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y0lk-129
--(y0lk)---------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk #129: "120 white lines of love" - by kreid
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HI.
i just felt like writing an issue of y0lk. i don't really have
anything to say, though. i am compelled to write though, because i care
so much about my audience. they need me. this is the price of literary
stardom.
it's for the kids, you know?
so i'm pushing towards the goal of 100 lines. just like old times.
because just like old times, y0lk gets no attention. it took me something
like ten issues to get people to start submitting stuff. i've run this 'zine
on my own before! i'm a prolific writer! i can do it! i believe in myself!
actually, i'm just writing something because:
1: i'm bored (yes, really! can you believe it?)
2: i can't sleep (really? kreid is nocturnal! wow!)
3: my computer is on because i'm downloading eleet warez.
4: god wants me to write for y0lk.
god also wants you to write for y0lk. submit and email it to me at
y0lk@gti.net , okaY?!?!
think about it. it should be obvious to you all that kreid (that's
me) is the future of american literature; or, as some visionary literary
critics sometimes put it, "the next hemingway". y0lk, of all e-zines, has
the most potential to be published in the future and become a NY TIMES best-
seller. this means, if YOU submit to y0lk, you will be published in a NY
TIMES best seller at some date in the future! yes, it is that easy. life
caters to the sneaky and disenchanted.
--(what does being disenchanted have to do with this?)-----------------------
well, you're still reading this crap, after 39 lines. i should
assume you're disenchanted.
OOPS i just had an LSD flashback. heheheheh!
back to the issue. sorry for the delay. sorry. sorry. sorry.
can you relate to me? are you unhappy? are your thoughts unclear?
do you have insomnia? have you lost your marbles? are you on drugs? you
are, aren't you? let me see your eyes! come on! let me see them! i'm
only doing this because i love you.
i'm a textual rock star. look at this broken prose. look at my
inability to focus. kids love me. sure, i get laid now, i'm eleet like
that, but i don't mention it. that cuts down my audience. unless i'm
writing porn, nobody wants to hear about it. sex, money, headaches. if you
don't get it, you don't want to hear about it.
and i assume... since you're still reading this crap, after 57 lines,
that you don't get laid much.
do you?
you fucking loser.
--(that's it! i'm not reading this 'zine ANYMORE!)--------------------------
yes you are. you know i'm irresistable. i'm river phoenix, david
bowie, and elvis, all combined. oh yeah, and... uh, bukowski. because i
write. heheh! :) :) :)
i have to be honest, though. let me bring it down a level for a
while. moving from crazed delusions to cloudy fantasies:
i don't expect anyone to read this. the only reason i get laid is
because i have a girlfriend i've been with for 2 years. BTW: I LOVE YOU
HONEY!! KISS KISS KISS!!!! I WOULD DO ANYTHING 4 U JUST ASK I WANNA MARRY
YOU AND HAVE BEAUTIFUL BABIES
oops, sorry. well, i don't know what she's doing with a wretch like
me. i guess i just somehow found a pretty girl that isn't after looks OR
intelligence. good for me! what is it in me that appeals to her?
well, maybe it's my 14 inch... no, probably not.
it beats the hell out of me.
uhm, well.
my hair smells because i haven't washed it in a month or so. that's
what my mom told me today. she says i should wash it tomorrow, OR ELSE!
today, somehow, i found myself at the mall. i had to give my brother
a ride there to meet his girlfriend. my brother is 25 now, i think. anyway,
i saw some kids from school, 1 who had already graduated, and i followed them
into houlihan's to score some free french fries off their plates.
doesn't this sound like television to you?
anyway, when we were done eating, the waitress came up to us and
asked us, "is there anything else i can get you?" and one of the dudez i was
with said, with great pride: "COCAINE."
the waitress smiled uncomfortably and gave us a sarcastic double-
thumbs-up, as if to say, "drugs aren't cool!!!" i felt uncomfortable too.
then i asked for the check even though i didn't pay for any food. it was
a dumb experience and know you have to deal with the useless information,
just like i do. when that story entered your head, some very useful and
vital knowledge exited.
SUCKER!
that's 111 lines. now i can conclude. i would like to thank god for
this achievement. and god, if you're listening, please destroy the planet
earth when you get the chance.
thank you.
love,
dave.
i mean kreid.
