y0lk-082

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Y0LK

 · 5 years ago

  

 "journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist" 
 by - taraxis 

        i'm bored and i'm not feeling cool(tm).  all my friends are cool(tm) 
 except me.  waaaah!  john is a r0xin' anarkist (he dumps chemicals into the 
 toilets in school and stuff) and pete's got twenty nine earrings and dyes 
 his hair indian corn yellow, but i'm nothing.  sure, i have my ripped jeans 
 and pearl jam shirt (9 out of 10 guns prefer kids to crayons or something 
 like that who cares i'm still cool(tm), but i'm lacking something.  i don't 
 have an identity.  i _need_ a fucking identity!@$##!$  i need to rebel(tm) 
 then i will rock!  so i get my pen out and make a list of stuff to do so 
 that all the girlies will love me: 

 1 - fuck sex. 
 2 - fuck religion. 
 3 - fuck school. 
 4 - fuck mom and dad. 
 5 - fuck the government. 

        oh boy now i'm excited!  this is going great!  i mean, this is the 
 shit!  see?  i'm on my way to identity nirvana already.  oops nirvana sucks, 
 i'm sorry.  i've always thought they sucked, even though i bought all their 
 cd's, which i throw away now.  i start now to consider my list more 
 carefully... 

 1) fuck sex 

        dammit those fuckin' hippies beat me to it.  argh!@!$#  but maybe 
 i'll tell everyone i'm bisexual and love tori amos... this has potential.  i 
 circle this on my list. 

 2) fuck religion 

        shit i can't do that, all my friends are either atheists or wiccans, 
 so that's not original.  and forget believing in god, that's just not 
 cool(tm). 

        money hungry asses on tv say they believe in god.  i'm not a money 
 hungry asshole.  therefore, i don't say i believe in god. 

        makes perfect sense to me. 

 3) fuck school 

        fuckin'-a!  no one likes school.  "school is not cool(tm)."  jeff 
 tells me school is just a place where ultra-rightists make us feel bad and 
 rape our minds, and jeff knows what's going on - just look at his black 
 painted fingernails!  anyway, that's not new.  i continue my search for the 
 cause of the world's failure... 

 4) fuck mom and dad 

        confound it everyone cool(tm) hates their parents.  even though i'm 
 alone in the world i can't say that because i'll be called a poser.  fuck. 

 5) fuck the government 

        yes!  the government is the cause of all my problems!  yippie! 
 tommorow i'll go get a "the american government blows goats" shirt and show 
 it off to everyone!  i rock!@!$  oh fucking fuck fuck-headed piece of fuck 
 shitties!  dave already hates the government.  damn.  double damn.  and for 
 a moment, i was cool(tm).  i was a person man!@# 

        i sit in despair and wonder what i can do.  should i be silent and 
 wait for people to ask me about my really deep thoughts?  or maybe i can go 
 "hmmmm..." every five or ten minutes.  it just isn't fair.  i'll never be 
 cool(tm).  (some stupid song is playing on the radio)  maybe i'll kill 
 myself!  yes!  then people will always wonder what soulful things i was 
 thinking, boy they'll be sorry then, huh?  (what a dumb song.)  i've run out 
 of options.  i lay my head down on the table and start to cry. 

        "you let me violate you..." 

        wha?  what's this? 

        "you let me penetrate you..." 

        suddenly it hits me like a bolt of lightning!  this song... this song 
 is the key to cool(tm)ness and popularity!  yes!  i'll be the first one in 
 town with the shirt!  um wait who the hell is this band anyway?  they've 
 probably got a kicking name like, "nuclear spaghetti biscuits" or "toad 
 lick buttplugs"!!!  maybe i'll be thrown out of school for wearing their 
 shirt! that would be so cool(tm)! 

        "i wanna fuck you like an animal!" 

        i nearly collapse on the floor in orgasmic delight!!@#  this is what 
 i've always been waiting for!  i want it so bad!  so bad!  i'm so cool(tm) 
 now!!!  yes!!@#$ 

        "i wanna feel you from the inside!" 

        this is too much to bear!  i shut off the radio and run to the 
 nearest tune town to buy the "i wanna fuck you like an animal" song and some 
 t-shirts.  the guy working told me the name of the band but i was so 
 engrossed in thoughts of how cool(tm) i'd be tomorrow that wasn't really 
 paying attention to him. 

        tomorrow in school when pete and dave ask me about my cool(tm) new 
 shirt i'll tell them about the ultra-cool(tm) new song i've heard.  of 
 course, it's only new to them because i've liked nine witch tails for years. 

--(index)------------------------------------------------------------------- 

.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b. 
$ ## $                            title                           $ author  $ 
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $ 
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $ 
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $ 
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $ 
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $ 
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $ 
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $ 
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $ 
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $ 
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $ 
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $ 
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $ 
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $ 
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $ 
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $ 
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $ 
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $ 
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $ 
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $ 
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $ 
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $ 
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $ 
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $ 
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $ 
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $ 
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $ 
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $ 
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $ 
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $ 
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $ 
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $ 
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $ 
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $ 
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $ 
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $ 
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $ 
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $ 
$ 38 $ snowday                                                    $ phorce  $ 
$ 39 $ creed is g0d                                               $ creed   $ 
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth                             $ bighurt $ 
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue              $ bighurt $ 
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet                                     $ hooch   $ 
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods!  from yonder 	C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\71\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\71\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\75\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\76\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\77\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\77\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\78\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\79\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\80\\C:\TERM3\DOWNLOAD\81\\C225  TXT 3¶Ž ¤'<$åDC226  TXT 4¶Ž ¦'ð<åDC227  TXT 5¶Ž ¨'k&åDC228  TXT 7¶Ž ª'ÄcåDC229  TXT K¶Ž ®',FåDC230  TXT L¶Ž ±'éåDC231  TXT O¶Ž ²'©/åDC232  TXT P¶Ž ´'Ù.åDC233  TXT Q¶Ž ¶'Å1åDC234  TXT Q¶Ž ¸'JåDC235  TXT R¶Ž ¹'ÔåDC236  TXT S¶Ž º'ªåDC237  TXT T¶Ž »'qa¸ixmqL]ËN¿…ãɘJ ‚ã): 
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