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y0lk-028
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--\ y0lk \-------------------------------------------------------------------
welcome foolish mortal.
I have once again taken it upon myself to write an issue of y0lk.
You may be asking why. The truth of it is... I don't know. Boredom perhaps.
Not really sure, and pretty much don't care. I just do what I have fun doing.
Ok. So now what?
--\ y0lk \-------------------------------------------------------------------
We'll start with what this issue is all about. Alright this issue
concerns the army and the recruiting. So, we'll name this issue 'the army day
camp'.
--\ the army day camp \------------------------------------------------------
Recently I received a call from some army recruiter. We talked a bit
and as a result he was coming over my house.
Just what I wanted. I'm a slacker. I am not going to deny it. I'm a
lazy sack of shit. However, lets get on with the story.
So the other night this recruiter comes over we chat for a bit. Talk
about how the army gives you all this and does that for you. Blah. All very
interesting I'm sure.
Then the guy had me take a test! A test. Ok, fine. No big deal
really. I took the test got most of them right. Like any asshole couldn't
pass that test. It was like a little thing to find out how smart I am. Can't
be having stupid people in army now.
Anyway. He leaves I now have a shitload of papers to look at. Blah.
What's the point.
Ok, the point of this is. Why does the army come to your house speak
with you like the army is some kind of day camp. That is bullshit. They puff
it up, make it sound k-neato when it really isn't.
I don't know, but I know I'm joining _NO_ army.
btw: i have the guys card if you want me to ref him to you just let
me know. =)
--\ y0lk \-------------------------------------------------------------------
What now? Simple, I tell another story. This is a tale about Phil.
Some computer geek in Indiana.
It was 3:00 in the morning Phil had been up all night reading some
cool h/p/a files. By nature Phil wasn't one to destroy things for no good
reason, but lately the kids at school have been picking on him because he
knows how to use a computer and because he isn't a jock.
This made Phil angry and he vowed to show them all. So that day,
after school, Phil called up the local h/p/a board and went on a downloading
spree. He must have collected 50 meggerz of files by the time he was done.
After he was finished downloading, he started reading them all,
looking for something diabolical to do. Reading an anarkey (yourd00m.txt),
Phil spotted something he liked. He memorized the section and even printed it
out in case he forgot.
* example taken from yourd00m.txt *
Explosion... 'the big bang theory'
1. (1) tin can
2. (10-20 ft.) rope
3. (1 book) matches
4. (1 gallon) gas
5. (1) plastic dog food can top
[make sure it fits on the tin can]
6. (1 roll) of duck tape
What you do is simple. Take the gas, sniff it for a while, don't get
too light headed, you still have work to do buddy. Bring the gas to the site
of the explosion. Actually take all of the stuff to the site.
Now, pour gas into can. Don't spill any on your hands. If you do lick
if off, it tastes pretty good. Now, put a little gas on the rope. So the fire
can travel down it faster.
so far so good chappy.
Now, cut a small home, about the size of the rope, into the dog food
can top. It is plastic so it won't be that hard. Stick the rope through the
hole into. Now ducktape it in there good. No leaks now. Put the lid on the
gas filled tin can. Ducktape the edges, making sure everything is nice and
snug. No leaks! Make it neat.
You're almost done.
Now, leave the can in the desired spot and take the rope and move off
in the distance. You might want to hide behind something. Light the end of
the rope. Watch the pretty fire slowy procede to the can.
If you grow bored just walk up to the flame and blow on it a little,
that will get it moving along. Don't forget to get out of the way.
have phun!@
[eof]
The next day Phil went and gathered all the stuff he needed to make
a pretty snifty explosion. He was going to show everyone today. No doubt.
After gathering the stuff, Phil went to school. He attended first
period all the way up to third before he asked to be excused to go to the
bathroom.
Upon leaving the class, Phil went to his locker and got his stuff. He
then traveled to the locker room and began preparing this school anarkey. No
one will ever make fun of him again, he thought to himself. He planted the
can in the middle of the locker room, and with the rope he went and hid in
the shower room. Then he lit the cord.
The bell rang, and kids began to come into the locker room. Oh no, I
must hurry. Phil left his hiding spot and began to blow on the rope. The kids
looked at him funny, like they always did, but didn't pay much attention to
what he was doing.
The students walked by and Phil was still blowing on the rope. All of
the sudden someone opened the outside door and a great gust of wind entered
the locker room, the fire on the rope sped towards the can. Phil tried to
run, but it was too late. The can exploded, Phil tried to ward off the impact
with his hands but they did little.
When the fire died down everyone looked throught the smoke to see
what had happened. Then they saw Phil on the floor crying, clutching his
hands. The gym teachers and nurse ran in. They saw Phil and went to help.
When the got there Phil showed them his hand.
He had no fingers left on either hand, just two broken stubs.
--\ dumbass \----------------------------------------------------------------
Awe, poor Phil. Fucking retard.
Anarkey is kinda lame. h/p is alright though.
--\ next \-------------------------------------------------------------------
What else for the third y0lk this week?
Nothing.
Didn't think so.
sike.
--\ y0lk \-------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, remember that book review on the biography on Abraham Lincoln?
No. Well neither did I. Guess what. I got a fuggin 85. It was returned to me
because it was to short, but I added some filler shit and got a _85_. Not bad
eh!@ Considering I thought it sucked.
Think about this. Is there a difference between school and the army?
--\ y0lk \-------------------------------------------------------------------
This is lame. I have to do something cool. But what? I have no clue.
What can I do to make this issue rock? Gotta think, gotta think.
What can I talk about? hm...
Well, wanna hear something fucked up. I was playing Street Fighter II
for my super nintendo. Level 7, I'm Ken. I am playing kicking some sfII ass.
I get past vega, which I didn't think I would and then past Sagat. Then I'm
fighting Bison. In like 20-30 battles I couldn't beat the bastard!@ After a
while I shut the snes off, but isn't that pretty fucked up.
Oh well, I can't really think up much more...
then don't!
ok, bye.
--(goo)----------------------------------------------------------------------
lick, lick, lick. love me.
--\ indexor!@ \--------------------------------------------------------------
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$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sitting around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
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if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera. woog.
mindcrime is an official y0lk member.
