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Cult of the Dead Cow 091
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((___)) ((___))
[ x x ] cDc communications [ x x ]
\ / presents... \ /
(' ') (' ')
(U) (U)
The Reel Way
or
'How to Win the Ego Wars'
Written by: The Pusher
Inspired by: Leper Messiah
>>> A CULT Publication......1988 <<<
-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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This file will describe to you how things are done on the local "pirate"
board, which is full of computer nerds who all live within 20 minutes of the
BBS.
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Section #1- Anarchy
If the local board does have an "anarchy" section it will probably not
be anything worth looking at. Rather than posts about explosives, bombs, lock-
picking, etc... you'll get messages like this:
POSTER: MR. ANARCHY
TITLE: ANARCHY NEWS!
(FIRST, I'D LIKE TO SAY NOT TO TRY THIS UNLESS YOUR AN EXPERIENCED
ANARCHIST LIKE MYSELF.) I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY HATE MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER.
HE'S SUCH A FUCKING DICKHEAD! I WAS TALKING TO SOME HOT BABEZ IN CLASS WHEN HE
TOLD ME TO BE QUIET. I TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF AND HE KICKED ME OUT OF CLASS. (BUT
NOT BEFORE I GOT SOME BABEZ #! PHONE SEX!@#@22! YAH!2@!1) I KNEW WHERE HE LIVED
SO I FELT SORRY FOR HIM! I WAS GOING TO KICK HIS FAGGIT ASS! I WENT HOME AND
STOLE SOME SHIT OUT OF THE KITCHEN TO MAKE A NITRO-VITRO BOMB! (SEE ADVANCED
ANARCHY BOARD FOR DETAILS OF THIS. I CAN'T HAVE ANY OF YOU KIDDIES BLOWING
YOURSELVES UP!!) I WENT UP TO MY ROOM AND MADE THE BOMB WHILE MY MOM THOUGHT I
WAS STUDYING! (I NEVER STUDY, ONLY NERDZ STUDY! I'M FAILING EVERY CLASS!)
(Pusher note: Every local loser loves to say they are failing school, when in
fact, they get A's in everything. By the way, I get straight B's, and I'm damn
proud of it!) I PUT THE THING TOGETHER, AND STOLE THE KEYS TO MY DADS FERRARI
AND WENT OUT TO GET SOME BOOZE! AFTER GETTING TOTALLY SMASHED I ZIPPED OVER TO
MY FAGGIT CHEM TEACHER'S HOUSE. I THREW THE BOMB INTO HIS CAR AND BLEW THE
WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN THING UP! WHEN HE CAME OUT TO SEE WHAT THE FUCK WAS
HAPPENING, I SMASHED HIS FACE WITH A BAT@@! SO YOU SEE, ANARCHY CAN GET RID OF
ANYONE! LATER ON DUDES,
MR. ANARCHY
Uh oh, I wouldn't mess with this guy.
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Wection #2- BBS Adds
On your local geek board, you will never see a BBS Ad like this:
Elite BBS
914-xxx-xxx
Sysop: Elite Man
That would be too easy for the local. They have to spend a month
making up BBS adds using "Proterm Special Emulation" which they post at least
once every time they call. Here's an example.
THE ELITE HOUSE
987-654-3210
SYSOPS: RAD MAN COSYSOPS: THE STUD
THE PSYCHO DR. PAIN
THE PREDATOR THE PAINMASTER
THE DISK SLAVE
6 DRIVES NOW (40 MEGZ SOON!) 300 BAUD (17400 SOON!)
NEW WAREZ! COOL SYSOPS!
FUCKIN AWESOME MODZ! ONLINE GAMES!
SEX FILES! A STORY SECTION!
A METALHEDZ, INC. BASE
Would you call "THE ELITE HOUSE"? Probably not. Of course, you would
never be able to get on, because the board would be down 5 days a week for
"NEW MODZ!" [Ed note: Or is the sysop playing "California Raisins?]
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Nection #3- Music
95% percent of all the locals like MTV p0zer metal. It is impossible to
call your local "pirate" board without seeing someone say "OZZY RULEZ!" There
is also always an argument between the "metalheads" and someone who likes new
wave. None of the local loozes like classic rock, hardcore, or speed/deth/doom
metal. Check this out...
POSTER: SATAN'S SON (They often use the title of an "OzZy" song for their name)
TITLE: WHITESNAKE FUCKIN KIX BUTTT!
HAVE YOU GOT THE NEW CRUE ALBUM? IT'S SO FUCKING AWESOME. THEY KICK ASS! I
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM IN CONCERT. THEY'LL BE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THOSE DEPECHE
MODE HOMOES. THEY PROBABLY SUCK EACH OTHERS DICK! NIKKI SIX IS LIKE THE
AWESOMEST GUITARIST AROUND! NEW WAVE SUX! I HEARD A RUMOR THAT OZZY,
WHITESNAKE, AND BON JOVI ALL DIED IN A PLANE CRASH!
LATER DUDEZ,
SATAN'S SON
(NUMERO UNO CRUE FANO)
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Eection #4- Phreaking
On every local board, the sysop will leave a message like "ONLY REAL HACKS
AND PHREAKS CAN HAVE ACCESS TO THE HACK/PHREAK SUB. I DON'T WANT TO GET BUSTED
BY THE FEDZ!" I think that the Treasury Department is smart enough to realize
that no real telcom board is called "HACKERS AND PHREAKERS HEADQUARTERS". To
get access to the "HACK/PHREAK" sub all you have to do is give the sysop a
code. That's all the messages are on the sub anyway. "FRESH SPRINTS!" with a
list. But sometimes you might get this message...
POSTER: MR. PHREAK
TITLE: SAFE SERVICE
HEY PHREAKS, IS THERE ANY SERVICE OUT THERE THAT IS 100% SAFE WITH NO
TRACING?
This question is asked at least 10 times a day in the U.S. And I just
love these "Phreak horror stories"...
POSTER: CODE MEISTER
TITLE: HOLY SHIT!
DON'T USE MCI! DON'T USE MCI! DON'T USE MCI! A HEARD THAT THEY'VE GOT THIS
NEW THING CALLED API. IT'S CALLED AUTOMATIC PHREAK IDENTIFICATION! THE SECOND
YOU PHREAK A CALL WITH MCI, THEY SEND THE FEDZ OVER TO YOUR HOUSE. SOME GUY IN
CALIFORNIA GOT A $217,000 DOLLAR PHON BILL! HE'S BUSTED AND I HEAR HE'S NOW IN
PRISON! ALSO, A PHREAK FRIEND OF MINE WAS USING SPRINT, WHEN SOME OPERATORS
CAME ON SAID "EAT THIS, YOU LITTLE PUNK!" THEY THEN PLAYED A TONE SO LOUD, THAT
HE WAS DEAF FOR 5 DAYS!
HAPPY HACKIN (BE CAREFUL, DUDEZ!)
CODE MEISTER
M.P.A.H.S
(MASTER PHREAKS AND HACKS SOCIETY)
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Bection #5- Wares
On the local boards, wares are used to get people to call a board, like...
ULTIMA X IS OUT! ITS FUCKIN AWESOME!
WE GOT IT AT WARE PALACE ELITE!
The other type of message you see is the rumor message. These are always
wrong.
POSTER: THE ULTIMATE PIRATE
TITLE: OUT!
I HEARD THAT GAUNTLET IS OUT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON SOME CALIFORNIA BOARZ!
IT HAS GRAPHICS JUST LIKE THE ARCADE. YOU CAN EVEN PLAY 10 PEOPLE AT ONCE! I'D
GET IT AND UPLOAD IT HERE, BUT I HEARD THAT DIGITAL GANG SAID THAT IT IS NOT TO
BE DISTRIBUTED OUTSIDE CALIFORNIA. KING'S QUEST V WILL BE OUT SOON! I KNOW THE
AUTHOR AND HE GAVE ME A COPY! I'D UPLOAD IT BUT HE'D BUST ME BIGTIME!
CHOW,
ULTIMATE PIRATE
DEATH BOYS (PROFESSIONAL DISTRIBUTORS)
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ection #6- Wars
On good boards, there is no such thing as a "war". They're usually just
arguments because someone ragged on someone on a crack page. However, the
locals take this EXTREMELY seriously. Every message is full of threats, and
challenges to fight (which never happen). Not to mention lots of obscenities.
POSTER: JOE STRANSIVIK
TITLE: FUCK YOU FAGGIT!
YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING LOSER, APPLE KING! I TALKED TO PEOPLE WHO GO TO YOUR
SCHOOL, AND THEY SAID YOU'RE A MAJOR GEEK. YOU PROBABLY SUCK EVERYONE'S COCK.
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! YOU PROBABLY FUCK YOUR MOMMA TOO! YOUR DAD PROBABLY FUCKS
YOU! I WANNA BEAT THE FUCKIN LIVING FUCK OUT OF YOUR FUCKING BUTTFUCKER FACE! I
CHALLENGED YOU TO A FIGHT AT THE PARK AND YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP! YOU WERE PROBABLY
FUCKING YOUR GEEK FRIENDS! FUCKIN FAGGIT BUTTFUCKER! IF I EVER MEET YOU I'M
GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!
FUCK YOU, HOMO!
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"Mom, I just want a Pepsi!"
Call DRU. Now.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Behavior Modification.....806/793-9462 The Dead Zone.............214/522-5321
Demon Roach Underground...806/794-4362 Dragonfire Private........609/424-2606
Question Authority........715/341-6516 Pure Nihilism.............517/337-7319
Tequila Willy's...........209/526-3194 The Metal AE..............201/879-6668
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(c)1988 cDc communications by The Pusher 12/30/88-91
All Rights Worth Shit
