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y0lk-029
--(blah blah blah)-------------------------------------------------------------
blah. you suck. nurd. i hate you. poopy-head. dork. nutface-booby
person nad-head schlonghole.
there's a lot of childish aggression out. woo.
--(i feel so much better)------------------------------------------------------
y0lk number #29: the geek theory, hickies, and another long day.
--(oh, a y0lk issue)-----------------------------------------------------------
hmm. i don't know why i decided to write this. i just packaged 3 y0lk
issues in a row, and now it's going to be four. and i have a fifth coming, by
bedlam i think. mebbe. but why? am i TRYING to release five issues of y0lk
at once? am i TRYING to piss EVERYONE off? well, yeah. i am. let me give
you my reason for living:
i'm a dweeb, and i love being a dweeb. i have no friends, and i wish
i had fewer! it's weird. i do my absolute BEST to be hated by all. one, i
am just really grungy. and this isn't grunge poseurdom, it's like, real
overall dirtiness. it's great. i suppose that's a weak start.
maybe this one: when i hear that other people like a song, even cool
people that i like, i start hating it. just absolutely despising it... and
it's not just a little game that i play. i am totally, involuntarily, fooling
myself into thinking that i hated that song, and even that whole band! it's
great!
and i do my best, then, to listen to music that everyone hates. i LOVE
disco! cuz nobody likes it, and many people hate me because i listen to disco!
well, that's my geek theory. i love being dorky.
did i mention that i have a strangely womanlike figure? it's awesome.
i've got a sexy hourglass figure that most men would go wild for. and if other
people knew that, they'd beat the shit out of me. it's too bad they can't tell
through my clothes. the only people that have mentioned that are people that
have seen me naked. woo woo!
--(woo woo)--------------------------------------------------------------------
here's my k-cool daily zinelog which i may have invented... i dunno. i
think i've seen edicius do it before, but i don't know who did it first.
nonetheless, it's cool and i'm going to do it until y0lk dies, in the year 2050.werd to that. hmm, i think i'll start at the absolute beginning of the day.
midnight. that would be wicked cool.
12:00 am. i'm talking on the phone with my friend, josh, tripe for you
k-radders. he's eleet. he's in acid. anyway, we're talking about tapes or
some stuff like that, and he's writing a 100-line scene from a play, in
shakespearean english. he does homework. what a dork! so i get tired of
talking to him after about one hour, and hang up.
1:00 am. i'm listening to an old mix that i made last summer, while i
was in florida with josh. my parents have a house in florida. ain't that
cool? yeah, you're right. sucks.
2:00 am. i change the tape, cuz it's done. not much happening there,
i'm just trying to mark every hour until i go to sleep.
3:00am. starting to get tired, i haven't really slept in over 48
hours. so i start to fall asleep to another tape, and weird shit happens! i
get these flashbacks of a girl feeling my ass and kissing my neck and other
almost-naughty stuff, and i can't fall asleep! i can actually feel her there!
it's weird. and it's not that it's a bad thing, but there's nobody else in
that bed, and i'm being kissed. damn, i could devote an entire y0lk issue
to that. anyway, i eventually get to sleep, after the girl stops kissing.
morning. i wake up a bit early, and i hop in the shower. i fall
asleep in the shower and stay there for about 15 minutes. i get out of the
shower, go back to my bed, and sleep for another 15 minutes. as usual. i
wake up, run downstairs, and get in my dad's car. off to school.
blah. after falling asleep in the car for about 30 minutes, i wake up
and i'm at school. my dad pulls up in the driveway and i get out. school.
blah.
sitting in the hall, i suddenly realize that i have hickies all over my
neck! ack! that was what i was recalling, in my vivid imagination the night
before. TWO nights ago, i was uh, with this girl in a sleeping bag and she
totally chewed up my neck. so all over, up and down my neck, there are quite
visible hickies. ugh.
i try to hide them from everyone, but my school-friend john finds out
and he's telling the world. "look, my friend is the MAN!" heh, and i'm just
wondering why they haven't gone away after 2 days. and like, people are saying
"wow," and "isn't that painful" and stuff, and i'm just shrugging, because i
don't talk at school.
blaghehh. so after the hickie ordeal is finished, i go to class.
geometry. then spanish. not so bad. and after that, i have 5 free periods!
that's like 4 hours of free time! so i sit in the hall, as usual, alone,
staring at the wall. for 4 hours. i'm a fun type of guy.
wow, i've been doing this day-in-review thing for a while. i hope i'm
not boring you.
well, after that i have another free period, then 40 minutes of end-of-
the-day time before i get to leave. i meet my friend john today, and he's
polling the school for people that haven't heard about my weekend experience.
so blah. then we go out to the woods and i watch him dip like a moron. i
swear, chewing tobacco is just disgusting. ick.
we go inside, go to the sculpting room and he shows me his bong. uh,
nice. like everyone in school makes a bong in sculpting. he thinks he's
original. well, that bong WAS pretty huge. hell, it was enormous. i hope to
god he doesn't try to use it. heh.
so we sculpt a bit, and when we're done, we trash our creations. just
playtime, no permanance involved. then he gets his guitar and we play for 15
minutes. and today i get to go on the bus. yay.
i hop on the bus as it's leaving, and get my cool seat in the back.
i trudge through about 30 minutes of dead legs from the moron sitting next to
me, and then the smelly kids get of the bus. everyone has a look of relief on
their face. but then the WORST thing happens. she bends right over and i see
her almost-bare ass. eqeihwgih. and nobody else saw it. gross. stinky
foreign people suck.
well, i get home early, at like 5:00, and here i am. it's 6:00. the
day is hardly over. so there i go. yay.
what a huge fucking day. i've never done such a gigantic review. oi.
i really feel bad about boring you or something. and for those that care, i
don't think the hickies will fade by tomorrow. they're still pretty visible.
ARGH.
--(yawn)-----------------------------------------------------------------------
well, geek theory, day review. blah. i guess i'll end this and release all
those y0lk issues. bye.
--(YAY)------------------------------------------------------------------------
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$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sitting around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera. woog.
mindcrime is an official y0lk member.
