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y0lk-088
=={"y0lk!" said the norwiegen with no life}==================================
,,,,,,,,,
:PHAN MALE;
`````````
=={Hi ideal!}================================================================
Wow, I'm bored. So bored that i decided to write another y0lk issue.
Let me tell you a little about my weekend. I've been sitting at home all
weekend sick as hell. Snifflin' and Sneezin' with snot hangin' outta my nose,
I've been talking on IRC and some local boards almost non-stop. I'm such a
loser.
=={I said HI IDEAL!}=========================================================
Oh, hi divider! how are you today?
=={not too bad, yourself?}===================================================
Ugh, i'm talking to the divider! what's my problem?? I must be sicker than
I thought. So, divider, what's next on the agenda?
=={PHAN MALE!}===============================================================
oh yeah! Ok faithful y0lkers, sit back and enjoy the fan mail i have
recieved.
=={Letter #1}================================================================
Dear y0lk,
Hi, my name is Fred Palmencheri and I have to admit that i am a y0lk addict.
The other day, my boss came into my office and saw me reading y0lk and he
asked me "Is that y0lk???!" When he found out that it was, he gave me a
promotion and a brand new office on the top floor. Y0lk made me a very happy
man. I guess my boss must like y0lk too.
P.S. That guy ideal is amazing. He is one of the main resons that i read
y0lk.
sincerely,
Fred Palmencheri
Fred,
We're all very happy that you like y0lk so much. Chances are your boss
doesn't really like y0lk. It's probably just the fact that he doesn't
understand y0lk. And people (especially employers) fear what they don't
understand. Your boss took one look at y0lk and noticed that you were
reading something way beyond his comprehension level. That caused him to
fear you. So remember, if we stop publishing y0lk, your out of a job! So
we expect you to send half of every paycheck to ideal's PO box in order to
keep us alive.
y0lk
=={Letter #2}================================================================
y0lk,
I'm not sure if you are aware of the immense strength of your `zine. The
other day i was walking through an alley on my way home from the annual
Spam-a-thon when this man came up to me and tried to mug me. He shot at me
with his gun but luckily, i had my latest copy of y0lk in my breast pocket.
y0lk stopped the bullet and allowed me to run home safely. Unfortunately
my copy of y0lk now has a huge bullet hole through it.
Thanks y0lk,
Jasmine Blue
Jasmine,
I cannot believe the nerve you have. You put y0lk before your life???
You don't understand the emotional strain you have put on every y0lk writer
down here at y0lk central. If you ever blasphemy again like that we will be
forced to put raw spinach down your pants and continuously throw burrs at in
your hair. You should be dead!
y0lk
=={Letter #3}================================================================
Mo Fo's,
Yo, dis is Tyrone. I jus' wunted you to know how much I hate you! I'm out
twenty dollers jus' cuz of you. Yer salesman lied to me and he's gonna pay
watch yer back, cuz i ain't trippin.
Tyrone
[this letter triggered my curiosity. So i gave our friend Tyrone a call on
the phone and here is the shake-down of what happened to him. He and his
friend Harvey Chan were sitting around one day and this following play is an
account of what happened.]
[Tyrone]: Yo nigguh, Let's go to the stoe!
[Harvey Chan]: Ahso!
[Tyrone]: What da fuck you call me rice boy? Yo fo bettah not trip me daz
jive no mo' or i'll bust a cap in your triz-azz!
[Harvey C.]: Oh no! no disrespect to you T-Bone san. I finish waxing flore
and we go to the stove!
[Tyrone]: The stoe! not da stove! Damn! whazzup wit' yer squinty eye ass
anyway? You be trippin or what? And what the fuck you doin'
waxin' the floe? Allz we does here is sit and play dize foo! Now
git yer ass up off that floe befoe i whoop yer funky li'l chinese
ass!
[Harvey C.]: Oh, Ahso! Ai-ya! so sorry Mr. T-Bone san! now we go to the
stove?
[Tyrone]: The stoe nigguh! The stoe, not some mutha fuckin stove! I'z swear,
you ain't nevah funna be down wit's da dog pound if you don't
start lernin' sumptin! Now grab yer glock G, we'z gonna go on a
Ghetto Grocery spree!
[Harvey C.]: They have soy sauce and Chung Lai Fu in the getto stove? I need
for my wok!
[Tyrone]: Yeah, of courz we'z gonna walk! now get yer slany-ass over here so
i can teach you bout the glock!
[Harvey hurries over and pulls a pocket watch out of his over-sized, gangster
coat]
[Tyrone]: What the fuck is that negro? Who cares what time it is?
[Harvey C.]: Oh, this is my clock. You say get clock, so i get clock! You no
think this good clock?
[Tyrone]: Man! Put that shit away! I said your...forgit it, let's jus go man.
[They both pull their extra baggy gangsta' pants halfway down ther ass' and
start to walk with style down to the store. When they get there, a goofy
looking, scrawny, smelly kid in torn jeans and a dirty T-shirt is standing
outside. On his head, he is wearing a hat that says "ask me about y0lk"]
[Harvey C.]: Oh, yolk! I need eggs for my stir fry. Thank you most
honorable...
[y0lk]: CHING CHONG FUN! CHOO HAI!
[Harvey C.]: You no funny yolk man! I talk speak good english talk!
[Tyrone]: Yo homes, what's y0lk? Dat some kinda chronic? Dat would be tha
shit.
[y0lk]: Uh... yeah, it's da shit! *hehe*
[Tyrone]: Fresh! how much for a dimer?
[y0lk]: Uhm...$20!
[Tyrone]: cool, gimme one man! Here's the dead prez's! Yo, what's yer name?
[y0lk]: why?
[Tyrone]: So I can beat yer ass if yer selling me some funky ass shit!
[y0lk]: Oh, well, in that case, my name's g3cko.
[Tyrone]: Awright foo, gimme da shit
[y0lk hands over and issue of y0lk]
[Tyrone]: What is this? you playin'?
[y0lk]: uh, no... the *shit* is in the paper.
[Harvey C.]: So we roll up paper and smoke? then we get a, what you call...
Fuzz???
[y0lk]: Uh... sure, if you want. well, see ya.
[y0lk boy runs off with his $20]
Dear Tyrone,
I am truly sorry for our friend's ignorance. We here at y0lk do not know who
it is that sold you the y0lk. But we see now that it was a rip off. If you
could just send in the additional $20 to ideal's PO box, everything will be ok.
y0lk
Imagine that, one of our own, selling y0lk for a mere $20. If we ever find
out who pulled this stunt, we will tar and feather him. Remember y0lk staff,
if you peddle y0lk, $40 is the lowest we will go.
=={end it please}============================================================
woah! haven't seen you in a while divider!
well, i'm still sniffling but i think i have successfully channeled all of my
stupidity through another great y0lk issue. bye.
ideal's e-mail address is kevin@mixcom.com
=={samurainotes}=============================================================
sometimes i worry about myself getting to power-crazy up here in these ivory
towers of the y0lk building. but i usually quench these worries by writing
a few meaningless notes in other people's work.
=={index}====================================================================
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle $
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother $ sphrog $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky $ jamesy $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears $ murmur $
$ 77 $ horror story $ oeb $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re $ s.sheep $ $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger $ tao $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600 $ d.cheez $
$ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist $ taraxis $
$ 83 $ a generic y0lk file $ mogel $
$ 84 $ cultural inclination? $ m.head $
$ 85 $ australia through the eyes of a spoon $ spoony $
$ 86 $ the life of a demented sysop $ spoony $
$ 87 $ little johnny carpenter $ franman $
$ 88 $ phan male $ ideal $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--[infoez]--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!#
mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge. [clarification: mindcrime
may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.]
heil creed. <HEIL!# HEIL!#>
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet. type "@y0lk (number)" for y0lks.
_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.
OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the
NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isn't that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce.
if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@
don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
