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y0lk-040
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y0lk ishue numba40: big hurt is ruler of the earth!
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.oOo. ( what? ) .oOo.
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yup, its me again, big hurt in the house. i guess ya could say that i'm
a y0lk memba now, since this will be my second ishue wit that a most
wonderful yummy-in-da-tummy textfile excellent magazine.
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.oOo. ( shoes ) .oOo.
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you guessed it.
i'm gonna talk about shoes of all kinds. why am i gonna do this. cuz
i really feel like talking about shoes.
everyone wheres them. shoes are there to protect are feet from the cold
and hot weather. also there are many different kinds of shoes and
companies that supply them.
there are boots, tennis shoes, wrestling shoes, etc.
then you got companies like nike, rebook, pony, etc.
right now, i'm wearing a pair of old, black, raggidy, torn-up, smelly,
crusty nike tennis shoes.
then right next to my heavily padded wooden chair is the rebook big hurt
preseason shoes. they named the shoes afta me of course. actually, not
really, that is where i got the handle. one day i was looking at the
back of my shoes and said hey, i'm gonna change my handle to big hurt.
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.oOo. ( parents ) .oOo.
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parents. they have you and they are there for you. but sometimes they
get on yer nerves and they sometimes never understand the things you
tell them or what you do.
then they wonder why we dont come to them fer help or when we need to
talk to someone.
here is typical conversation when i dont feel like really talking to
my mom.
the setting in in my living room, sitting on the couch in front of my
black television set, watching x-files. my mom has jus came home from
doing something at here office, fer all i know she could be stealing
gov't information. but thay any of my business, even if she tells me.
mom; `i'm home.'
hurt; `so whats yer point'. that is where i messed up, i should've hid
under the couch wit my remote control and when she turned off the tv, i
would turn it back on. this would've confused her. but i cant fit under
the couch, so that screwed that idea to hell.
mom; `well i love you.'
hurt; `okay.' that was a betta attempt at ignoring her.
mom; `well i'm back from the office. i put the stuff into the computer
and copied the papers that needed to be copied. what are you
doing?'
[i ignored her for a while]
mom; `what are you watching?'
[ i ignored her for while more, then said something at commerical break]
hurt; `when did you get home?'
mom; `havent you heard a word that i said.'
hurt; `not really. when did you get home?'
[this really pissed her off]
mom; `well, i've been home for the past 5 minutes.'
hurt; `oh really. didnt notice you sitting there.'
[x-files come back on and then i ignore her once again as she tries to
speak to me, but i cant hear anything, except for something in the
background that sounds like this: blah blah, blah blah, blah, i'm
going to my room now.]
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.oOo. ( beef beef what fer lunch? ) .oOo.
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while i was about ready to finish off this ishue of y0lk, my friend
came to my house and i said `ya wanna go to monglian beef'. so i said
why not, i needed to get something in my stomach soon anyways. so we
went to the mall and went in about a five dollar meal, which i got
beef, turkey, chicken, and pork all in one single serving, along with
some chinese noodles. they cooked it on this giant round heated cooking
device and did this crazy chinese stuff to cook it and put it back in
the bowl.
then i got some coke and sat down wit my friends and at my meal. then we
went to compusa to cause some trouble. we had some guy go into the back
room to get a big monitor and then we left before he came back out. so
i guess you could say that me and my friends are very evil arent we.
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.oOo. ( i am ruler of da earth ) .oOo.
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i, big hurt, am ruler of this earth. if you walk on this earth, then i
own you. simple as that. everyone follows the laws of `creedism', cuz
i said so. creed is second in command of this earth, so if he tells you
to do something, you must do what he says.
i know some people might disagree and agrue against my point of view and
beliefs, but it is simple as that. you must follow the written laws of
`creedism'.
if you dont follow these laws of the religion, then you shall follow
the punishment behind them.
you ask how i gained so much power in so short of time. well, that is what
i am about to tell you, so dont stOp me.
i gained all of my power cuz i was sitting on the crapper one night trying
to get that dung out my bunghole. you know the ones that jus dont seem to
wanna come out and you have to push and push and push and then it finally
comes out, but part of it breaks off.
anywayz, god came to me when i takin a pooppy break and said, `big hurt, my
son, i have been gone fer a very long, long time. i'm giving you the
powers of the earth and you shall be the ruler of this beautiful that
people are trying to destroy and take over. i will help you whenever you
need it, but you will need to apoint someone second in command that is
trust worthy.'
so i thought fer a few minutes and decided that i get to apoint the
person second in command. a few names ran across my mind, like _trip_,
creed, mercuri, nd, fk, etc and i then i decided creed, cuz he gave me
a chance to write a y0lk ishue fer him.
so there you go. i'm a the ruler of this earth, cuz i was told i was the
ruler from gOd himself.
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.oOo. ( lata ) .oOo.
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well that is it fer ishue numba 41. it was phun while it lasted, so dont
start crying, cuz as long as i'm here, y0lk will go on. so what did ya
think of this nifty lil ishue? lata fOos.
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.oOo. ( lil index ) .oOo.
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.s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&s.
$ ## $ title $ author $
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$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
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if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera. woog.
mindcrime is an official y0lk member.
