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y0lk-051
--(y0lk)-----------------------------------------------------------------------
y0lk #51: the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave turned on his external modem.
Loading his pirated copy of Qmodem Pro, Dave was automatically connected to
his Internet provider, which was autodialed in his init string.
"b33p b30p bl30p b000000333333sssshhhhhhhhh!@"
"Ahh .. music to my ears."
login : w4r3zd00d
password : kr4dw4r3z
Welcome to Elitenet, w4r3zd00d.
You have mail.
"Screw muh mail .. i want w4r3z!@"
<bash$> [/u8/w/w4r3zd00d] cd .w4r3z
<bash$> [/u8/w/w4r3zd00d/.w4r3z] ls
kradwarez.zip morewarez.zip elitewarez.zip /0-daywarez
<bash$> [/u8/w/w4r3zd00d/.w4r3z] cd 0-daywarez
<bash$> [/u8/w/w4r3zd00d/.w4r3z] sz *.zip
[ an hour passes ... ]
<bash$> [/u8/w/w4r3zd00d/.w4r3z] logout
NO CARRIER
Dave dug into his warez. All sorts of warez. Games, apps, cracks, oh, he
had it all. Dave was happy. Then, Dave's phone rang.
"Uhm .. y0e?"
"y0e, Dave. Something wrong?"
"No .. just not used to talking to people. Ya know. Like, live voices."
"This is Satan, Dave."
"Not another lame, inside-jokey Satan story .."
"Yup."
"Just what do you want, you big k-rad guy you. If its my warez, baq off,
can't have em."
"I don't want your warez. But I do want to talk to you about them."
"I'm listening, d00d."
"Dave, warez are bad. B4D B4D B4D. You don't wanna go to Hell, do you?
I'd make you my personal ass scratcher."
"3l173!@$% Wait'll I tell the guys in #0day3l1tekr4dw4r3z i get to
scratch Satan's ass!@%&"
"Uhm .. no. I only said that to get your hopes up."
"But, I L0V3 you, man ..."
"Yer not touching my ass, Dave."
Dave begins to sob uncontrollably.
"Knock it off, before I h4x0r your account."
Dave promptly shut up.
"Dave, if you don't stop your bad warez habits, I'm going to have to
torment you in Hell."
"You can't do shi to me ... I lived through the Great Warez Depression
of '92, the Warez Market Crash of '94 .. I'll be fine."
"As you wish, Dave. I'll just torment you now. Goodbye, Dave."
"Uhm, how ya gonna --"
<cliq!@>
Dave shrugged off his brush with such massive eliteness, and went back to his
warez. After couriering his new warez to 10 warez boards, he signed back on
his Internet account.
login : w4r3zd00d
password : kr4dw4r3z
Login Incorrect
"Damn Satan .. thinks he can take awat my account. FUQ H1M. I'll just
make another."
Dave quickly hacked a new account.
<bash$> [/u2/e/el173guy] irc
Daved logged onto irc, and headed for one of his favorite channels.
[P] /j #gimm3-d3m-f4zt-w4r3z
*** Sorry, cannot join #gimm3-d3m-f4zt-w4r3z. [Banned from channel]
"FUQ!@"
[P] /j #w4r3z-666
*** Joining #w4r3z-666
users : satan_- s474n [SaTaN] Saten-dCC Natas Satan 3l173guy
<Satan> h0h0h0 ... y3w c4nn0t ezc4p3 m3!@%^
<3l173guy> n00000000000000000000000!@@#$#%%&^^&&^*^$#%DGH^&TR$#@%
Creed woke up screaming, in a pool of his own sweat.
--(index)----------------------------------------------------------------------
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--(infoez)---------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
(this issue by trip)
