Cult of the Dead Cow 189

Published in

· 5 years ago

  

 
                                    _ 
                                   | \ 
                                   |  \ 
                                   | | \ 
                            __     | |\ \             __ 
      _____________       _/_/     | | \ \          _/_/     _____________ 
     |  ___________     _/_/       | |  \ \       _/_/       ___________  | 
     | |              _/_/_____    | |   > >    _/_/_____               | | 
     | |             /________/    | |  / /    /________/               | | 
     | |                           | | / /                              | | 
     | |                           | |/ /                               | | 
     | |                           | | /                                | | 
     | |                           |  /                                 | | 
     | |                           |_/                                  | | 
     | |                                                                | | 
     | |      c   o   m   m   u   n   i   c   a   t   i   o   n   s     | | 
     | |________________________________________________________________| | 
     |____________________________________________________________________| 

  ...presents...                My Circumcision 
                                                         by Franken Gibe 

                      >>> a cDc publication.......1991 <<< 
                        -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- 
 ______________________________________________________________________________ 

 
     I had foreskin.  About three yards of the stuff.  It used to hang outta 
the bottom of my pants leg.  Sometimes I'd use it to tie my sneaker when the 
laces broke.  You know I did this.  It was publicized in several important 
periodicals under the heading of "Farm Machinery Innovations." 

     I knew the foreskin wasn't mine.  I saw pictures of myself as a child 
without six feet of flabby flesh shoved in my right front pocket.  My parents 
were in on my subsequent acquisition of foreskin.  It was rubbery, not like 
skin.  More like a petroleum product.  I now know it was an experiment 
initiated by extraterrestrial genital engineers.  I now know they hoped to 
establish a race of Exaggerated Foreskin Creatures... EFC's.  I now know that 
they hope the EFC's would form a pool of slave labor.  Later, the foreskins 
would be removed and used by several collaborating automotive conglomerates in 
Japan as a Wonder Material for auto upholstery. 

     When I enlisted the services of a Renegade gynecologist to remove the 
foreskin, I noticed that Dan Rather and Peter Jennings BOTH evidenced signs of 
nervousness in their nightly broadcasts.  Dan stumbled over the word "fuselage" 
twice, and Peter picked at a scab on his lower calf.  The latter was revealed 
to me in a letter sent by A Friend. 

     The doctor used laser technology (acquired from a crashed ET space 
vehicle) to cut off the foreskin.  It measured 9ft, 4in. when stretched.  I had 
the foreskin tanned and stuffed, and now use it in food processing. 
  _   _   ____________________________________________________________________ 
/((___))\|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.......806/794-1842| 
 [ x x ] |NIHILISM.............517/546-0585|Paisley Pasture.......916/673-8412| 
  \   /  |Polka AE {PW:KILL}...806/794-4362|Ripco.................312/528-5020| 
  (' ')  |Tequila Willy's GSC..209/526-3194|The Works.............617/861-8976| 
   (U)   |====================================================================| 
  .ooM   |Copr. 1991 cDc communications by Franken Gibe          08/31/91-#189| 
\_______/|All Rights Pissed Away.                            FIVE YEARS of cDc|