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y0lk-072
....#72#....
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....#72#....
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oO0 fun on the phone (no h/p content though!) 0Oo
hi kids, i'm bored as hell. so i thought i would write another y0lk issue.
personally, i hate my last submission but oh well, we all make mistakes.
(except for rodrigo sanchez, the 13 year old exchange student from my school
that will graduate when he is 14)
anyways i just got home from work. work sucked when i got there but then my
supervisor left so i made it more interesting. let me tell you about my 3
hours at work.
-My day at work-
-by ideal-
Let me start off by explaining my job to you all. I punch into the time
clock at about 5:00 pm and then it's fun fun fun until 8:00 {*writer's note
- the last part about fun was meant to be a HUGE dose of sarcasm. If you
did not realize this, you are dumb and should be skinned alive, dipped in
salt, and fed to starving cows.*}. What i do at work has got to be the most
boring, un-eventful thing in america. I call up complete strangers on the
phone and read them this pre-made script that talks about a symphony or
theatre company (depends on what we're calling for at the time) and my goal
is to get them to give me as much money as i possibly can. Usually i end up
with nothing cuz i suck at it and then i go home. So, other than the
periodical crazy person or argument i have with the people i call, my job
sucks unless i do something about it. Today i tried to do something about
it and it was one of those rare occasions that it actually worked.
I walked throught the big double doors at 5:00, watched my punch-card get
swallowed by the clock and spit back up with a brand new tattoo on it, and
then i took my place at my little cubicle <sp?>. Today i noticed that they
happened to place me in the far back corner where no one else was sitting.
"Hmm.. kinda nice" i thought. That way no one will bug me or listen to how
well i give the script. Well, you can probably guess that sitting there got
old real fast.
Lucky day! my supervisor left at 6:00 so that meant that there was no
chance that anyone was listening in on my phone line. So, i peeled my butt
from my chair and strolled ever-so-slowly into the kitchen. when i got
there, i made a bee-line for the snack machine. I saw inside: twix, m&m's,
chocolate chip cookies, Mr. Goodbar, Snicker's, etc.. I was pissed! not
only was i at work, but there was nothing good to eat for me cuz i fucking
hate chocolate! GRR!
When i got back to my cubicle, i was still grumbling to myself about how
much chocolate sucks. I looked at my computer screen to see the name of
the next person i was calling. her name was Kim Janox. I decided to try
something i had once seen in an old movie. the conversation went like this.
:Kim: hello, Janox's!
:me: Kim???? is that you?!?!?
:Kim: Uh, yeah. Who's this?
:me: It's jake! Jake Dern.
:Kim: ummm..... uh...
:me: oh come on! you don't remember? we went to high school together!
:Kim: hmm... jake sounds familiar.. uhmm...
:me: remember, i sat in the front row in math class junior year!
:Kim: oh! hmmm??.. <pause> Oh yeah! now i remember you, how's it goin?
[i couldn't believe this was working! i thought that she was going to hang
up on me for sure. but since she didn't i could have fun!]
:me: oh, i'm good. I was just in town for a while and thought i would
look you up and say hi. so what do you do now? i haven't heard
anything from you since forever!
:Kim: Oh, i'm a doctor now! pediatrition. How bout you?
:me: I'm a distribution manager for a rock band. Maybe you've heard of
them... Smashing Pumpkins??
:Kim: No, sorry, but that sounds great!
:me: yeah it is! I get to travel alot you know.
[the conversation was getting to conversational and boring so i set my plan
into motion.]
:me: Hey, i haven't been here in a long time, where's a good place to eat?
:Kim: Westy's pub is good. they have an excellent chicken sandwich!
:me: oh really? where is it?
:Kim: [She gives me the address really fast so i didn't write it down] you
know where that is?
:me: oh, yeah, i know where that is. are you busy tonight?
:Kim: no, why?
;me: you wanna meet me there in an hour and catch up on old times?
:Kim: sure, 1 hour? should i dress up?
:me: if you want, i'll be in a business suit since i just got out of a
meeting. i'll reserve a table for two under my name.
:Kim: ok, see ya there, bye
:me: bye
[click]
i couldn't believe that it had actually worked! Work was starting to look
up. I had a lady that was about 1000 miles away (we call LD) going to a
restaurant somewhere to meet a friend she never had!
After that, i started talking shit to some other people just to keep my
intrest up and to keep me awake. I also left some pretty cool answering
machine messages. If ya want to know about em, tell, me and i'll write em
for future y0lk issues. i don't feel like typing up anymore today.
oO0 the end foo' 0Oo
--[head samurai's notes]------------------------------------------------------
about this 'zine, mogel says: "hi."
... umm. yeah. anyway. hmph.
--[index]---------------------------------------------------------------------
.d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b.
$ ## $ title $ author $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $
$ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $
$ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $
$ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $
$ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $
$ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $
$ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $
$ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $
$ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $
$ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $
$ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $
$ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $
$ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $
$ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $
$ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $
$ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $
$ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $
$ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $
$ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $
$ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $
$ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $
$ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $
$ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $
$ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $
$ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $
$ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $
$ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $
$ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $
$ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $
$ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $
$ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $
$ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $
$ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $
$ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $
$ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $
$ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $
$ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $
$ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $
$ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $
$ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $
$ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $
$ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $
$ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $
"T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T"
--[infoez]--------------------------------------------------------------------
if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you
like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et
cetera.
phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk
hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk.
phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware!
mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass.
heil creed. <HEIL!# HEIL!#>
to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /ftp/phorce/y0lk
or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad.
*or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet.
_OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about y0lk
and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the line
"subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message.
don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here?
couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that we
have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile
like this. what a bunch of losers we are.
