Cult of the Dead Cow 001

Published in

· 5 years ago

  

 
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       [ x x ]                cDc communications                  [ x x ] 
        \   /                    presents...                       \   / 
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                       The infamous...   GERBIL FEED BOMB 
            Striking fear into the hearts of model citizens everywhere... 

 
                                  by  Swamp Rat 

                      >>> A CULT Publication......1985 <<< 
                        -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-                         
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  Grudge against society?  Seeking mass destruction & bloodshed?  Look no  
further...  Follow these simple directions for nihilism absolute... 

 
1. Get some Gerbil Feed, or some other type of small rodent food, available at 
   most any pet store. 

2. Mash up the food pellets into a fine powder (about the consistancy of  
   beach sand).  The best way to do this is to put the pellets in a bag, and 
   then beat the hell out of those bitches (pretend like they're Nancy Reagan 
   for more fun!) with a hammer.  If you live near a major highway, you can 
   just scatter them around, and then come by later with a shovel. 

3. Put this powder into a jar (Jiff Peanut Butter jars work best, but Peter 
   Pan will do just fine).  Get some model glue, the kind in tubes, and squirt 
   out a bunch of it into your hand.  Spread it out evenly over all your 
   fingers, and then stick your hands into the jar.  Move your hands around  
   a lot in the jar so that the glue is well mixed with the powder. 
   Go into a spasm, this should shake all the glue off your hands. 

4. Fill the rest of the jar up with gasoline(available at most any gas station.) 
5. Put a long fuse into it.  If you're brave (and a bit stupid), you can just 
   drop a match into it. 

6. Light the fuse if you put one in.  If you dropped a match into it, then 
   go to the nearest phone, dial "911" and tell the nice people that you have 
   a large number of glass shards embedded in your lower body.  An ambulance 
   should be there soon. 

7. If you do not have glass shards in your body yet, just run VERY, VERY 
   fast, scream "incoming!" at the top of your lungs, and then "hit the dirt!" 
   This should attract all the neighbor's attention, so they too will get to 
   witness this spectacular event. 

8. There!  You've done it!  When the police car comes to your house, tell 
   the nice police officers that a K.G.B. agent leaped out of a tree, and 
   threw a hand grenade at you.  Of course they will be kind and understanding 
   being their job to "protect and serve."  The police are your friends! 

9. Repeat for everything you want to slice, dice, chop, or mutilate. 
   Or just plain destroy, it doesn't really matter. 

   Be sure to have a spare change of clothes handy... 

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 (c)1985  cDc communications  by Swamp Rat                            0/0/85-01 
 All Rights Worth Shit