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y0lk-067
,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.
,.,.,.shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles.,.,.,
.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
+-==={y0lk 'numbah 66}====================================================-+
Yo! ideal here. I'm really new to the zine scene so if you're actually
reading this, you can bet yer ballz i'm surprised!
+-==={well, i'm readin' it, so what's goin on?}===========================-+
So, here I am sitting in the back of a car, listening to some Smashing
Pumpkins (they rule! best fuckin' band around), driving up to the dog
tracks to do some underage betting!
+-==={why dogs?}==========================================================-+
Cuz man, the horse track is like too far away and horses smell like shit!
Besides, last time I went to the dog tracks, I turned $20 into $120. Not
too shabby for 2 hours of sitting with cigar smokin' rich guys.
<Oh yeah, and the track has the best nachos at the snack stand!>
+-==={Ok, enough about dogs, what're you here for???}=====================-+
Oh, ok, fine. You don't want to hear about the dogs huh? Ok, I made a list
of 50 reasons why to read y0lk. It was gonna be 100 but i tried that and it
took too long
1. creed (he's such a wacky dude, it's cool)
2. you get to explore the wonderful world of literature (see issues #45-#47)
3. It's better than TV Guide
4. you save trees by reading y0lk .txt files (more trees for yer dog to piss
on!)
5. #4 doesn't apply to you if you print out every issue of y0lk!
6. MAD magazine gets repetetive after a while
7. Smashing Pumpkins have been mentioned many times in y0lk
8. you learn how to do neet stuff when your cupboards run out of burritos
(like how to kill a fed)
9. you learn how to write `leet stuff like "31337" and "w4r3z"
10. your mother would be proud
11. your father wouldn't be proud
12. depending on your household, you may have to switch around the words
"would" and "wouldn't" in numbers 10 and 11
13. unlike that rilly hot girl in your math class who won't talk to you,
y0lk's got ballz
14. unlike that fat girl who sits next to the girl mentioned in 13, y0lk's
not too BIG
15. y0lk comes out more often than most magazines
16. y0lk comes out less often than your local w4r3z d00d annouces his
3133tness
17. What would you rather read? y0lk, or that one Shakespeare book for
English class?
18. Shakespeare only wishes he was cool enough to write for y0lk
19. learn the answer to life, the universe, and everything, and why poor
white trash live in trailer homes
20. everyone who writes for y0lk must pass a test before their submission is
accepted where they have to dance exactly like John Travolta in Pulp
Fiction
21. Damn! that chick on MTV is hot!
22. if someone is not accepted as a y0lk writer, they are forced into the
official John Travolta school of dance
23. soon, y0lk will be offering a 12-step video program that will teach
anyone how to dance like John Travolta
24. we're not like those "egg beaters" that comes in a carton. we're really
actual y0lk
25. you can't find anything this wacky, yet addictive on the streets
26. you'll now have something to tell your penpal from afghanastonia about
27. you'll get to witness the ramblings of interesting people like me who try
to think of 50 reasons why you should read things like this
28. "Be a Pepper"
29. y0lk is one of the only things in the history of the world that Forest
Gump didn't have anything to do with
30. if you let us know that you like y0lk, you may win our respect (if we
ever hold a contest)
31. we don't care if you read y0lk in the nude or in lederhosen <sp?>
32. we make excellent studies for your psyche class
33. comic books are too expensive nowadays, whatever happened to superman for
10 cents?
34. we know how they cram all that graham
35. creed probably still has your clothes so you better read if you ever want
to see them again
36. this is your brain . this is your brain on y0lk * any questions?
37. we're nitty, gritty, and witty...or is it shitty?
38. if you're reading this, you probably read y0lk all the time, why would you
stop now?
39. damn! that chick on MTV is still hot!
40. there's only 10 more reasons left in this list.
41. aren't you sick of reading that same playboy in the bathroom for the last
10 months?
42. you're gullable enough to try anything
43. no mortal fool can resist our control *READ Y0LK*
44. we are godz
45. the church of y0lk accepts anyone even if you have a bad credit history
46. the hair club for men requires you to put that monoxo-shit on your head,
all you have to do after reading y0lk, is send your clothes to creed
47. if you don't read it, we'll give those pictures of you and that goat to
the national inquirer (and you know everyone believes what they print)
48. i don't think we fear (or phear for that matter) anyone except maybe that
fat guy on Conan O'Brien
49. all the chix will dig you daddy-o
50. yay! the stoopid list is over!
+-==={that was kinna lame}================================================-+
bite my gnads you jerk jangler! some of it rooled and I get very sensative
when people bash my cheap attempts at getting printed in an e-zine!
+-==={ok, well, it's done, you gonna go now?}=============================-+
Hey! don't you wanna hear about the dog track? I lost my fucking ass!
That's the last fucking time I bet on some piece of shit canine. Oh well, I
still got to eat those nachos and that was worth it.
Well, that's my feeble attempt at a y0lk issue, if it actually makes it, YAY!
If it doesn't, you'd never know anyway.
talk to me at: kevin@mixcom.com
-ideal
--[samurai notes]-----------------------------------------------------------
wow, that ideal guy *really does like* y0lk. wow. he read'em all.
+-==={index}==============================================================-+
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
creed is god. get used to it.
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
