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y0lk-081
// "the night before 2600" \\ y0lky0lky0lky0lky0lky0lky0lky0lk
\\ by - dead cheese // y0lky0lky0lky0lky0lky0lky0lky0lk
'twas the night before 2600 when all through the lines
not a d00d was couriering, they were all paying fines.
the modems were disconnected from the 'puters with care
in fear that demonseed elite soon would be there.
the warez were all given the "hidden" attribute
in case he checked the subdirectories and not just the root.
and I felt all warm and toasty as I settled into my bed,
but that might have been from the bottles of Red.
when from my computer there came a terrible noise,
i sprang from my bed to check on my toys.
away to my desk I flew like an arrow,
and I saw a sight that chilled to the marrow.
the svga monitor was enveloped in mud
and the ergonomic keyboard was sticky with blood.
when, what to my horrified eyes should appear,
but a big monster truck (my heart filled with fear!).
the driver of the beast burned with such horrible heat,
i knew in a moment it was demonseed elite.
faster than my highest baud, towards me he drove.
when I heard his voice, under my bed I dove.
"come out, come out, my pathetic warez d00d.
your lame, little body shall be my food.
you've been a waste for years, so you'll die tonight.
bow humbly before me, as it's useless to fight."
i feared a great torture, since i am so weak,
and came out from my bed and kneeled at his feet.
peering up at my doom, i was filled with much fright.
he was shrouded in darkness and his eyes flared with light.
my mind filled with images of macabre tortures and traumas.
i knew i'd be punished for my misplacement of commas.
it's really not my fault, i was never taught how,
so i put them after every few words in everything i typed .. up 'til now.
the being towered over me, a grin on his face.
i gasped at the sight and my heart missed its pace.
"you've been a pitiful lamer. you'll now meet your death."
upon hearing this, i ceased my breath.
"my god," i thought. "i'm going to die.
will he boil me in oil and leave me to fry?
will he punch out my eyes and drill through my brain?
or will he spare me and leave my warez in the rain?
oh no, that's too horrible. that's a fate worse than death.
i'd rather lose my life or my mind to crystal meth."
looking down 'pon me, the demon spoke to my ears:
"i can see your thoughts. i feast on your fears.
i've decided to spare you. i'll give you a chance.
your warez shall be destroyed .. along with your pants."
so taking hold of my keyboard, i saw the worst i'd ever see
as the great demonseed elite typed "format c:"
and grabbing my trousers off of the chair
he wrapped my disk holder in them and threw both in the air.
"powers great and mighty, justice be thy name.
take the warez and these pants and set them aflame."
and then my trembling body did observe
a sight that did shatter my very last nerve.
the disks and the pants were engulfed in fire.
my life, my mind, my only desire
were being destroyed in view of my eyes.
and the last sounds i did hear that night were my whimpers and cries.
i am told by my neighbors that a terrible voice spoke loud with might:
"you can't run. you can't ride.
you can't escape. you can't hide.
i'll always know who's lame and who's not
who writes t-files and who plays with bots.
you won't see me coming, but i'll see your fears.
i'll feast of your anger, your hopes, and your tears.
as i bring justice in the night."
--(index)-------------------------------------------------------------------
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $
$ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle $
$ 74 $ i love you as my own mother $ sphrog $
$ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky $ jamesy $
$ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears $ murmur $
$ 77 $ horror story $ oeb $
$ 78 $ dat wh0re $ s.sheep $ $
$ 79 $ the ewok rant $ taraxis $
$ 80 $ the arcade avenger $ tao $
$ 81 $ the night before 2600 $ d.cheez $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--[infoez]--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
heil creed. <HEIL!# HEIL!#>
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet. type "@y0lk (number)" for y0lks.
_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.
don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
