'm interested in speaking with you regarding alt.youth.media, an exhibition
that The New Museum of Contemporary Art, New York is presenting in
Septmeber. The exhibition will look at youth culture through an examination
of alternative publications, videos, and on-line projects. The exhibition
will include screening areas where videos will be continuously viewed,
computers for websites and CD ROM projects and a zine reading and publishing
area.
I would enjoy getting in touch with you to discuss yOlks and how it could be
included in the exhibition. Please contact me at 212-XXX-XXXX or send me
e-mail at aym2@thorn.net. I look forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
Melanie Franklin
Curatorial Administrator, The New Museum of Contemporary Art
& 3
message #3:
Date: Tue, 9 Jul 1996 01:32:46 +1000 (EST)
From: eerie-kun <eerie@dto.net>
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: bear my child
creed, will you bear my child?
=333
"i wanna be the girl with the most angst"
& 4
message #4:
Date: Tue, 9 Jul 1996 03:10:44 +1000 (EST)
From: mogel <mogel@dto.net>
To: creed@y0lk.net
Subject: re: like, i'm tired
>> do0d! m0gel! please give me a t-file for y0lk #100! i need you!
>> all the submissions i have gotta are total crap!
ok, creed-baby. how about you let me & eerie write the whole issue
of y0lk #100 by ourselves?
i think that's brilliant! ok? ok?! ok!
la la later,
* mighty mogel
* doomed to obscurity head editor - doomed@boicenet.com
* i like big butts.
& q
mail saved.
y0lk% ls
1daywarez 3kid-suck_01.jpg 3kid-suck_02.jpg
3kid-suck_03.jpg 3kid-suck_04.jpg 3kid-suck_05.jpg
3kid-suck_06.jpg 3kid-suck_07.jpg 3kid-suck_08.jpg
3kid-suck_09.jpg 3kid-suck_10.jpg 3kid-suck_11.jpg
3kid-suck_12.jpg 3kid-suck_13.jpg 3kid-suck_14.jpg
3kid-suck_15.jpg 3kid-suck_16.jpg 3kid-suck_17.jpg
3kid-suck_18.jpg dto-012.txt submissions
y0lk% cd submissions
y0lk% ls
creed_is_in_love fuck_zines hehehehe
irc-mom.txt today topten
y0lk% cat topten
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
`\ O__. .__O /'
<' "top 10 methods to overkill a joke" `>
_/`\_ as toldeth by ideal _/'\_
Wow, I'm bored. So bored that i decided to write another y0lk
article. So, here I am sitting in the back of a car, listening to some
Smashing Pumpkins (they rule! best fuckin' band around), driving up to the
dog tracks to do some underage betting! Anyhow, I was reading some COOL
text files and I got this GREAT idea for one.
TOP TEN METHODS TO OVERKILL A JOKE
10. Repeat the joke.
9. Repeat again!
8. Repeat it one more time!
7. Repeat it again!
6. You should probably repeat this joke again for the full affect.
5. Try repeating the joke again.
4. Repeat it!
3. At this point, you've probably already overkilled it hehehe!# :)
2. Repeat the joke again!
1. HeheHEheHEhehe :) :) Creed Rulez! Yolk Rox!
Peace out.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
y0lk% rm topten
y0lk% cat irc-mom.txt
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
---(woo)--------------------------------------------------------------------
"my mom on irc"
by - phorce
---(woo)--------------------------------------------------------------------
i was on irc the other day and out of NO WHERE my MOM came on! i was
like, "what the hell?" - here's a log of it!
+---(woo)---+
*** phorcemom (phorcemom@parents.y0lk.net) has joined #zines
<phorcemom> phorce!?#?! are you idle again!?#!?
<phorce> gah!! mom??! what the hell are you doing on IRC?
<phorcemom> trying to get you to clean your room. ever since you bolted
the door & wouldn't take out the garbage, it's been hard to talk
to you.
<phorce> shut up, mom!
*** mode change "-o+b phorcemom *!phorcemom@parents.y0lk.net" on channel
#zines
*** phorcemom has been kicked off #zines by phorce (yuck yuck)
+---(woo)---+
greetz go to mogel (he says "hi" to me on IRC!) & to other kewl doodz
that helped me write y0lk 99!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
y0lk% rm irc-mom.txt
y0lk% cat creed_is_in_love
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
me
==
by - creed
i
am a wilted flower
standing here in the cold, aluminum rain.
and i am a woman.
and i have pain.
why do you mock me?
because
i am fake and stup^C
^C
^C
^C
y0lk% rm creed*
y0lk% cat fuck_zines
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck you #zines !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by - hooch! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously, fuck. i'm fucken pissed at all the #zines kids. all they do is
sit there and idle all day and say shit.
there, the other day bF was on #zines, and i asked him when the new rice
was coming out and he said "FUCK YOU JERKFACE", except he couldn't ban me
because he didn't have ops. actually, no one had ops.
also, gaurdian won't put me on snuffyii, and this sucks. fuck you gaurdian.
even though i have ops on y0lkb0t, i want SnuffyII action too!!!@@ anyway,
the bots are always banned in #zines, and when they're here, they don't
have ops. that's the dto people again. fuck you murmur and tao. you all
suck!!!
so anyhow, zines suck. i just read dto and it was pretty bad. too long and
too serioius. then again there's y0lk that's good. but hey, we're gonna be
in an exposition in a museum, or so creed said. creed is pretty rad. i mean,
y0lk is dumb and all, but it's entertainment. you #zines kids don't
understand what entertainment is. you're so stupid.
so i just went in #y0lk the other day but no one was there. tough shit. i
came back in #zines and no one was talking except bF, but i don't remember
what he was talking about.
then mogel came in the channel and asked me to write for dto. wow!! that's
pretty rad!
so yeah, dto is pretty good. but y0lk is better, even if it's dumb.
so uh yeah.
i think i'm gonna stop this here.
maybe.
or maybe not.
gee, this is turning into a murmur article. but well, dto is good.
but y0lk is better.
btw, here's the first few lines of digdug.exe, shown through dosedit.
éà
ÇG
NOWèwwFtO
W wOWè3ÇG
Ã2Ç2øø
Æ âð¾
P*
*ð
ð*@ @+ +à à+0 0, ,Ð Ð, -pp-ÀÀ-.``.°°.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
y0lk% rm fuck_zines
y0lk% cat hehehehe
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"fun-ee joex"
submitted by: mercuri
i was talking to HANDLE the other day & we were talking about MONKEYS
& then handle said "LET'S KILL SOME COMMIES!!!!!"
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
y0lk% rm hehehehe
y0lk% cat today
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
_i am the ruler of the whole universe_
a text file written by BIG HURT
2day was an ok day.
i got up, i put on my supperman underoo pajamas, went to the
bathroom, and made some applejax. i started eating them real slow, when i
noticed the time. i was gonna be late, so i slurped down my serial and
went 2 skewl.
i really don't like skewl very much, but i got to go to batting
practice which is always pretty phun.
there's this lowd kid on my baseball team that always talks a bout
reliegion and distracts me when i'm trying to concentricate. people that
talk during those times are annoying. my feelings on religion are .. well, i
think trent reznor said it best -
"god is dead
and no one cares
if there is a hell
i'll see you they're"
i think that this song means that god died and that in trent reznor's
opinion no one really gives a shit, but then again he doesn't deny the idea
that there could be a hell, which is the opposite of heavenf, and that he
will go there and see you. but, then again, i'm not in trent reznor's head,
so maybe i don't know what it means! man, i wish there is a hell 'cause i've
never met trent reznor in my life and i sure wish i could!!
anyhow, this kid got hit in the head with the ball and hee! it was
phunny (he got a head like a hole!! hehehe...)
so i went home and i watched x-filez and my mom kept talking the hole
time. sometimes its so boring on friday night. i had nothing to do today.
its knot like im a geek or nothin i just didn't have any plans. plans,
that's what counts. if you have plans you'll go someware in life. i don't do
2 many drugs or drink but sometimes its nice to get you're mind off problems
and to forget wear you are. then again those who do drugs will go noware in
life.
i herd trent is on drugs, but my opinion is that it's just a rumor.
i tried to right again for my little zine, yellow journal, but
the whisper virus fucked up my turbo pascal 7.0. this sucks, now i can't
code. i like to code. especially in upper case. coding will get you far in
life. baseball too.
the other day my dad asked me 2 rite a program that makes the family
budget and it was nice to do it. this kind of program require special skills.
i almost did it, i think. but then again my tp7 crashed. i will finish it
later. until then i'll go do some more batting.
i gotta jet now. l8r.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
y0lk% rm today
y0lk%
---
"*this* is what's stopping us from world domination!?"
"what the heck was all that stuff?"
"where's the h/p text?!"
"where's the good writing?!"
"where's the humor?!"
"where's the quality control?!"
"warez the warez?!!?"
"what time is it???????????????????????????????????????????"
"we're chickens. we don't have watches, stupid."
"let's go to kfc."
<awkward silence>
"uh, that was a joke guys."
"anyhow, we gotta do something now. what do you think?"
"me thinks the best bet would be to get on irc in case we could get
k0deZ!!"
"yeah, true. kodes are to hacking what pointlessness is to #ansi."
"uh, what?"
"nevermind, i was trying to be deep, but it's hard for a chicken to
be any deep, y'know."
"yeah, we're stupid & our brain is small."
"but that's why we are such great hackers."
"um, word, i guess."
---
y0lk% irc creed irc.frontiernet.net
*** Connecting to port 6666 of server irc.frontiernet.net
*** Welcome to the College Dropout Network creed
*** Your host is irc.frontiernet.net, running version 2.8/digi+th.4c3
*** This server was created Fri Jun 7 1996 at 18: 21:20 EDT
*** Do you really read those things? I don't.
*** umodes available oiwscrk, channel modes available biklmnopstv
*** There are 6315 users and 7608 invisible on 79 servers
*** There are 154 operators online
*** 5338 channels have been formed
*** This server has 280 clients and 1 servers connected
*** This couldn't be anymore pointless
*** Current local users: 280 Max: 619
*** Current global users: 13923 Max: 23259
*** - irc.frontiernet.net Message of the Day -
***
*** No BOTS! No SCRIPTZ!!! No ELITE!!!! ELITE IS BAD!!!!
*** WE SAW "HACKERS", WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!
***
*** Quotes of the week:
*** <DumIRCOp> Damn, us IRCOps are pretty lame!!! HAHAhahaAH
***
*** <MetalMan> The other day I saw a pig an I said "Hi IRcop!@!!!!"
*** HahaAH FuNNy
***
*** creed (creed@y0lk.net) has joined channel #zines
*** Topic for #zines: jew.
*** Topic for #zines set by jamesy on Thu Aug 1 08:45:04 1996
*** Users on #zines: creed r00tster @_mercuri b1rdy bBQ plummy styx phatk0q
metalchic @_edi tMM beakyb kojak [KLaWz] oods diewormz @mogel gbreaker
feathers tao sp1c3 kfphr3d @phorce @crank @murmur eggrezn @bF @jamesy
@y0lkb0t @SnuffyXXV egghead @rattle
<y0lkb0t> [creed] look at that creed! hehehe silly creed!!!
<phorce> DAMMIT mogel, WHEN is y0lk #100 gonna be released?!?!
<mogel> phorce - *smooch* i lub u
<_mercuri> creed!!!!!!!!!
<bBQ> sO n-e ov u do n-e zine??
<bF> :=-(
<bF> :^)
<bF> =:I
<bF> :-)
<bF> 8~]
<metalchic> justin your dumb!!!!!
<bF> |-)
<bF> 8(
<bF> <:-)
<bF> this script rules.
*** bF has been kicked off channel #zines by murmur (DAMN YOU AND YOUR
SCRIPT!!!!)
*** bF (bf@rice.org) has joined channel #zines
*** Mode change "+o bF" by metalchic on channel #zines
<diewormz> kluck kluck kluck
<eggrezn> die- wh0rd 2 dat
-> *r00tster* man its me peewee
*r00tster* hey sup1!!!kluck
-> *r00tster* i'm gonna hafto hack the nasa!! gimme k0d3z!
*r00tster* d0od msg nasaadmin, hes a D0rK
-> *r00tster* uh, hold
*** NASAAdmin is admin@gsfc.nasa.gov (Administrator of NASA)
*** On IRC via server irc.nasa.gov
*** NASAAdmin is away: Be Right Back.
<rattle> SHIT. brb
* rattle is away: rattle-cam. (NO, REALLY?!???)
-> *r00tster* uh DOOD this rocks!!
*r00tster* go sochully engineer dat dood, dood!!!
-> *r00tster* u b3t i will!
<mogel> is it just me - or has anyone else here noticed that this channel is
full of chickens?!
<eggrezn> moGle fuCk yOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-> *NASAAdmin* umm .. my name is emmanuel yolkstein, i work for the
department of uh .. rocket engines! yeah, that's it. but DAMN, i fergot
my password for nasa.gov. could you help me dood?!???
*NASAAdmin* Sure! What is your login name?
-> *NASAAdmin* root
<kfphr3d> yo, diz channel iz wak. sheeeit.
*NASAAdmin* Ok, your password is "system".
-> *NASAAdmin* whoa!!!!!!! thanks dood!!!!
<oods> i want to say something cool...hehe!
*NASAAdmin* My pleasure!
-> *r00tster* i got it!!
<creed> HAHA!!! THE REIGN OF Y0LK IS NOW REACHING ITS (BITTER) END!!!!
*** Signoff: creed (k0t k0t k0d4k)
y0lk% telnet gsfc.nasa.gov
Trying 128.183.7.22 ...
Connected to gsfc.nasa.gov.
Escape character is '^]'.
*** WARNING ***
THIS UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT COMPUTING SYSTEM IS FOR AUTHORIZED USE ONLY.
USING IT FOR OTHER THAN OFFICIAL U.S. GOVERNMENT BUSINESS IS A VIOLATION OF
FEDERAL LAW.
INDIVIDUALS USING THIS COMPUTER SYSTEM ARE SUBJECT TO HAVING ALL OF THEIR
ACTIVITIES MONITORED AND RECORDED WITHOUT FURTHER NOTICE. KEYSTROKE
MONITORING AS WELL AS OTHER FORMS OF MONITORING MAY BE USED.
ANY INDIVIDUAL WHO USES THIS SYSTEM EXPRESSLY CONSENTS TO SUCH MONITORING
AND IS ADVISED THAT IF THIS MONITORING REVEALS POSSIBLE EVIDENCE OF CRIMINAL
ACTIVITY, THIS EVIDENCE MAY BE PROVIDED TO FEDERAL LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS
FOR POSSIBLE PROSECUTION.
login: root
password: system
...
SO HERE YOU ARE ..
...
AND DON'T FORGET, *YOU* WILL BE PROSECUTED. *WE* ARE THE MAN.
...
AND NOW TIME FOR ..
___________________________________________________________________________
||------------------------------------------------------------------------||
|| NN N AAAAA SSSSS AAAAA :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ||
|| N N N A A SSS A A :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) ||
|| <-- N -- N N AAAAAA --- SSS - AAAAAA -----------------------------> ||
|| N N A A SSSSS A A "we have all the bombs." ||
|| ||
|| welcome to the nasa site! you are a big, smart government person! ||
|| *hugz!#* [HACKERS NEVER GET ON THIS SYSTEM] *grin!#* ||
||________________________________________________________________________||
nasa# hehehe! thiz iz kewl!
hehehe!: Command not found.
nasa# ls -ls
256 -rwxr-xr-x 1 root 242452913 Nov 13 1995 missles
nasa# rz yolk_infoz
waiting to receive.
nasa# missles -fire yolk_infoz
[ Missile Launcher (tm) v4.04beta -- Written by: Fatslayer (hehe) :) :) :) ]
*** YOU HAVE "HAD" THIS PROGRAM FOR OVER 30 DAYS :) - REGISTER TODAY! :) ***
Starting launch sequence now :) ...........
Target 1: Creed .. *BEWM!* :)
Target 2: Phorce .. *BEWM!* :)
Target 3: Big Hurt .. *BEWM!* :)
Target 4: Mercuri .. *BEWM!* *BEWM!* *BEWM!* (extra missile request) :) :)
Target 6: Ideal .. *BEWM!* :)
Target 7: Hooch .. *SQOOSH!* (stink bomb) :) (hehe)
The Yolk writers have been obliterated. :)
Have a nice day :) Hehe :)
---
"awesome! we have taken over y0lk."
"let's write our OWN y0lk file now#!$$"
"uh, WHY???"
"oh, FUCK YOU. we WANT to do it!"
"uh, okay."
"so go write a t-file now!"
---
y0lk% pico y0lk-100.txt
[ UW PICO(tm) 2.5 New Buffer ]
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
: ______ __ _______ __
| . | |/_/ | \_/ | ________
|_ _|_______________X____l_\________| |_____ _/_________
/ \_ ___ _ ___ | / _\ /
====/======| X=\_|/ |=/ | _________/ _/
_/ | |_/ | __/\_|/ | _ | _/____\ \_
\____________________|\___ \100 __________/ \_| \________/
(_____\ y |__o___/_\/__\ l k
c h i c k e n z f o r e v e r ! ! ! !
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
__
------------------------------ ___,--'.._ --------------------------------
Yummy 0-day Lickin' Kockz \_ ``_ _< and all contents therein ..
------------------------------- \__._,' ---------------------------------
||
^^
1 > y0lk ascii
2 > y0lk #100 and all contents therein
3 > worms are stupid, by: peewee the hacker chicken
4 > how to card a nest, by: egghead ernie
5 > social engineering pharmers, by: plummy pam
6 > the egg-box, by: beaky becky
7 > being a goth chicken in the ninetees, by: egg reznor
8 > how to avoid pigs, by: kentucky fried fred
9 > #poultry sucks, by: grainbreaker
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
>>>> worms are stupid
by: peewee the hacker chicken
fuckin' worms - do i ever hate them! the other day, i saw that worm
& told him, "hey worm, i'm a hacker chicken, so you gotta lemme eat you" but
the motherfucker doesn't even answer & acts dead. but since i'm clever, i
ate it anyway. *YUCK* it was dead for real!!@!@ those damn worms can't
just look dead or alive or something, they always confuse the hell outta me.
fuck those worms, i say.
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
>>>> how to card a nest
by: egghead ernie
a lot of chickens ask me "how do i card a nest???" & say "ernie, i
will pay you ten eggs for a my very own carded nest!!!", & i gladly take
their eggs, for they are stupid, stupid chickens.
i know that the whole nest-carding scene is going to totally flame me
for this, but now with my help - YOU can card your OWN nests, free!
carding a nest is very easy. all you need to do is to sneak into
your pharmer's house in the middle of the night or in the day, & look into
his wallet. take his "VISA" or "MASTERCARD" number, name, & expiration
date, & flutter over to the nearest payphone.
i suggest calling 1-800-DIGI-EGG for the fastest & most reliable nest
service. they don't put any of that spit or moldy twigs or anything you
find in those "low grade" nests.
you - *beep*beep*beep*beep* (redboxing!)
operator - can i help you?
you - yes, i would like to order your premium nest model, please.
operator - ok, please give me your information. that will be four
"bucks".
you - pharmer phil. 9443-3245-2534-3413. expires 12/96.
operator - ok, your nest is on its way!!!!
you - thanks!
see how calm & relaxed i was the entire time? this is the additude
you *must* have when carding your own nests. oh, & remember - you're a
chicken so you can't get caught! ha ha!
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
>>>> social engineering pharmers
by: plummy pam
you can't do it. pharmers fucking suck. fuck you, pharmer.
sometimes if you peck them in the foot *just* at the right moment,
while they are feeding you, you can get them to accidently spill *extra*
food for you! awesome!
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
>>>> the egg-box
by: beaky becky
the egg box is very simple.
_____
___/ \__
_/ \_
_/ \_
_/ \_
| |
| |
| |
| | <- egg.
| |
| |
| |
| |
\_ _/
\__ __/
\___________/
happy hacking!
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
>>>> being a goth chicken in the ninetees
by: egg reznor
lady death is my friend. my feathers are black. my beak is pierced.
being a chicken in the ninetees sucks. life will lead you to death.
seriously, what's a chicken can hope? we just get fed, fed, fed (notice the
word here? "fed") until we get to the slaughterhouse & die.
MY BLOOD WILL SOIL THEIR SLAUGHTERING MACHINES!@!! THEY WILL NOT
GET AWAY WITH ME!
I WILL KILL MYSELF BEFORE THEY KNOW ABOUT IT!! I'M GONNA JUMP OFF
THE BARN WHEN THEY AREN'T LOOKING!!!! DAMN CORPORATE HUMANS!!!@!
don't get me wrong. i'm a real goth. i KNOW life. i KNOW death.
i know everything. i pick by night. i sleep all day. i am a night owl -
er, bad pun.
anyhow, tonight there's a concert of nine inch eggs & roosters of
mercy. it's eggothapalooza. so, uh, fear.
LADY DEATH!@##! I LOVE YOU!@#*#$
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
>>>> how to avoid pigs
by: kentucky phried phred
da other day i wuz owt beige-boxin' offa da pharmer'z phonez, when
diz muthafuckin' pig wuz phuckin' gettin' in ma phuckin' face. he wuz real
big n phat, yo.
so i wuz lyke, "yo! phuck off, phaggot."
dat dumazz pig juzt lookit me in da phaze n i sed "yo, i'm audi5000,
muthafucka."
so i sez to you - do yer phuckin' phreakin' when doze phuckin' pigz
our out at dunkin' slop stuffin' dare phuckin' phazes.
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
>>>> #poultry sucks
by: grainbreaker
i think #poultry suqzors bekuz de peepul in it are rilly dum. like
the other day dat kid zeroegg just p0pz out of nowhere an tellz me i got no
skillz. i say its not troo i'm better than him, he sucks so i just kix0r
him outta the channel but then the bot (pharmer) kicks me an now i am on the
permaban. fuck u #poultry!!!
but anyway i donna care because #poultry SUCKS0RZ. dat kid EGgardian
alwayz talks shit like hez a h0mo or he wants to buttfuxor peepul an this
is rilly annoyin. dat negroz gotta git a life,.
oh well, im outta here, pe4ce out to my homiez.
__
___,--'.._
#_____________________________ \_ ``_ _< _______________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \__._,' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
||
^^
(c) copyright 1996 yummy 0-day lickin' kockz - all rights reserved.
#__________________________________________________________________________#
#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#
^X
File Saved.
y0lk% ñ®m*¸( ^$0
NO CARRIER
---
"du0d what happened?!?@!!"
"this sucks do0d"
"cluck!!@ cluck!@"
"k-kLUQ!@!@"
"WHO THE HELL SHuT ThIS fUCKIN TH1NG D0WN?!@@!#####"
<awkward silence>
<noises are heard from outside the barn>
"du0d i hear noises from outside the barn."
"kluq!!!!!!@"
"shUT UP U dUM cHIQUN!@@ we'RE tRYING tO FIGUre wHO'ZZ outSIDE!@!"
"yEAH SHUT Up!@!@@"
"SHUT UP!@!@!@!@#@!!@"
"op me someone .."
"sume-1 bkick him!!"
"dcc me sATEN"
"stop flo0dING, lAYMUR!"
"dOOD dATZ fUCT UP d00oOUODZ!@!"
"oP mUH d0OoDZ!!@#@!@#!"
"KLUCK!@@#!@#$! kLuCK!@!@#!#@*$&##&77"
"4NY-1 W4NTS N3TS3X0R???!!@?!??!@? 3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3HH3 :) :) :)
<WINK> <SNICKER> :) ;) >;) <SNICKER> <EVIL GRIN> ;) :("
"61\/3 /\/\3 +3\/\/5H13 S3><0/~!!!!!!!@!#@!@#####@!########"
".. hi!"
<everyone:> "hi trixie!!!!!!!!@!@ <snicker> <wink> :) :)"
<various noises from outside, goddammit!@@!>
"uh, do0dz there's actually some people outside."
"oh shit chicken, shit shit dat kid shows up man, maybe that's the
feds do0d, chicken that sucks."
"word."
<someone knocks at the door>
"dood we gotta answer."
"uh, wHo iZ dAt??!@@@!@"
"d00d iNVITE mE!@ tHIS iS mASTUR bBQ!!!!"
"oh dood that was master bbs"
"haha u sed bbs"
---
serveral hours later, the barn blew up, killing all its occupiants.
what happened? who was involved?
does master bbq have anything to do with this story? well, not
really.
so what the fuck is going on?!@?!@?@!#
let's meet telecom legends mogel & eerie as they walk in the
beautiful plains of arkansas, a few hours before the explosion.
---
mogel: dood look, a barn!@
eerie: wow man, phear. let's hack it!@@!
mogel: dood how do you haq a barn?!@@!
eerie: man, i think if i remember my t-files correctly (phrack #2,
article #7 - "kArDiNg b0MbS", grayareas #5 - "THE SECRET OF
EXPLOSiVES", & of course hootie #56 - "phun with barns") we
gotta find some explosive matter.
mogel: yeah dood, but let'z not forget about what we learned in
other t-files (ibft #24 - "you suck a really really really
lot very much with cherries on top", dto #9 - "a
multi-cultural spectrum of anger", & cdc #37 - "fuck the
world") & go get a life.
eerie: umm .. man, you're not really helping the cause of this
story at all - which is already rather pathetic.
mogel: dood i know, but i felt like namechecking old school zines.
eerie: you silly mogboy. there, let's hack this barn.
mogel: ok!!!!@
---
< BEWM!@@!@!!#@!@@#$*^#%@$!#@ >
---
eerie: ok, now, the story would normally finish here, but the thing
is, if you remember, the y0lk writers are technically dead,
as well as their whole family.
mogel: but since we are such swell guys, full of love, compassion, &
respect towards the 'zine scene, we will help reviving them
using gnu skewl c0d3z that only us have the skills & the
knowledge of.
eerie: so here are we, looking back at past text files for some
more namechecking action.
mogel: wicca monthly #6 - "w4k3 uP pEEPUL pHROM tHE D3Ad",
Underground Voodoo Times [uVt] #43 - "HOW TO PHREAK CORPSES",
& w0ol #1 - "no thats quite alright" .. what do they all have
in common?!
eerie: ganja #257 - "how to smoke crack with a butt plug"
<playing a recording of laughter>
mogel: that was funny! hee hee! good one!
eerie: thanks, man.
mogel: eerie, dood - i think what this t-file really needs a cameo
appearance from rattle, dood.
eerie: man sure, man (man).
---
rattle: i don't know why the fuck i am writing for something as lame
as y0lk, but moggie wouldn't stop pestering me for an
article.. so here i am.. (i don't really have any writing
skills, but wtf).. first off the bbs scene around here just
plain sucks.. and second off there aren't any really good
isp's in tennessee with fast connections that will let my
rattlecam (tm/r/c/us pat: 4,342,231) work fast enough for
people all over the world to watch me act like a drunk jackass
on irc.. CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT?!?@ and _another_ thing, what
the hell is with all of the /away people in #zines??!@ if i
wanted to talk to people with no substance than i'd join
#13.. and another thing, ..
mogel: i'm sorry nick - but we need to keep this file under 500k ..
---
eerie: directly from philadelphia, it's scraaaambled-out!@
mogel: yes, ladies, gentlemen, & y0lkies - _scrambled out_, the one &
only show that everyone watches because our hostess is a
chick, let's welcome the new editor of HoE, metalchic!!@
metalchic: hI!!
eerie: well metalchic, what's going on?
metalchic: hehehe maby okey i'm host for thi sshow thats pretty kewl
mogel: so metalchic, let's introduce the guests!@!
metalchic: well 3 guyz who are gonna try to seduce the guest!!!
eerie: but introduce us, metalchic!!@!@!@ we like 0-day guests!@!@
metalchic: ok, lets introduce them!!!!!!!! guest #1 lives in washington
state is a #zines regular but nobody know him: jestapher!!!!
mogel: wow, jestapher?
eerie: yeah like, who would have thought that jestapher could be in
this file?!@!@ shock value!!!!@
jestapher: i have trust in myself, because i love chix hehe :) :)
metalchic: guest #2 is from swampy delaware hehehe he is otherwise known
as joltcolas little brother: nybar
eerie: hey nybar, dcc me poupey!! hehehe!!!! get it?!@/!@ :) :)
mogel: what are you trying to do eerie-kun-of-the-sun?
eerie: didn't you see my intense wit into imitating the behaviour of
an irc addict?
mogel: that was truly witty.
nybar: I told my mom about tha Time i PoOped My PaNTS and shE got
Rilly Mad
mogel: oh my god ..
nybar: Rilly Rilly Rilly MADD!!!!!!!@@!!@!!!!!!!!!!!
eerie: argh@!! make it stop!@!
joltcola: my brother actually said that out loud in the last 30 seconds.
nybar: Dood jC thinx aOl iz 'd4 $h1t'
metalchic: guestt #3 is from philadelphia he ran thousand of zines such
as rice, pez and hoe i think!!??@ like okey, this is black
francis
bF: shut up. what am i doing in this fuckin' corporate animal
testing show?
eerie: this is the show of love!@
bf: love is for art fags.
mogel: you're getting paid good money!@
bF: yeah yeah. so anyhwo, move the show on, bitch.
metalchic: hehehe Justin that was funny hehe :P okey now my first
question is 'if i was a candy bar, what kind would i be??'
heheheeh :)
jestapher: well uh .. hehe that would be a tasty candy bar so it'd be
kewler if it was tushie flavoer hehehe
crowd: <drama>
jestapher: hehe j/k
nybar: oH hEnRY chocolates are kewler because they loOk Like POOP!!@
crowd: <laughter>
bF: fuck you.
crowd: <applause>
metalchic: hehehe and the winner is bF!!!@@1 hhehe justin the prize is
that you win ME!@!
<show interrupted>
---
CYBER NEWS NETWORK
@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@
------------------------------------------
N E W S F L A S H D U 0 D ! @ ! #
mogel: we are sorry to interrupt this program for a special news
report from the rocky shore of lubbock, texas. here's eerie,
live on the scene!@!@@!
eerie: man this sucks!@ here is eerie on the scene of a zine war
in lubbock texas <riot noises> have been reported but no one
<noises> really say anything about <riot> & then you add one
cup of flour, you <noise>
Swamp Ratte': The medium is NOT the message. The message is the message,
and the medium is insignificant when it can be taken for
granted. That's what we want.
crowd: <oooooooh!>
crank: well, uh, jamesy made a typo error and he retaliated with
lyrics from tori amos!@
crowd: <silence, grumbles>
Emmanuel: This kind of power is unprecedented in the hands of solitary
citizens. It's precisely because of the hacker mentality
responsible for creating this medium that the authorities are
in such a panic.
eerie: it's really nutty out here, mogel!!! bring your extra
raincoat :) hehe ;)
crowd: <laughter>
mogel: that's cool 'cause i don't have a flippin' clue what you're
talking about, frenchie! hahahahaha!
eerie: hahaha! awesome!!@ anyhow, here is pixy presenting a *LiVe*
interview with the last writing talent of gweeds - IN A
BOTTLE!
pixy: Yer all dumb.
gweed's talent: "..."
mogel: hahahaha! that's a great gag, my combos-addicted chum!
eerie: no problemo, senior moggums a la ramen!
mogel: wait! the official 1996 'zine awards are beginning, right
after this commercial break! let's stay tuned!!!"
---
Hello, this is Nybar here with a commercial for..
"Y0lk --> The egg sucker!"
Gentleman.. the future is here! y0lk has released the
incredible EGG sucker!
It can :
1. Teach your grandma ta suck eggs
2. Teach your grandpa ta suck eggs!
3. Suck eggs!
it's THREE.. THREE.. count em THREE things in one! Now.. no more
annoying egg drip off.. getting on your pants!! Lets see what JoltCola had
to say about the y0lk egg sucker:
Me: So jolt.. had any traumatizing experiences with egg drip?
jC: What? What?!?#@?@!#%?
Me: How has the y0lk egg sucker.. changed your life?
jC: What the hell are you talking about?
Me: Were there any egg drips on your butt?!~?#@$?
JC: Teehee.. you said "Butt"
Me: Answer yes or no!
jC: Yes or no!!
Me: Just shut the fuck up@!$@#%
jC: Um.. I'll teach yer grandma ta suck eggs?
Me: With the y0lk egg sucker! yeah!
So.. if the y0lk egg sucker was good enough for a k-rad `zine
dood.. it's good enough for you! Kall 1-800-Yum-Y0lk today.
(no cod fish accepted)
---
eerie: allo, america! directly from the uXudome in sweden - the
third annual SCENE AWARDS!#
_________
(( ))
- --- ======================= _(( sCeNe ))_ ========================== --- -
|__(( '96 ))__|
(( ))
- --- =========================== (( )) ============================== --- -
(_)
| |
- --- ============================ | | =============================== --- -
__| |__
`~~~~~~~'
"CHeEEeEEEEEEEEeEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEeEEEERRRR!(#*!#($*#$!#!#!#!#$!"
mogel: well, our first presenter is straight from #hack - everyone
give a vivacious cheer to Y-WiNDoZE & winterrose!$%
y: Well thanks, fucklover.
wr: i was over ffej's house the other day hehehe after i was over
syntax error's house hehehehe
y: I r00l.
wr: y come over :)?
y: 'zines are lame. The internet is lame.
wr: u r sillie ..
crowd: <laughter>
y: This first award is for fags. It's the "best ansigeek of the
year or some shit" (that's the real award name!!!). du0d i
have THEDRAW 6.0 REGISTERED!
wr: our nominees *are*:
y: <yawn>
wr: lordjazz of various ansi groups (this year alone!)
ld: Your aLl a bunch of fuCkinG lemmingz
wr: radman of ACiD!!!!!! (ACid!!! you know them!!!!)
radman: Well, I think everyone here should write for The Product 2!
wr: & from even more groups than lord jazz - nootropic!#
nootie: groups aren't important - I AM.
y: Fags.
wr: & the winner is .. bisounours!#
crowd: <"WHO?!!?!">
biz: i think mogel stuffed the ballat hehe :)
mogel: i luv yew, bizzy!!#
<awkward pause>
eerie: well, uh .. our next award is being presented by quite an
unlikely duo! oh, mogel - what crazy characters we are!!
mogel: yes! we are clever!
eerie: introducing .. TGuardian from #ansi & Gaurdian from #zines!
TGuardian: eYEM naWt gay bUt my b0yfRIend iZ. i also like to fuck dogs.
Gaurd: Hahahaha :) You're very silly, TG.
TGuardian: this award is "the most annoying hacker in irc and the guy
who surfz the www with a powerSUN" (that's the real award
name!!!!) aND dEY wILL wIN tEWSH1E sEX0R wIFF mE!!@ hEY gAURd
yEW sPELLeD YeR nAMe wR0NG!@
Gaurd: Hahaha :) What humor! So, the nominees are ..
TGuardian: fIRST nOMINEE fOR bUTtraPe is .. rEDR4G0N!@!@
ReDragon: what the hell am i doing here?!@ i'm a nice guy!
Gaurd: Second nominee is : tersIan.
tersIan: cunt.
TGuardian: aND the 3rD of dOZe fAGZ iS: U4Ea!!@!!!@
U4EA: i own you.
Gaurd: Even me? :) And now, the winner is ..
TGuardian: erikb oF pHRACK eLECTROSEXYMAGAZIine
erikb: haha, i hacked the ballot, now you see i am a real hacker!@!@
eerie: my, mogel, erikb definitely has angst. he should write for
<beep>.
mogel: haha, eerie, you just said a word that was not underground!
curse!@ curse!@
eerie: haha, i do it for shock value of course! & i will do it
again. <beep> <beep> <beep> .. or do you prefer .. rice rice
rice .. oops, this one stays uncensored!@
mogel: that's THE MAN threatening us down!@!!@@
eerie: & now on for a performance from the fertilizers.
---
i am filled with angst
i wanna kill the world
i don't eat meat for meat is murder
& i am so, so, so ..
<agent passes>
agent: those kids are pretty good. hey, you, would you like to sign
a contract with us? i'm from caroline records & i like your
sound.
mogel: there, another of those jokes only murmur will get.
eerie: & that's why it's funny, mogel!@@!
mogel: YES I SEE!@@! HAHAHAHA!@!!@#
---
mogel: so here we are, ready for the #zines personality of the year.
a very praised trophy from the whole 'zines community. & the
presenters are maestro, currently in no group (?@!!@?#!@) &
TClaw, directly from #warez!@
maestro: well, this will be a very strange presentation.
TClaw: who are you?@!??#@
maestro: i am an ansi legend.
TClaw: ansi??@!?@
maestro: well, & it's bizarre to find myself talking to a warez kid.
TClaw: Sorry, gotta go! #fatefiles is calling.
<TClaw runs out of the studio to his computers.>
valgamon: what the hell is wrong with you guys????????????
maestro: well, i guess i'll have to do that alone .. the first nominee
for "#zines personality of the year & the guy with too much
peanut butter" (that's the real award name!!!) is .. edicius
of jonas e-zine!
edi: well, this special issue keeps getting bigger and bigger and
it still seems to keep going forever!
maestro: the second nominee is .. jamesy!
jamesy: jew. *hUggiEz*
maestro: the third nominee is .. mercuri!!@
<mercuri cannot be found>
orestes: um .. this is bizarre. mercuri is always around.
eerie: this is, *cough* really bizarre indeed, isn't it mogel.
mogel: truly *cough* bizarre, but then again, we might know more at
the end of this file!
eerie: what a suspense-keeper you are, mogel?
styx: what the hell is this - "mog & threes"?
mogel: that was pretty obscure, styx. lemme explain this last joke.
"mog & threes" sounds a *little bit* like the popular angsty
comic book "milk & cheese" - this is funny my toast & fried
french friend!@!@
eerie: quiet, mogel!! you are spoiling the joke for the more
quick-witted readers!
mogel: doh!
maestro: and the winner is .. y0lkb0t!@
y0lkb0t: thank you, mogel! thank you, eerie! i'm very excited to get
this award. since i had ops, i set the channel mode to +m &
no one could vote but me! i won!
mogel: you know it's bad when we start using irc-command jokes.
eerie: well put, baron von moggelic the fourth!
+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+==+
ok. this is eerie here. me & mogel really over-killed it this time.
there's no going back now. we've gone too far.
the y0lk writers are all dead. damn. how in hell are we gonna save
them!??
eerie: yeah like, *how*?
mogel: i dunno.
look at me, i just typed myself doing something & responding to what
i just said. maybe it's time for something really clever ..
'cause i mean, you know, 'zines ..
i mean they come, they go & all. i've seen many a story written
where the characters would just blow up at the end because the writer had no
clue how to end it all.
y0lk writers are dead? hah hah.
get real. this is only a zine%795utjwtkgjtwerjtseg
asdfk
dsfsdlg dfhkdfhk
sfjsdgksfhsrg kl;tdkg
goddamit, eerie, you just always find a way to ruin these files with
that leap into "reality". don't you know anything about chaos?!?!!?
skdfjsdf
asfdldfk fuck you ..gskfa ok, maybe it's time for a real file for y0lk #100.
-----( y0lk #100!@ )----------------------------------------------------------
"grannie smith apple or whatever random title i can find" by : eerie
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yo, so here am i, today, writing my first y0lk file. let me introduce
myself. my name is eerie & i am a professional slacker. all i do all day is
sit at the computer & fight for mental sanity. yes, i do that. i have
lotsa angst. the angst is the key.
-------------------------------------( i lub dem silly dividers hehe :) )-----
oh, man. that was horrible, 33.
*here's* how y0lk #100 SHOULD be ..
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
---- ____
\ \ / / |~~| |~~| /~~/ 11111 111111 111111
\ \ / / | | | |/ / 1111111 111 111 111 111
\ \/ / _||_ | | | / 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
\ / / o o \ | | | \ # 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
| | ( O ) | | | \ 11111 1111 1111 1111 1111
| | \__^__/ | | | |\ \ 11111 111 111 111 111
|__| |__| |__| \__\ 11111 111111 111111
"WeRE nOt GuNnA tAKe iT!@#%$&*^$%^#$^%#$%"
by - Pip The Angry Youth
Hello! This is Pip The Angry Youth! Ok, byebye!
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
here is the index, for, we hope, the last time in this format.
that's a little more than 100 lines now, i mean, it's bigger than most y0lk
files themselves!@@!#
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle $
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother $ sphrog $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky $ jamesy $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears $ murmur $
$ 77 $ horror story $ oeb $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re $ s.sheep $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger $ tao $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600 $ d.cheez $
$ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist $ taraxis $
$ 83 $ a generic y0lk file $ mogel $
$ 84 $ cultural inclination? $
m.head $
$ 85 $ australia through the eyes of a spoon $ spoony $
$ 86 $ the life of a demented sysop $ spoony $
$ 87 $ little johnny carpenter $ franman $
$ 88 $ phan male $ ideal $
$ 89 $ bighurt is back!# $ bighurt $
$ 90 $ the discovery channel $ sphrog $
$ 91 $ fruitopia caps!@#$ $ bighurt $
$ 92 $ the story of carla $ trip $
$ 93 $ a joltcola y0lk $ joltcola$
$ 94 $ spinsane's story $ spinsane$
$ 95 $ fish pillows, mothers, and limericks $ sphrog $
$ 96 $ cOsmic revelations, fever induced flashbacks, and pedOph...$ spinsane$
$ 97 $ stinky cheese and the seven messy petes $ joltcola$
$ 98 $ what i've seen of y0lk really sucks $ kojak $
$ 99 $ the badness steps out and takes a solo $ y0lk $
$100 $ the beginning of the end $ peewee $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--(infoez)-------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether
you like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board,
et cetera.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!#
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge.
[clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one
knows.]
heil creed. <HEIL!# HEIL!#>
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk
or .. call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or* .. look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet. type "@y0lk (number)" for
y0lks.
_OR_ .. ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about
y0lk and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the
line "subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ
the NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isn't that special? join y0lknet too. thank
phorce. if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read
alt.zines.y0lk!@
OR OR OR!@ the *official* y0lk html is at www.openix.com/~phorce/y0lk/
OR!# coming soon! micro ("pirate") radio!# a y0lk hour-of-fun ON
THE AIR!# (sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.)
don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information
here? couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that
we have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
