y0lk-115

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Y0LK

 · 5 years ago

  

--(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
y0lk #115: "godlike", by pretentious angst queen kreid 

 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
 

 
 

 
        It was somewhere around 3:00 AM in Leonard's driveway.  A long, hot, 

 
and generally uninteresting August day was concluding with a warm early 

 
August night.  Leonard was not quite sure what day it was, since he had been 

 
unemployed and unattached to life all through the summer, but it felt like 

 
somewhere around Wednesday.  The passing of days had become completely 

 
irrelevant, anyway.  The only reason Leonard thought of time at all was 

 
because he dreaded the daytime so much that he would watch the clock and wait 

 
for the sun to come down every day, eager each time to plunge himself into 

 
the night.  The deep hours of nighttime were all that he lived for during that 

 
lonely summer, after everyone in town had gone to sleep.  And at 3:00 AM in the 

 
boring suburb in which Leonard lived, the phones didn’t ring, the televisions 

 
were all off, and there were no lights to burst out of any of his neighbors' 

 
windows.  It was the only time when Leonard would leave his house, and only 

 
then to lie alone in his driveway. 

 
 

 
        Leonard had been left alone in life, completely abandoned by everyone 

 
he knew.  His parents had died, leaving him at his young age of nineteen with 

 
their home and all their money and responsibility.  He was an only child and 

 
his parents did not have many friends, but there were a few people who tried 

 
to bring him a little comfort at the funeral and for a few days afterwards. 

 
But it didn't last long.  Nobody really cared much for Leonard, mostly because 

 
he hated to be cared for.  He loved being alone.  He didn’t want a family.  He 

 
didn't even mind when his friends abandoned him to go away to all their 

 
colleges.  Leonard believed he was born to be alone, and to die lonely. 

 
 

 
        Leonard, alone, had a very calm look on his face as he lay on that 

 
warm driveway, wearing only his old jeans.  He looked up at the stars, which 

 
were always beautiful to him, although boring.  He fixed his eyes on one of 

 
those stars and stared at it for as long as he could, wondering (but not 

 
really caring) what it was like on the other side of the galaxy.  He figured 

 
it was probably just as boring as it was on Earth, but it might be nice to 

 
visit one day, like his parents used to visit poorer nations in the 

 
summertime.  They would go away for a week, and then come back and talk about 

 
it and laugh, knowing that as rich Americans living in the suburbs, they 

 
would never have to suffer like the natives of those poorer countries.  They 

 
would always have indoor plumbing and central air conditioning in the good old 

 
United States of America. 

 
 

 
        Leonard knew better than that, of course.  He knew life was shit for 

 
anyone who could see past all the distractions that people found.  Television, 

 
conversation, masturbation, was all just bullshit, and unfortunately, Leonard 

 
wouldn't fall for it.  It was because of Leonard’s inability to be distracted 

 
that his life was so unfulfilling.  He had considered suicide but decided it 

 
would not be fair to take nature into his own hands… he felt that killing 

 
himself would violate the natural order of things, and if there was anything 

 
Leonard respected, it was nature.  Leonard could not kill himself, he decided, 

 
but he always hoped for some tragedy.  When he drove, he drove fast and 

 
carelessly, hoping to find himself someday in a fatal car accident. 

 
 

 
        Leonard was contemplating the flawless beauty of nature and the 

 
flawless stench of mankind, staring at that one star.  He noticed a slight 

 
pulsation in the star and imagined someone on the other side of the galaxy 

 
was trying to communicate with him.  It seemed very illogical, but after 

 
staring intently at that star for a while, it really seemed to Leonard that 

 
for some reason, something out there was trying to say something to him. 

 
Could it be that something of some relevance was happening to Leonard on that 

 
late August night? 

 
 

 
        No, thought Leonard, that's bullshit.  Optimistic quasi-scientific 

 
bullshit.  Life is shit, I've figured out that much.  That is the natural order 

 
of things.  Being chosen for an alien communication would violate that order, 

 
wouldn't it? 

 
 

 
        Yes, it would.  Leonard turned his head and closed his eyes.  He 

 
distracted himself with other thoughts so as to forget about the pulsating 

 
star.  But seconds later, Leonard saw intense flashing light through his 

 
closed eyelids.  He opened his eyes and saw that his driveway and the 

 
surrounding neighborhood was bathing in this intense light, pulsating. 

 
Leonard looked up at the star and saw it filling the entire night sky with 

 
its radiance.  The rest of the stars seemed to be melting into nothingness, 

 
their presence shattered by the countenance of the one great star, which 

 
seemed to be calling out directly to Leonard.  He knew, somehow, by looking at 

 
that star that this spectacle was meant for him, and something even bigger 

 
was about to happen which would change his life. 

 
 

 
        Leonard heard a voice in his head, in a tone that was completely 

 
inhuman and indescribable.  It was calling to him.  Leonard, you have been 

 
chosen.  You are welcomed into our home, to live for eternity in a state of 

 
godlike bliss.  When you wake tomorrow, you will be with us, blessed and 

 
omnipotent.  Your every wish has been granted. 

 
 

 
        A long, empty silence followed.  Tears started to come to Leonard's 

 
eyes.  The star had stopped blinking, and everything had returned to normal, 

 
but Leonard was absolutely sure what happened just then was real.  When he 

 
woke up tomorrow, he would be a god.  Tears violently poured out of his eyes 

 
and rolled down his neck and onto his bare chest.  And he spoke, he shouted, 

 
for the first time in several lonely weeks: "God damn it!" He frowned sickly 

 
and clenched his teeth as if he were in excruciating pain.  He probably woke 

 
up several neighbors with the volume and pain in his brief, violent cry.  But 

 
that's all he had to say.  God damn it. 

 
 

 
        Leonard cried a little more, but quickly calmed himself down.  There 

 
was no reason to cry.  Something had changed, that’s all.  This was not what he 

 
expected, and things would have to be done to adjust.  Leonard walked slowly, 

 
quietly, as if leaving a funeral, back into his house and then into his 

 
kitchen.  And with the quickness and efficiency of an assassin, he grabbed the 

 
largest knife in his parents' old kitchen knife set, and drove it fiercely 

 
into his heart.  Leonard's eyes bulged with pain and shock, and his knees 

 
buckled.  He fell backwards, hitting the linoleum kitchen floor beneath him 

 
with a heavy, dull noise.  And he lay there, still clutching the knife with 

 
both hands, peacefully, for the few remaining seconds of his life.  Blood 

 
poured out onto the floor around him, and he closed his eyes, wishing only 

 
that he could have died with more dignity.  He never wanted to commit suicide, 

 
but what other choice did he have? His faith had been shattered that night. 

 
And now he was what he had always desired to be: a worthless slab of flesh, 

 
blood spilled all around him like wine on a cheap linoleum floor.  Life, for 

 
once, had meant something for Leonard.  And he died with the most empowering 

 
knowledge that he had ever possessed: it was all over.   Now he was truly 

 
godlike.