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y0lk-038
--(y0lk-038.txt - `snowday')--------------------------------------------------
______ __ __
___ / \| || | ___
blo| \|;/ zap! ___ _| __ || || | /\ \;|/ |blo
tto}---(o0)--'\/\,------\ \--/ + +-// ++ ++ +/ _\-----,/\/`----(0o)----{tto
__/ (_o) \ \/ /| //_| || || \ zot!@ (o_) \__
__||__ \ / | || || /\ \ __||__
|i'm a | / / \______/|__||__| \__\ |i'm a |
|chimp!| /__/ fueled by 1.2 billion |chump!|
\ / watts of pure k-rad! \ /
--(greetings.)-----------------------------------------------------------------
happy new year. below is something from last year. before christmas, even.
--(c:\y0lk. )---------------------------------------------[8088 section]-----
y0lk - snowday
it`s kinda late - at least by my mom`s standards. i`m typing right now on an
old 8088 that doesn`t usually work. it has been sitting here under the form-
ica desk for a few years since we got the 486.
i had to go downstairs to go get `great expectations`, a book we`re reading
for english. the last few days have been snow days, and, of course, i haven`t
done any homework. shit. i`m praying for a snowday tomorrow, but i doubt one
will come.
so i go downstairs, and my mom & dad are smoking. not that i mind, but it
kinda bothers me. there`s nothing i can do, anyway.
my dad is reading the latest _newsweek_. y`know, the one with the cover
`nineteen ninety five - the internet year.` my dad is reading about `the net.`
`chris, do we have windows...`
`yes, dad.`
`do we have a modem...`
`no, dad.` you see, i have to lie about these things. my parents don`t know
i have a modem. i think my sister might know, but my parents just don`t know.
my mom [also an avid reader of newsweek] read too many articles about those
evil sysops who come to your house, rob you, kill your relatives, and rape you.
i tried to explain that they were all lies, but my efforts were in vain.
`do you know about `the net``
`yeah.`
`do you have to subscribe - how much does it cost...`
`it`s not really one service, dad. you can get service from a lot of service
providers.`
[didn`t really hear me] `well, we pay for the... umm... tv over there, the
cable bill... is it anything like that...`
`sorta. it can run from about $10-20 a month, dad.`
[resumes reading article entitled `the net 50`]
`you seen my `great expectations`...`
[my mom] `what`s that...`
[my dad] `it`s a book, y`know, one of those things they had before computers..`
[in a bad attempt to try to poke fun at my computer habit]
`yeah. it`s a book.`
`sorry, chris - i haven`t seen it. why don`t you go study...`
`that`s what i`m trying to do, mom.`
`okay. bye.`
i went upstairs. it`s funny how my dad is like that. sometimes he will get
all happy about computers and stuff. i think it`s just because he wants me
to have a career in computers or something. if you haven`t noticed, a few of
my keys don`t work - like the quote-apostrophe key. also, i have no question
mark. also, the n key needs to be pressed a million times to get it to work
every now and then. it`s annoying... oh well.
so after i got back to my room, i looked under my bed. there it was. i can`t
understand. i have absolutely NO idea how that book got under my bed. if it
was a magazine i could understand, because sometimes i fall asleep reading and
i find the magazine slipped between the matress and the wall and onto the
floor. but this really puzzles me. the book is pretty thick, and i don`t
think it slipped between the matress and the wall. i guess it might have.
damn, this computer sucks. i tried using wp51 before to write this, but it
froze up after i was 1 page into it. damn it. it gave me some dumb error and
wouldn`t stop beeping. i think it might be because i took out the i-o card..
so the disk drives won`t work anymore. that`s probably it.. i`m not sure.
so i`m writing this with the simple command - copy con y0lk. pretty easy, i
guess - i don`t usually make typos, so i`m okay.
i hope i can squeeze a modem out of my parents this xmas. or at least consent
to go buy one myself... so i can keep the one i`ve got and say i just bought
it.
it`s weird like that. my dad always sucked at anything electronic - the vcr,
the stereo - but he always liked the possibility that he could be... using his
computer if he wanted to learn how. he never really tried to learn, and pretty
much only uses it at the office, when he has to log in his hours he spends on
cases or something he said. just the other month i taught him how to delete
the network mail he gets. he had mail piling up from last year that he didn`t
even know how to read, let alone erase. feh. at least he means well.
y`know how they have `themes` for the yearbook... well, my sister told me last
week that the yearbook commitee at her school chose this title-theme:
it`s all good.
i was amused. it`s a good phrase, but not something you want to keep for 50
years. `itzallgood` sounds like you just stepped out of mickey d`s and are
samplin` the fries or something - not something you say at the end of a year
at middle school. middle-schoolers are weird like dat. they elected q104.3 as
their favorite radio station.
i`m always raggin` on my sister`s musical preferences. she`s all into that
wanna-be punk stuff... whatever. i don`t even know. i just know that if she`s
into it, it must be wannabe. then she disses on they might be giants. feh.
damn. i wonder how long this is. y`know, even though there are no quotes,
question marks, or apostrophes, i think this y0lk came out good. something
i`m proud of. another big reason for me ending this is that i have to go do
my english `buddy book journals` now and it`s gettin` late.
i was gonna say something else, but i won`t. i guess this y0lk really didn`t
have a point but to let me write. i guess more `therapy` than an actual y0lk.
as that guy in `for better or for worse` would say. but i don`t care. i`m
sure that there`s someone out there infatuated with my life. that reminds me.
if you ARE infatuated with my life, don`t be afraid to drop me a line. i just
renewed my shell acct, so people can email me at:
sphrog@nexxus.novasys.com
please - even if it`s just to say `i hAT3 y0LK, dEWd@!#$` don`t be afraid. i
want feedback. sometimes i just can`t believe that someone who lives in
chicago would write for this pathetic piece-of-shit zine.
one more thing - someone should send all the dto`s to newsweek.com - so they
won`t keep hyping all those dumb webzines. they really praise those guys too
much, and all those webzines are such hyped-up chic urban trendsetting `cyber-
funk` garbage. giv`em dto, if they want `witty commentary on what happens on
the information superhighway.` who the fuck cares if i made that quote up. i
was too lazy to go down and get the magazine, but it says something like that
in there about those webzine guys. damn.
i hope those made a nice y0lk. it wasn`t funny, didn`t say anything about sex,
and didn`t call someone stupid, so i`m not sure how li`l piece of crud ranks
on the `zine chart.
phorce/chris ? shit. i cannot fucking believe that. i write the whole fucking
article, and now my ? key works. like buttah. JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST. well,
i`m not going to go fix that. just read where you think question marks should
go. i sometimes put in `...` `cuz i wanted some kind of punctuation.
phorce/chris [out]
--(eleet!@)------------------------------------------------------[end 8088]-----
welp.. it's after xmas. and i did get my modem. whoo-hoo. what a surprise.
now i can be more of a c0mp0o-doRk than i already am.
it actually came as a complete surprise to me.. i think it's my mom's way of
saying, "i know about the modem you've already got hidden, muhahahaha."
i thanked my mom, 'cuz it's a 28.8 and now i have to sell my old 14.4, which
will get me $$. w0o.
you don't know the tremendous effort i put into bringing this y0lk to you. i
had to pull out the i/o card on my new(er) comp, stick it in the old comp,
find a low-density disk, slap my hard drive around (actually, i just only
nudged it gently), copy to a disk, bring disk to new(er) comp, and write this
dumb postscript. plus, i drew an asskee. wow.
also - i know you loved the ass-key. i made it all myself. w0o!@ i'm an
ascii artist!@# yay. also, on the subject of ascii (which is commonly mis-
pronounced "ass-kai") :
ASCII
^^^^^
The ASCII Protocol (pronounced asky) is a seven-bit protocol that consists of
the 128 characters... etc...
wow!@ it says "pronounced asky"!@ that's great!
--(results of y0lk #35 [xmas])------------------------------------------------
current tally of orders received: 1
did you send $$$? doubtful, but if you did, and my p.o. box monkey-boy is a
thieving rat, then email me at phorce@erebus.magsystems.com (y0lk whq!).
--(index)---------------------------------------------------------------------
.s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&s.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera. woog.
mindcrime is an official y0lk member.
