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Cult of the Dead Cow 312
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...presents... Chick Comix
by Craig Becker
06/01/1996-#312
__///////\ -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- /\\\\\\\__
\\\\\\\/ Everything You Need Since 1986 \///////
___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___
|___heal_the_sick___raise_the_dead___cleanse_the_lepers___cast_out_demons___|
Last night, I went out and bought a selection of Chick religious tracts.
This was my first-ever visit to a Christian bookstore, and I can safely say
that they are not good places to meet women. I bought several Chick tracts for
12 cents each.
If you've never seen or heard of a "Chick Comic," then I should explain
what they are exactly. They are little booklets, about 2.5 by 5 inches, with a
cartoon drawing and title on the cover. They're either handed out on the
street, or left in likely places for people to find. My initial acquaintance
came from finding one in a phone booth at a ball game. Opening one up and
looking inside exposes one to a whole new vista of weirdness. Most people seem
to remember the first time they read a Chick comic.
My friend Doug walked into my office today, picked one up and started
reading. "There's something about these things..." he said, 15 minutes later.
"They're sick, but fascinating." If you've ever read one, I'm sure you'll
agree. He went on to opine that they're sort of like an automobile accident:
you know you'll be shocked or disgusted, but you look anyway.
These things appear to be the handiwork of one Jack T. Chick, about which
not much seems to be generally known. But, if Mr. Chick were to appear nude as
a Playboy centerfold (a concept which he and I would both find appalling,
though for different reasons), it's likely that the personality section would
include something like this:
Turn-ons: Jesus Christ, the Bible, the Rapture, and Armageddon.
Turn-offs: Catholicism, the Pope, the Vatican, New Age, teachers,
homosexuals, child psychologists, rock music, disobedient children,
Mary Magdalene, drugs, Masons, evolution, witches, cults, animal and
human sacrifice, sin, Satan, and those who mock born-again Christians.
The tragic thing is that Mr. Chick is actually quite a good artist when he
wants to be, rivaling Richard Corben (of _Den_ fame) at his best.
At 12 cents each, I bought a bunch of them. Here are writeups on some of
the "better" of them:
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_Doom Town_ - 1991. Summary: A Christian cameraman tapes a gay rights rally,
then tells one of the protesters the story of the destruction of Sodom. Gay
protester converts, is saved. Artwork: high-quality.
Highlights:
- Rally speaker says, "If research money for AIDS is not coming at a certain
level by a certain date, all gay males should give blood. Whatever is
required to get national attention is valid. If that includes *blood
terrorism*, so be it."
- Lot looks very much the upper-middle-class WASP.
- Full page depiction of fat, sweaty bald guy with beard kissing Rip Torn
lookalike with beard and bouffant hair while another fat bald guy chases
a little boy past a demonic-looking statue.
- Hairy, hulking guy tells quivering innocent child, "It's that time again!"
Bottom of panel says "God heard the cries of these tortured little ones
and took action," but it looks like the "tortured little ones" got nuked
along with the rest of Sodom.
- Includes the part where Lot offers his two virgin daughters to the crowd.
- Left out the part where Lot's wife turns into a pillar of salt.
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_The Last Generation_ - 1992. Summary: In the near future, the World Court in
Rome sentences believers in Jesus to committal to a mental camp for treatment,
or execution. Bobby, the young son of a Christian family, turns in his family
for a reward; the grandfather is tortured and dies, his parents escape to a
cabin in the woods, but are found later. Rapture occurs just as the bad guys
break in. Artwork: high-quality.
Highlights:
- Grinning newscaster reminiscent of _Robocop_.
- Bobby's neo-Nazi uniform.
- Bobby complains, "The kids call me _slime_ because my @!!!**! parents are
_still_ married." Bottom of panel says, "'Honour thy father and thy mother
that your days may be long upon the land.' Ex. 20:12 *(Bobby won't live
long.)*"
- Unique "peace sign on a stick" with serpent symbol. Also, the "One World"
insignia.
- Crazed expression on Bobby's face when he holds up pictures of cute
kitten and puppy and says, "My teacher said these are _great_ for a
Halloween sacrifice."
- Mom says, "Bobby! Go to bed right now!"
Bobby replies, "Larry's mom said that to him, now she's in a
concentration camp for...CHILD ABUSE! Wanna join her?"
- Interesting tract houses with lighted numbers of the roofs.
- Bobby's teacher says, "It's with great pleasure... I introduce a famous
_New Age Healer!"
- Bobby: "If I turn in a sicko, will I get a reward?"
"Yes! A BIG reward!"
- Grandfather being tortured at "Mental Health" facility. "How long before
he cracks?"
"Not long! We inserted microchips to increase the pain."
- "@!!!**! Take this heretic away. Dispose of it, or use it for food."
- At end: "Little Bobby grew up and died in his sins, because he never
prayed a prayer like this:" etc.
- I can't help but think this would make a really good movie.
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_The Beast_ - 1988. Summary: An account of the things that will happen at and
shortly before the end of the world, with emphasis on how it won't be long now.
Artwork: medium-quality.
Highlights:
- Full page panel "Life as it is today" depicting fighting, killing, nudity,
cursing, gambling, drinking, smoking, divorce, adultery, homosexuality,
and women dancing on stage to wild music.
- "I have the power... Lucifer is lord!"
"Yes, and we are bringing peace with a one world government - a New Age."
[I bet the Chick people just went nuts over Bush's "New World Order"]
- "Satan raises up a leader that the world will love."
"This 'man of peace' stabilizes the world economy and pulls the religions
of the world together. He is Satan's masterpiece and he rules from the
Vatican."
- "With the use of computers, the Beast will be able to control every
person on the globe."
- People with "666" tattooed on forehead.
- 3 wheeled Cushman-like police vehicle with hydraulic guillotine on the
back for fast public executions.
- Classic Chick depictions of souls rising from graves, flying through
clouds, being judged. "Do their names appear in the Book of Life?"
"No, Lord, their names do not appear!" Some are cast into the "lake of
fire", others rewarded.
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_The Death Cookie_ - 1988. Summary: The Catholic church is a plot by Satan to
corrupt the faithful. But a few faithful find the real word of God and will be
saved. The "Death Cookie" of the title refers to the eucharist. Artwork:
classic Chick: very cartoonish, people all have big noses.
Highlights:
- Claim that ancient Egyptian sun god worshipers also had a "eucharist/
transubstantiation" myth.
- "The religious advisor added more Jesuses to "Mama Church" to confuse
the children. And they had to bow down and worship each one listed
below as God:
* The baby Jesus at Christmas.
* The dead Jesus on a cross.
* The angry Jesus up in heaven that nobody can calm down except his
mother. This Jesus was created to frighten everyone in Mama Church.
* Even Holy Papa became a type of Jesus. [Picture of Pope w/ big nose]
* The Holy Helpers became other Jesuses. [Picture of Monks w/ big noses]
* But the most dangerous Jesus was the one they stole from Egypt... the
"cookie god." [picture of eucharistic wafer]
- Letters IHS on eucharist "stand for Isis, Horus and Seb, the gods of
Egypt.
- "The cookie-god was actually called the Wafer God."
- "Is this Jesus Christ, His blood, body, and soul?"
"No, it's symbolic."
"Burn him!"
- "The Vatican is marked for judgment and destruction by the Lord for her
blasphemy."
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_The Deceived_ - 1990. Summary: Two Arabs discover that their faith, Islam, is
nothing but a plot by the Catholic church to control the Arab people. They
accept Jesus and are saved, but must spread the word so that other Arabs aren't
taken in. Artwork: exceptionally high-quality.
Highlights:
- What with the Islamic prohibition on "graven images," how many Muslims
do they expect are gonna read a comic book?
- Semiramis, the queen of Babylon and "Queen of Heaven," is a real
knock-out. "Satan would use her to destroy billions of souls."
- "Idols of the 'Queen of Heaven' were everywhere. Behind each idol a
demon controlled all who bowed down to it." Below is picture of people
kneeling and praying in front of a statue that, from the back, looks
suspiciously like the Virgin Mary and Child, complete with haloes.
- "To destroy true Christianity, Satan moved his murderous religion from
Babylon to Rome. Roman idols were given Christian titles. Venus was
called Mary... who became the 'Queen of Heaven.' Roman Catholicism was
born and Satan ruled from the Vatican."
- "The evil popes wanted to rule from Jerusalem instead of Rome. But they
needed an army to kill the Jews and destroy true Christianity."
- "For this dirty job, the Vatican used the children of Ishmael." Picture
shows Pope and his men. "The Bedoins refuse Catholicism. Then we'll
unite them with a new religion, so we can control them."
- "Where did the name 'Allah' come from? Abraham, Moses, and Jesus never
called God by that name. One of the idols [in the Kaaba in Mecca]
belonged to Muhammad's Quraysh tribe. It was called 'Allah!'"
- The two Arabs are upset: "Islam is a FALSE HOPE! That means one
billion of us are praying to the demon power behind that idol."
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_Angels_ - 1986. Summary: A down-on-its-luck Christian rock band signs a
contract with Lewis Siffer and becames part of his devious scheme to control
billions of souls with music. Three band members die or are otherwise lost,
but a young Christian girl slips a Chick Publication into Tom's jacket and he
finds Jesus and is saved. Artwork: classic Chick.
Highlights:
- Lewis Siffer, get it? [_Angelheart_ did this much better, IMHO]
- "My servants run this worldwide organization. It's called 'Killer Rock.'"
- "Then I gave them Elvis and the Beatles, etc."
- "From the 70's on, I gave the world KISS, Black Sabbath, Motley Crue,
etc. My music pushes murder, drugs, free sex, suicide, to destroy country,
home, and education..."
- "Who do you think started Christian Rock? I did!" [I won't argue with
that]
- "Everyone loves it because it all sounds the same."
- Band member dies on stage while band sings, "Embrace me, Love of Death"
- "My heavy metal has turned millions into rock-a-holics... they've become
zombies."
- Tom is depressed: "It's all over. Everything's ashes. Bobby died of AIDS,
and Jim OD'd. And Don is into vampirism."
- I wonder if there's a Chick comic that deals with rap.
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
_The Curse Of Baphomet_ - 1991. Summary: Mr. and Mrs. Scott's son attempts
suicide, and his prognosis is grim, until their friend Ed reveals the truth
about Masonry. The Scotts denounce Masonry and burn all of Mr. Scott's Shriner
paraphernalia in the back yard while praying for forgiveness. Upon returning
to the house, the hospital calls to tell them that their son has regained
consciousness and is going to be okay. Artwork: classic Chick.
Highlights:
- Mr. Scott says "I'm a Shriner!
"Ed replies, "No! I had no idea you were into witchcraft."
- "This 'Great Architect of the Universe' you pray to is NOT the God of
the Bible... it's really Baphomet! And he's ugly, frightening, and
completely satanic."
- Picture of Baphomet straight from Crowley.
- Photos of two 33rd degree Masons wearing the "sign of Baphomet."
- "...the *MASONIC RELIGION* should be, by all of us initiates of the
high degrees, maintained in the purity of the *LUCIFERIAN* doctrine.
If Lucifer were not god, would Adonay (Jesus)...calumniate (spread false
and harmful statements about) him? YES, LUCIFER IS GOD." Statement
attributed to Albert Pike, the Grand Commander, Sovereign Pontiff of
Universal Freemasonry.
- "The obelisk is a Masonic symbol of a male sex organ right out of Baal
worship... and God hates it." [I guess He's not too crazy about the
Washington monument, then. Mr. Clinton, are you listening?]
- "Masonry is a dark spiritual force, blending all ungodly religions."
- On the origin of the red Shriner fez: "In the 8th century, Muslim hords
[sic] overran the Moroccan city of Fez and butchered 50,000 Christians.
The Muslim murderers dipped their caps in the blood in honor of Allah.
These blood-stained caps were called fezzes, idols dedicated to a false
god (Satan.)"
- "Righteousness comes only from Jesus Christ...NEVER from an apron."
- For more information, you are asked to contact Free the Masons Ministries,
PS Box 1077, Issaquah, WA 98027.
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
And so it goes. I suspect (judging from the little serial numbers on the
back) that there are upwards of 100 different comics in this series.
In case you're curious, the back of each Chick comic says "Send $5.00 for
a sample assortment and price list." The comics are available in a variety of
languages.
Chick Publications
PO Box 662
Chino, CA 91708-0662 USA
(909) 987-0771
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`-' .ooM `-' _
Oooo / ) __
/)(\ ( \ Copyright (c)1996 Craig Becker and cDc. / ( /\
\__/ ) / All rights reserved. Award-winning CULT OF THE DEAD COW \ ) \)(/
(_/ is published by cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, oooO _
oooO Lubbock, TX, 79453, US of A. Edited by Swamp Ratte'. __ ( \
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\_) "THE COW WALKS AMONGST US" Oooo
