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y0lk-044
+---------------------------------------------[c:\yap!\zines\y0lk\y0lk.mog]--+
|achtung|achtung|achtung|achtung|achtung|baby|achtung|achtung|achtung|achtung|
+-[y0lk!@# for m0gel!@~@]----------------------------------------------------+
yes, mr. m0gel, if YOU are seleted as winner, we`ll be saying:
MR. M0GEL T. MOORE, YOU`VE JUST WON YOURSELF 500 MILLION DOLLARS!@
however, if YOU are selected for the first prize, we`ll say:
MR. M0GEL P. LUNDQUIST, YOU`VE JUST WON 50 MILLION DOLLARS!@
alternatively, if YOU are selected to win our second-place prize, we`ll say:
MR. I. FEER M0GEL, YOU HAVE JUST WON 3 MILLION DOLLARS!@
_but_ - if you are selected to win our third-place prize, we`ll shout:
MR. P.D.Q. M0GEL, YOU`VE JUST WON 500 _THOUSAND_ DOLLARS!@
if you are one of the 5000 lucky winners of our runner-up prize, we`ll say:
DR. M0GEL, PH. D, YOU`VE JUST WON A NEW CAR!@
all those _not_ winning anything will receive a personalized issue of y0lk.
--[yay]-----------------------------------------------------------------------
welcome to your _own_ issue of y0lk. _this_ moment, above all others, will
always remind you of when you were at your peak. 50-60 years from now, when
you are resting comfortably, perched at the top of the dto corporate world
headquarters building, you will reflect upon the beginnings of dto. you will
think about the early days, when you wrote for a `zine - but all the memories
will pale next to the memory of the day you read your own y0lk.
"I always take `em. They`re curiosities. And they`re
property. They may not be worth muh, but, after all, they`re
property and portable. It don`t signify to you with your bril-
liant look-out, but as to myself, my guiding-star always is,
`Get hold of portable property.'"
-charles dickens, through the char-
acter of wemmick, in _Great Expect-
ations_
the same could be said of y0lk. easy collectibles. property. portable.
[well, arguably portable.] get as many as you can. read'em all the time.
[usually] free. fun for the family.
mr. ernest p. mogel - this is YOUR life!
m0g: "gee, and i forgot to bet my duck, no less."
--[storytime]------------------------------------------------------------------
long, long ago, there lived a confusing duck. so confusing was this duck that
all of the sages, elders, clever-minded, general smart-asses, and scholars came
from around the globe to hear this duck speak. so powerful, yet so puzzling
were these speeches that soon the normal, less-intelligent people came to see
the duck. after much aggravation on the part of the scholars and the normals,
soon the scholars and the normals gave up on this duck, merely shrugging off
the duck's seemingly infinite wisdom and power in search for a more compre-
hensible object to study and gain wisdom from.
soon, the idiots came to see the duck. these idiots, being idiots, of course,
did not understand the duck any more than they understood simple concepts, and,
again, being idiots, basically caused a lot of ruckus and went home.
only one man remained in all the land whom had not seen this duck. this man,
was, of course, very dumb. so dumb was he that when he saw the other idiots
[who were geniuses to him], he was too interested in his thumbnail and the bad
case of hangnail he had contracted to ask the large group of idiots where
they were going and if he could join them.
this one man, being dumb, lived next to the duck. this man had never seen the
duck, though he had noticed the presence of other people around his home when
the scholars and normals had come to see the duck. however, this man had not
understood _why_ these people were staring at something next door to him; he
only noticed their existence.
one day, while scavenging for food, the man bumped into the duck. just before
the dumb man tried to eat the duck, the duck opened it`s mouth and spoke.
in short, understandable words, the duck said:
"phEAr mEe. phEAr tHE DuCK. pHeAR m0gEL."
the man ate the duck.
--[zowie!@]-------------------------------------------------------------------
i fuck cows.
did that shock you? i meant to. really. it's that literary device i'm using
now. i call it "shockage."
man, i'm such a writer.
--[what? angus?]-------------------------------------------------------------
okay, fuck this day-glo !@#$ shit, man. fuck it all. i hate you. angst
angst angst. woo. y'all suck.
"i am acewl gi cept i liket o do beravers win i have spaer time."
damn you.. you cold, unthinking rodent. die. die.
"shabba ranx. i phear satan."
damn you to hell. no, i'm too cool for that. damn you to heaven.
--[i wear sweatpants to breakfast]--------------------------------------------
lunch.
and
dinner.
warily, so -
b
ut not
inmy
hea
d
.
--[let's all have a big round of applause for - e. e. cummings]---------------
e. e. cummings. first ascii-artist ever. before ascii, no less. man.
i used to say - this is what i used to say - "e. e.:" (i would say) "e. e.:
you sure are a great ascii artist." that's what i used to say to 'ol e. e.
yeah, that's what i said to e. e. - i called good'ol e. e. - this is what
i used to call e. e. - e. e. gosh, we had such a friendship, me and e. e.
and then, lying awake in the night, i made a grab for e. e.'s left breast.
well, needless to say, me and ol' e. e. - that's what i called e. e. - weren't
such great friends anymore. what i used to say (this is what i used to say)
was:
"e. e. - why don't you love me?"
e. e.'d only say:
gos
h
inev
er
ne
w
icou
ld
lov
ea
c
ow
.
in conclusion, this is what i used to say - in conclusion, i'd like to say:
mOo.
--[eleet, no less]------------------------------------------------------------
no less than eleet. NO LESS.
let me tell you about my ordainment.
i got ordained today. my envelope arrived from the church of subgenius.
and i'm tryin' to think of an alternate name for my ordain-ship.
hmm... maybe "rev. phorce." no, too dumb. but i'll use that on-line. wee.
umm.. something so that people won't think i'm a dialnurd. umm... "rev. alf."
yeah. i love alf. with a passion.
argh, no.
--[on the subject of cats]----------------------------------------------------
FUCK YOU. JUST FUCK YOU.
happy valentine's day, m0g.
--[a SMALL p.s.]--------------------------------------------------------------
call my board. running default iniquity. ugly ugly ugly.
phantasy land - 201/275.1403
i wanna get net-spiel, or something.
+-[yay!@ two months late!@]--------------------------------------------------+
|i|love|eggs|and|things|that|begin|with|the|letter|h|oh|fucking|yeah|biznatch|
+---------------------------------------------------------------------[eof]--+
