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y0lk-061
------(Y0LK #61)------------------------------------------------------------
" Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? " by INSANE
Why did the chicken cross the road? This is one of
life's great conundrums. Many theories arised from this
question. Theories composed by such great minds as Einstein,
Darwin, Hemmingway, Kippling, and Tony Danza, but none could
give the answer to this dilemma. Some said he/she did it to
get to the other side but I can disprove this hypothesis
because if the chicken wanted to get to the other side it
would just have to travel all the way across the world in a
perfect circle and when it came back to the town it started
it's trek from, the chicken would find the road that he/she
wished to pass, but this time he/she would be on the other
side of the road and therefore there was never a need to
cross the road in the first place. You know, this essay
reminds me of the time I did in the KGB. I was an agent
for, what at that time was, the Soviet Union. I was to meet
a chicken vender in the southwest corner of Red Square where
at the time that we met he was to divulge information
regarding the assassination attempt on President Dwight
Einsehower. We were to meet at fourteen-hundred hours sharp
and in the KGB lateness was punishable by only one way,
being forced to listen to Robert Goulet's Greatest Hits
Volume I-X while at the same time dipping your body in
chocolate fudge and then throwing you into the Russian
equivalent of "Jenny Craig". My rendezvous was over thirty
minutes late and I feared the worst had happened to him. I
left "the square" and while walking back to the Kremlin saw
his dismembered body laying in the middle of the road and a
chicken walking across his almost unrecognizable body. It
turns out that the American war General, General Doulglas
McArthur, was in Russia because he heard about the
assassination plot and planned to foil it. He knew that the
two things Russians can't resist are vodka and Colonel
Sander's Chicken. Knowing this, McArthur planted a
microscopic bomb a piece of chicken and when my rendezvous
saw a chicken walking near him he decided since he had an
abundance of chicken, to use it and when he did, KABOOM!!!!
I felt so sorry for my friend's untimely passing that I
dedicated my life to answering the age old question, why did
the chicken cross the road? Anyway, getting back to my
answer, I feel that people throughout history have asked the
wrong question. Instead of asking, why did the chicken
cross the road, people should have been asking, what made
the chicken want to cross the road? Could it have been
running away from something? I think not. It is my theory,
actually, not a theory, but a fact that the chicken crossed
the road because it was simply intoxicated. There have been
many documented cases of farmers replacing hard liquor for
the water so that the guy and girl chickens get drunk and,
viola, the farmer has more eggs than anyone else and can
retire at a young age because of your egg commodity. The
chicken was bashed and that's why he/she crossed the road.
_____________________________________________________________________insane__
editor's comment: uhm, that was weird. yeah. uhm. it was weird. -
chickens, chocolate, and the kgb. -creed
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$ ## $ title $ author $
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$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
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--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------
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cetera.
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