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y0lk-119
--(y0lk)------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk #119: Toni Morrison and the Tides of our Cosmos, by kreid
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Hello again. This is an essay I wrote for english class for an
in-class essay test. I didn't read the book because Toni Morrison is a
DUMB NIGGER BITCH. I got a "D-" on the test and I might have to repeat my
senior year in high school because I'm about to fail English. Yes, that's
right, your kreid, the next Ernest Hemingway, is failing English class,
and has been walking the thin line between failing and barely passing in
that subject for many years.
"I blame society."
--(spunky)----------------------------------------------------------------
Toni Morrison and the Tides of the Cosmos
I was sitting in my bathtub on Saturday. Buddha was there. We
were smoking cigarettes and sipping from a bottle of champagne. The room
was a chamber thick with smoke and bubbles. I felt a little bored, and I
sort of wanted to talk to Buddha, but all he would say was "Om."
It is always disappointing to seek knowledge in one who is so
fully enlightened.
Anyway, here's what happened and how it relates to Ms. Morrison:
The room was pretty much devoid of thought as well as sound, until
the silence broke when Jesus H. Christ stormed into my bathroom. There
were bags under his eyes. He looked like he had been coked up for about a
week without refrain. He coughed into the thick air and rubbed his
bloodshot eyes, his countenance thwarted by the hot smoke which filled the
room. "God damnit," he mumbled.
Buddha didn't seem to be acknowledging his presence. I just
stared at Jesus's protruding rib cage and waited for him to say something.
"David," he said, "I know you haven't read any of that Toni
Morrison book you were assigned to read for English class."
I sighed loudly. Fuck off, Jesus. I'm not your Job to push
around.
"Leviathan is rising, David. And you are blind and ignorant.
Will you be prepared for the coming of the beast?"
"I fear the day when I become knowledgeable enough to wake him
up." That was sort of a stupid thing to say, but I was a little proud to
be able to give him a quote from his own favorite book. He looked like he
didn't know what I was talking about.
Buddha shot a vacant glance at Jesus's vacant stare and chuckled a
little bit. Jesus just stood there, bewildered. I don't blame the guy
for being dense, I just wish he weren't so preachy all the time.
"You're too tense, Jesus," said I. "Why don't you sit down for a
while and have some champagne?"
Jesus said nothing and sat down on the toilet seat. When I passed
him the champagne, he took a sip like a 14-year old at his first high
school party, pretending to be experienced with alcohol. He sat there
staring at his feet for a few more minutes, then ran out of the room,
screaming "to Hell with you guys!" He slammed the door hard and then was
no more. Buddha and I just smiled at each other.
"He always blows up like that when he's not in his usually
worshipful company," said Buddha.
"Those twelve losers that always follow him around?"
Buddha nodded, and we were at peace.
