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Cult of the Dead Cow 051
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((___)) ((___))
[ x x ] cDc communications [ x x ]
\ / presents... \ /
(` ') (` ')
(U) (U)
THE DAY MY KID TURNED PUNK
by The Dark Static
>>> A CULT Publication......1988 <<<
-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
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(featuring variable indentions...)
Preface:Earnie was in his teens, at the peek of puberty. He was just coming
to realize that the world was going to end someday. Terrified by this
horrible thought, he shuddered and popped in the newest tape from
Genesis..that temporarily brought him back to his usual self... He
spent many a day jamming those poor beaten speakers with his 3rd
class music. He pushed up his glasses and leaped over his bed
to the computer.. he had almost forgotten to cover his path on
the newly found UNIX account glaring on his green screen. After
this feat was accomplished ease, he started getting ready for the
computer meeting at the Library... After adding a few more handfuls
of mouse to his already greasy hair, he grabbed his backpack...
Week later:The doorbell rings...Oh, it's only Gene, here at his usual time...
"So what new tapes did you bring, Gene?", questioned Earnie
in his high-pitched voice.. "I brought this awesome cool new
tape, and your definitely gonna spaz when you hear this shit!"
exclaimed Gene, in his normal 'Gosh Wally' type personality...
So they raced up to the bedroom to play them...After MEN AT WORK
came on, Earnie violently unplugged the 'jambox'. "Gosh Gene,
I thought you said it was new, I've heard that tape a million
times twice already... Say, let's go down and scope out some
chicks at the library...". "Sounds swell Earn'. Let's get down
there before anyone leaves...". They got down there alright,
and the selection wasn't too exciting... Gene tried his luck.
He walked up to a skinny girl with glasses. She shoved her pencil
up his ass when he tried 'touching' her... "Oh well Gene, at
least you DID get to touch her... I'm proud of you... Looks like
we'll make a man out of you yet". "Gee, do you really think so?"
Later in the week:(Over the phone):"Ok Gene, I guess you can come over
today...This time bring a GOOD tape...". "Alright, on my way
dood, get ready to ROCK!"
After arriving:Earnie answered the door... Gene started talking before
Earnie could speak. "Earn bud, so sorry my man, but I can't
stay, but I at least brought you over this tape... I don't know
what's on the back side, so try it out..". "Ok, thanks Gene.
Tomorrow?". "You bet, see you at the normal time."
Later:"Earnie, get your tail down here. Your supper's getting cold". "Be right
down ma.". After making a game of jumping down the stairs, he skipped to
the dinner table... "Ma, guess. I got another 'A' in advanced Geometry
Techniques class today... That makes 16 in a row..". "Geez your such a
nerd... Just go jump off the roof!" said his sister [17, and gets bad
grades]. "Now Angie, that's not acceptable at the table! Wipe your mouth
and go to your room!" squeaked their timid father, speaking for the first
time. Satisfied with the results of this, Earnest makes a face at his
normal [and quite gorgeous] sister as she ignores her dad's command
with a laugh.
That night:[Things get interesting]. Being satisfied with the first side
of the tape, he flips it over and pops it back in.. After a period of
silence, Earnie concluded that the volume was too low...So he turned
it to '10'. Suddenly some very frightening music blasts throughout the
house... Paralyzed by the event, Earnie was unable to turn it off...
The tape rumbled for 10 minutes before his dad burst through the door.
Earnie's hair was on end, and his face was red.. His dad leaped over
the bed and turned it off...It took quite some time for Earnie to
mutter 'I'm.........o.....k....".
That night Earnie couldn't sleep.. His mind was filled with thoughts that
wouldn't go away...He was unknowingly transforming inside...
Next morning:Getting ready for school was the normal routine...Almost.
Today he put on eyeliner, as if he had always done that
before school..He toyed around with thoughts for lyrics,
but lyrics that were totally different to him.. Not even
Earnie knew what was slowly happening to himself..
At the Breakfast table:"Earnie, you're such a dick!" said his sister.
Not even waiting for his parents to say anything, he blurts
out "Fuck off bitch... I have every right to eat at the same
table with such a goddess as yourself, please, can I can that
privilege bitch?".. The table was now silent..Dad looked at
Mom. Mom stared at Earnie. And so did his sister. This had
never happened before. Things were going to be different.
And now the present:Today, Earnie was wearing his dad's boots from
the war...Oddly, he also had the dogleash around his neck.
[Along with that, he killed the dog for biting him when he
was trying to get it.]. People at school still hadn't gotten
over Earnie's transformation... They thought he had totally
flipped from being on his computer too much.
Earnie was on his way to the local CoOp to pick up some new tapes.. Today he
was getting Suicidal Tendencies - Join the Army tape, and SOD - Speak English
Or die.. He didn't quite have enough to get a COC tape. "Shit" he exclaimed
as he was a nickel short. His brain had gone to waste in these new days, and
he decided to steal the tapes instead of the logical thing - Ask for a nickel!
Of course, he got caught, this was only his first attempt out of many to
come...
At the station: Earnie was sitting in between 2 headbangers...Here's the
conversation:
"Hey fag, what's the makeup for?"
"Fuck off, it's too much for a Scrotum Sucking Slut like you to contemplate
all at once!"-Earn
"Hey, you're a dead mother fucker! prepare to die!"
He and his friend got up to jump him, and he surprisingly pulled out
a newly purchased knife and slashed one while they pounded away...The charges
against him were adding up. He was being busted for: Theft, Computer Fraud,
Computer trespassing, and now Attempted Murder... Yes, there was a long
sentence for Earnie.. But don't worry, he should be out by the time he
is 60...
[ Moral ]
Let this be a lesson for any of you nerds out there, never try
to be who you aren't. Be yourself.
Final notes:
a] The 'old' Earnie:
___
/.. \ -----greasy hair
! _ !
\___/
/ \ -------weak arms
!! !!
!! !!
w! !w
!___!
/ \
! ! !
! ! !
! ! !
_! ! !_
!___!___!
b]the present Earnie:
!
! -----MOHAWK
_!_
/.. \
! _ !. -----earring
__\___/__
/ \
! ! ! !
! ! ! !
! ! ! !
ww! !ww
!_____!
/ \
! ! !
! ! !
! ! !
!___!___!
! ! ! ----Docs
! ! !
__! ! !__
!______!______!
-This file was for slightly humorous purposes only. Ok, so I got bored!
Don't yell at me...
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(c)1988 cDc communications by The Dark Static 1/28/88-51
All Rights Worth Shit
