y0lk-037

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Y0LK

 · 5 years ago

  

---(y0kel)--------------------------------------------------------------------- 
y0lk #37: careening through cyberspace at a slug-like rate 
---(yay)----------------------------------------------------------------------- 
        ello... this is creed again, apparently the other y0lk writers have 
given up writing, and i am hereby responsible for y0lk entirely.  once again, 
we are in a state of slug-like motion... the zine is toiled over by our one 
remaining writer, me, at a pace that you hyperactive zine-types cannot stand. 
i would feel bad about that if i cared how you felt.  aww. 

        i was just looking over some of our remarkable issue titles in the 
y0lk oh-so-convenient index, and i realized something.  in issue number 16, 
"how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina," i did not tell youze 
how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina!  you have my humblest 
apology.  and, due to this recently-recognized disappointment i have given 
you, i present the secret to mankind's prevailance.  how to blow your nuts out 
with cornstarch and orangina. 

---(AnRki)--------------------------------------------------------------------- 
SPECIAL ANRKi SECTION: how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina 
---(ElETe)--------------------------------------------------------------------- 

what yew will need: cornstarch                     01/03/96 (miercoles) 12:53pm 
                    a bottle of orangina                     ElETe aUtHr: creed 
                    a standard u.s. army hand grenade 

        STEP 0NE: take your orangina bottle.  examine the fine texture and 
                  shape of it.  after you have adequately savored the quality 
                  of the bottle, drink the orangina.  it is tasty, is it not? 

        STEP TW0: fill the orangina bottle with cornstarch and put the cap back 
                  on.  put it on a bookshelf, or some other place where you can 
                  see it.  now you have a beautiful orangina bottle, filled 
                  cornstarch!  praise the gods!  praise m0gel! 

        STEP THREE: pull the pin out of the hand grenade and drop it down your 
                    pants.  wait about 3.5 seconds for impact, and KAB00M! 
                    hopefully, the explosion will blow your nuts out. 

        STEP F0UR: relax, and enjoy the results of your project.  your nuts 
                   have been blown out entirely, and you have a wonderful 
                   orangina bottle filled with cornstarch to look at.  yay! 

---(w0w)----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

        i understand, that may have been a bit too etweet for you to handle. 
i'll give you a few seconds to catch your breath. 

---(puff)---------------------------------------------------------------------- 

        well, now you know the true secret.  great.  i am made of shamrocks. 
geez, i have nothing left to say, and yet, i feel like i need to write more for 
this issue.  a lot more.  well, i just read two issues of cDc, given to me by 
mogel.  they were pretty good... as usual, i didn't read all of them, just 
select parts that looked cool.  and what i did read was consistently neat-o. 
so i guess i'm just like everyone else now.  i'm writing a zine so i can be 
like a cDc elito.  bah.  dto is better. 

---(woo)----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

        i am el cid!  master of light!  protector of the righteous people of 
nicaragua!  i wear a blue spandex suit and a big yellow cape!  i am skilled in 
the arts of karate! 

        yep, under the influence of uncontrollable boredom, i now reveal my 
alternate identity.  the popular hispanic superhero known as EL CID, protector 
of the righteous, is actually just me in a blue spandex jogging suit and a cape 
i bought at a retail store.  i hope you are not too shocked to know that all 
the y0lks you have read in the past have been overseen by the mighty el cid. 
sorry. 

---(woo again)----------------------------------------------------------------- 

        i'm sad to say that this issue is running out of steam, so i'm going to 
conclude it early.  don't be too disappointed.  sorry.  bye. 

---(bye)----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

.s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&s. 
$ ## $                            title                            $ author $ 
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 
$ 01 $ the other white meat                                       $ creed   $ 
$ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed   $ 
$ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars.              $ creed   $ 
$ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin         $ creed   $ 
$ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food                     $ creed   $ 
$ 06 $ pour cement down my anus                                   $ hooch   $ 
$ 07 $ hail santa!                                                $ creed   $ 
$ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties?             $ hooch   $ 
$ 09 $ lunchables rock.                                           $ creed   $ 
$ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam                                        $ bedlam  $ 
$ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview             $ hooch   $ 
$ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta]       $ hooch   $ 
$ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@            $ hooch   $ 
$ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink                            $ phorce  $ 
$ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness                                 $ creed   $ 
$ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina     $ creed   $ 
$ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you?                            $ hooch   $ 
$ 18 $ lemmings                                                   $ phorce  $ 
$ 19 $ the science of astrology                                   $ belial  $ 
$ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene     $ cd/h0   $ 
$ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!?                                           $ phorce  $ 
$ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself                  $ creed   $ 
$ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale                                     $ phorce  $ 
$ 24 $ group masturbation                                         $ belial  $ 
$ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs             $ creed   $ 
$ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet                               $ phorce  $ 
$ 27 $ brief mental pause                                         $ belial  $ 
$ 28 $ the army day camp                                          $ belial  $ 
$ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day             $ creed   $ 
$ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings                     $ hooch   $ 
$ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver!                                 $ mercuri $ 
$ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur                                      $ bedlam  $ 
$ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan                            $ creed   $ 
$ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines                   $ hooch   $ 
$ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears                                 $ phorce  $ 
$ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't                           $ creed   $ 
$ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate           $ creed   $ 
`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$' 

 
     if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you 
like it or not.  if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et 
cetera.  woog. 

        mindcrime is an official y0lk member.